first love broke my heart

[Anna]

I am 22, attending college in colorado and i just recently ended an eight month relationship. I guess i was really niave but i thought itwould last forever, he was the one. alas no, he works at a hospital and attends school so the stress of his job really put a strain on things. At first everything was fine though, i would see him on weekends we would study the rest of the time.He finally confessed he was feeling like he was on theverge of having a nervous breakdown, i told him to get some help or i couldn't date him. he did, cut back his hours and so for a while it was alright. the stress of seeing him in that condition practically destroyed me. i went through a month of complete confusion. then things simmered down some but i guess the truama of being so close to some one who goes through that much stress just started to wear on me.

 

I don't know why but i still thought to my self, the love of my life has arrived! how nice!such bliss and happyness.

 

then more problems arouse when i tried to live with him for a month. it was so awefull. he worked all the time, had no friends, no human contact, other then me, his family and this girl named jenny ( whom i shall get to later)

 

anyways the month progressed, miserably. he said i didn;t understand his ambition ( he wants to be a nurse, i am content jsut as a graphic designer)

But, Jenny, a girl he works with did. I had actually introduced themto each other, i thought she was really weird. i was really depressed all month. i was greiving from the experience of being so truamatized along with him, and i couldn't find a job, and he remianed so distant.

 

after the month was over, he called me out of the blue and dumped me. sort of.

 

he siad he needed time to be alone, he was tired.

 

it sucked. then jenny arrived on the scence and told me she had slept with him three weeks ago. ( his version is that she was lieing, she wanted him and just said that to make me sa

 

then he took me back, and dumped all over agian, saying yeah i need time.....but maybe we can be friends, maybe more who knows.....

 

is the friend thing even possible? how is that done with out blowing your brians out? i mean he smells so familiar.

 

has anyone out there been through something like this? i could really use some advice

[browner95]

I'm going through a somewhat similar thing....My girlfriend of 7 months dumped me a few weeks ago, and i've been pretty devastated. I too thought that she was "the love of my life", and she was also my first love. She says that we should be good friends, and maybe something more someday, just like your ex says. I'm trying the friendship thing now, and it's going ok. There have been other bad things going on in my life, and she does make me feel a lot better. But at the same time I've just got way too much hope that we will get together again someday. It's distracting me from meeting other people, and it's tough to live with this hope. I think the friendship thing will be very hard, if not impossible. My plan is to just take it easy, and avoid contact and most conversation for a few months, maybe just one. Try to get myself settled down. I don't know if this helps you at all, but just know that you are NOT alone in this. I know how you feel. Good luck.

[JustAnotherFriend]

I have seen this situation that you are explaining. Its like this guy telling his girl that he may/may not continue with her and is not even able to explain why he is thinking things over. All I want to say is, let go. Its very difficult to make these kind of confused minds stay focussed in a long term relationship.

Once you let go, if its really meant to be he wont be able to leave and if he does, then remember its good this separation happened today than you both spending more of your valuable time/emotional energy and then losing it.

I strongly suggest you stay unaffected(or at least pretend to be) even if he plans to quit.

Be strong ! Good luck !

[Soleil swallows the MOon]

" We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. "

Have you ever heard this quote from Einstein? Its helped me deal with a similar situation than yours. WHen I was going thru a burn out with school and work, I became very confused about the relationship I was in. I couldnt handle anything anymore everything was too overwhelming. I was really confused and didnt seem to be in a proper state of mind to make any good decisions. I think this is what your bf is going thru. Maybe he is going thru a mild depression or burn out and he needs some time on his own not because he doesnt love you but because he isnt in a right state of mind to love you. Basically " Its not you, its him" . You should give him some space so that he puts all his pieces back together. He is in a state of mind right now that will not allow him to come up with any solutions. IF you are the smart one and the strong one in this relationship, leave him so that this brutal schock will be the first step in helping him snap out of whatever state of mind he is in and make him realize that its time for him to get his life together. THat doesnt mean that he will come running after you, because if he does you have to say no to him no matter what because he has to come out of the state of confusion he is in and he can only do this on his own. About a month and a half is good for both of you to be apart and think about what you really want. THats how long it took me to snap out of the confusion state I was in and Im things are making so much sense to me now. Id like to get back together with my ex but we will see what happens. So break up with him, and even if you are miserable, stick with it until he is ready to come home. But dont be waiting for him to run back to you, go on with your life and try to do things on your own and think of ways to make yourself a better person. Dont be co-dependent.