What constitutes as cheating?

[pizzachick13]

I believe that cheating is basically any physically or emotionally sexual contact with another person, whether they're of the opposite sex or same sex.

 

Is this what others believe it to be? Or am I just totally nuts?

 

What do you think is cheating?

 

Sappho...

[stratguy620]

i think that everybody has different ideas as to what cheating is. Some feel simply looking at another girl is cheating, while other people don't even consider sex with someone else cheating. I pretty much agree with you though, on your definition, so you arent nuts

[ayekasong]

I don't think you're nuts, but it certainly does vary from person to person.

 

I feel that getting emotionally involved and sexually involved with other people is definitely cheating. Physical is where it gets a little gray - some people think that cuddling, hugging, even just touching another person is cheating. I would be pretty angry if my boyfriend was cuddling with another girl, but I don't see hugging or just neutral touching as cheating (obviously touching in a sexual way is). Some also see flirting as cheating - I do - but I also know people who don't.

 

Some people view using porn as cheating, which I don't simply because my boyfriend and I are accross the ocean from one another. However, if we were living together, I think my opinion would change. Others also consider having sexual thoughts about other people cheating. I don't, because being curious is natural, and tons of men fantasize about sleeping with celebrities, but as long as they aren't acting on it or thinking about someone else when they are with me, I think that it's pretty harmless.

 

Wow, that was a long-winded answer, I hope that it made sense.

[Strictly4MyGrind]

How is any contact diffrent with someone cheating? You need to define your self a little more do you mean to say you dont allow your partner to talk to a lets say a friend of the opposite sex?

Lets say your partner rings them aww there contacting the oposite sex is that classified as cheating to you?

 

All people are diffrent though i see cheating as a difrent variety of things eg physically like my partner goes and does things she would do with me with another guy but then again im quite over protectiv so.....

 

Cheating is seen diffrently to diffrent people some see going to strip bar cheating some dont..... its what matters to you and then your partner if he or she wants to be with you has to um deal with what you want. But you also have to deal what they want.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

 

damn i wrote to much and went over the top. ill shut up now.

[pizzachick13]

Strictly4MyGrind, I didn't mean that my partner can't talk to people.

 

How is any contact diffrent with someone cheating? You need to define your self a little more do you mean to say you dont allow your partner to talk to a lets say a friend of the opposite sex?

Lets say your partner rings them aww there contacting the oposite sex is that classified as cheating to you?

 

That is definitely not cheating to me, because that's just talking. However, I said any

physically or emotionally sexual contact with another person

. Now, just talking to someone if you're upset is not cheating in my books. Only if it is sexually orientated, eg flirting, can it be classed as cheating. I myself don't think that flirting is cheating, but still, others do.

 

Thanks for your input though.

 

Sappho...

[goddess23]

hey i dont see flirting as cheating becaues im a FLIRTATIOUS person. see i know this sounds totally weird but i think you need to know your partner. k this is my lil thing: like im a flirtatous person but im not flirting like it could be interepreted as flirting. ya know talking alot and the whole lil thing. but some people are not like that they only have this contact with people if they're interested. sorry if i make no sense but ya. but still flirting is rarellly cheating it has to be extreme fliritng like saying i like you or osmething

[pizzachick13]

Cheating is all about deception

 

I never really thought about it like that. Thanks a lot. Any more opinions?

 

Sappho...

[shes2smart]

Here's how I see it:

 

1. Partner wants to be sexual/intimate someone else, doesn't tell you, goes ahead and has involvement with the other person(s) = cheating

 

2. Partner wants to be sexual/intimate someone else, tells you, you say you don't like the idea, partner does it anyway = cheating

 

3. Partner wants to be sexual/intimate with someone else, tells you, you tell your partner you're ok with it, partner does it = NOT cheating

 

In example 1 you have no knowledge and thereforeeee cannot give consent.

 

In example 2 you have knowledge, but did not give consent.

 

In example 3, you have knowledge AND gave consent.

 

To me, in order to be cheating, one or both of the areas of "knowledge" or "consent" have to be lacking. If both knowledge and consent are present, it's not cheating. It is something both partners agreed to experiement with -- just like any other sexual adventures one may choose to embark on.

 

It is not the act of having sex/doing things of a sexual nature with another person outside the relationship that causes the damage -- it's the lying and betrayal cheaters resort to in order to have sex/emotional intimacy outside the relationship that does the real damage.

[Misser]

I believe that cheating is gaged according to the person you are dating. If they allow you to sleep with someone else, this is not cheating. However, if they do not want you to touch another person, if you do you are cheating.

[Northalius]

What constitutes as cheating?

 

Anything that goes against the rules you've set up between the two of you. To put it plain and simple.

 

To me, if my girlfriend so much as even thinks of another guy sexually in her mind, then that's cheating on me. I'd like to think my girlfriend expects the same from me, because I never think of any other woman to be with, or else I'd not be with my girlfriend right now. It sickens me to imagine juggling emotions like that.

 

Like I said in another thread: There are crimes of the flesh, and then there are crimes of the heart and mind.

 

If someone is okay with their mate fantasizing about someone, just not physically doing it, I'd then ask them: "So you'd be okay with your mate fantasizing about killing you, just not physically doing it?"

 

Get my point? Cheating (as all crimes) begins in the mind, so that is where the line should be drawn in the first place.

[puppeteer]

it's really not about what YOU see as cheating or not cheating.

 

 

it is about what your PARTNER sees as cheating or not cheating.

 

it's easy to dismiss your own actions and justify what you are doing...you may feel you did nothing wrong...however what your spouse thinks is really the only issue.

 

you can't justify actions that your partner would object to...

 

which is why cheaters lie and cover up.

 

and anything you have to lie about or "not tell" your partner about...is cheating.

[Steph46]

Hi, I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 7. About 6 months ago he found an old friend (a woman he knew when he was like 10) online and has been talking to her on the phone. He talks to her everyday and for hours at a time. He has told me not to call him at work b/c he will get in trouble, then I went to add money to his cell phone and noticed that he calls this girl from work everyday about 5-8 times. He comes home from work and calls her and she even calls here close to midnight. I have heard him call her just to say good morning or good night and sweet dreams. He has even told her before referring to a picture that she is too hot to be wearing clothes! He even talked to her last night for 4 straight hours!

 

There is no way this could be just a "normal" girl friendship, right?? He has never had any other "girl" friends in the past. They even have pet names for each other. She does live in another state so I know they aren;t doing anything although he keeps bugging me to go visit her. This just feels so wrong. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you!