Married - but no sexual attraction any more

[Cimmie]

It sounds to me like you didn't love your wife to begin with, if some weight gain after the marriage is making you contemplate divorce. That is incredibly shallow and superficial, to my mind. One of the above posters is right: what would you do if she got pregnant? (though from what you say, that isn't likely to happen any time soon).

Is it about the weight gain, or has the fact that she's stopped working out made you think that you were 'tricked' into marriage, or what? Has she suddenly become a different person?

I really hope she isn't in love with you, because you plainly aren't with her. What you are saying is that your commitment in marriage is conditional on her remaining the same as she was when you first dated her.

What happens when she starts to get older, gets a few grey hairs and wrinkles?

Good grief. I have no idea what you were thinking when you got married. You seem to have no idea what marriage is supposed to mean.

I think you should separate from your wife as a favour to her. Just don't tell her it's because she's put on some weight. Give her a chance to find someone whose impossible expectations she won't have to live up to all her life.

[Minky]

I also think that it is better you get out now than wait for months or years or, heaven forbid, you get her pregnant, she REALLY gains weight that's even harder to come off, and you leave her THEN.

 

Also, if you can bite the bullet and end this (I think someone said quite succinctly, if it isn't good just two months into marriage, it isn't ever going to be that good), do it gently and don't, please don't, say that you are divorcing her because of her weight. The last thing she needs is to develop an eating disorder.

 

I don't think you're a bad person, just your expectations and understanding or marriage are a little unrealistic and that perhaps your love for her isn't quite as deep as you think it is. Count yourself lucky if you can realise this and act on it sooner rather than later and by setting her free to find someone who loves her regardless, you'll be doing her a big favour as well.

 

good luck.

[WhiteForest]

I am frustrated that the reason you want her to lose weight is so you'll find her attractive. When you really love someone your first concern should be there well-being...you should be more concerned for her own health, not for your sexual pleasure. When you love someone you are attracted to them for more than physical appearance, yes it plays a part but its not the one and only.

 

If you're not happy with her and thinking of cheating after only 2 months of marriage then you should not be married. It's not fair to you that she did make you believe she wanted to lose the weight and stopped trying, but its not fair to her if you don't want her and will cheat on her.