so i know that women are attracted to guys who appear

[sarsapolis6]

to have fun with life. Able to make positive or funny comments, observations, and so on. Constantly cheerful with a lil bit of bad-boy attitude to quell anyone's notions that you're just a nice, naive and boring guy.

 

How do you make yourself stay happy and positive in order to do this without coming accross as fake?

 

I am a person who is genuinely on the negativity border. I think negative thoughts, but I don't vocalize them. I don't complain or whine in the company of others, but people (ESPECIALLY GIRLS) can sense my dark mood. And that turns people off/makes them uncomfortable.

 

Yeah, it's got to stop, and instead of relying on a book I was wondering what I personal exercises or tasks helped you to stay in your positive frame of mind. I think that is what's missing from my personality, because physically I'm handsome and I'm a creative person.

[Gilgamesh]

How are you negative? what are you negative about?

[IDEAWHAT]

I am a positive person. Yerp, one of those realistic positive persons. Sure we get negative sometimes... lack of food or weather gone bad...

 

WHICH brings me to my point. If you cant pin point a reason why your generally a negative person, you may have a chemical balance problem with your brain? My sister is a typical GLOOM and DOOM kind of person. She has a condition brought on by the ongoing negative thought pattern of life. Once you get a chemical pattern long enough, your brain thinks that it should continue in this way. The reason? Survival mechanism. So you might need to obtain some help in correcting past issues in your life... or take a medicated approach via a specialist if the situation is reasonably bad.

 

However any change this drastic... neg to pos in attitude can be a life time change. Changing the subconscious is not easy and requires month or years of effort.

 

People with one way of thinking and acting, is usually subject to the opposite in a partner. According to this information, your chances of scoring a positive person is some what high... maybe you can learn off her?

[MetallicAguy]

Read this book The Power Of Positive Thinking, that changed my whole negativity issue. I used to be really negative about everything, reading that book actually helped unlike other books.

 

And I listen to Christian music every day, it's not contemporary stuff, but when I listen to get I get a positive feeling instead of a negative feeling out of it, and I really like it for that it keeps my from going back into being depressed, and overtime it really helps you from going back into thinking depressed thoughts. A band that's Christian I really like is Underoath, except there new CD is emo and I hate emo. But there old CD's (Changing of times, Cries Of the past, Act Of Depression) is great. You can't really hear what their saying due to the black metal style vocals but look up there lyrics it's about Christ.

 

Able to make positive or funny comments, observations, and so on. Constantly cheerful with a lil bit of bad-boy attitude to quell anyone's notions that you're just a nice, naive and boring guy.

 

Are you asking how you make positive or funny comments? Observations, that usually changes by reading that book I stated in the paragraph above what you said and listening to Christian music if you don't like comtemporary, then there always is good christian stuff but the only stuff that actually sounds decent for Christian music is usually in the hardcore/metalcore, metal/death/black genre of christian. Some people that listen to metal might laugh about Christian death/black metal as it sounds like an oxymoron, try listening to Extol or the Cries of the past Underoath album...kinda surprising for being Christian? Sorry got a little off track there lol.

[Kitz]

Underoath are awesome =D

 

Yeah, like MetallicAguy said.. music helps alot with changing my mood. I used to be a really, *really* negative person.. then I read some thing about "creating your own reality", and like, I dunno, it sort of inspired me and just got me thinking things like "I expect miracles every day", "I have great friends", things like that.. and I sort of taught myself to be positive. And hey, it worked =)

[sarsapolis6]

I really like the last comment, because I am taking a class and the subject is something that I am good at, however I could become better at it. The class will involve teamwork and maybe even socialization. The thing that might hold me down is that the people in the class might react negatively towards me (in a subtle way..like maybe a frowning stare) but I think that if I prove to myself that I can be a good student in the class, and talk more to the others (like share a comment on what someone in the class did) then I will have a friendlier, more enjoyable experience in the class. I think my fear of developing negative thoughts will help me to stay positive.

 

Here are the things that I'm negative about:

 

RIDING THE FINANCIAL "ROLLERCOASTER".. UPS AND DOWNS OF GAINING MONEY THEN LOSING IT.

 

MY LACK OF STATUS AND THE DISRESPECT FOR MY CURRENT STATUS

 

ONLY HAVE ACQUAINTANCES AND NOT LONG-TERM FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD.

 

NOT WELL KNOWN IN MY CITY, UNLIKE OTHER PEOPLE (and they're not famous movie stars or politicians or sports players..they're just well known and well liked)

 

STILL LIVING WITH PARENTS WHILE OTHER GUYS HAVE A CAR, A HOUSE, FRIENDLY WOMEN NEARBY

 

MY CURRENT JOB AND HOW IT STINKS BEING AN ELECTRICAL APPRENTICE WHILE WATCHING OTHER 20SOMETHINGS WORK IN OFFICE BUILDINGS OR GRAPHIC DESIGN STUDIO LOFTS, DRINKING LATTES WITH THEIR iPOD AND iBOOK, AND WEARING THOSE SEATTLE/SAN FRANCISCO ARTSTY-TECHNO-HIPSTER CLOTHES WHILE I'M IN MY ELECTRICIAN'S UNIFORM.

 

REACHING A PLATEAU OF TRUST AND FRIENDSHIPS WITH WOMEN ONLY TO SOMEHOW DESTROY THE SOCIAL CONNECTION BECAUSE I "MOVED TOO FAST" OR "DID TOO LITTLE" TO GAIN THEIR COMFORT, COMPANIONSHIP

 

VERY UPSET THAT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE EVERY TIME I'VE SPENT TIME TRYING TO MAKE WOMEN FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND ME, HOWEVER THEY DECIDE THAT I'M NOT WORTH SPEAKING TO AGAIN AND SO THEY DON'T.

 

INEVITABLE MORTALITY

 

NOT PROACTIVE LIKE I USED TO BE IN CERTAIN THINGS, (but back when I was more proactive in dating, finding a career and other things, I was doing it blindly, very naive. Now that I've "woken up" to the mistakes that I've unintentionally made (one big mistake during my K-12 school years was to not interact with other classmates..instead I was stuck in my own little world because I thought that my little world was more desirable than hip hop, parties, cars, cliques, friendship gatherings, and so on. Now I realize that social connections ARE indeed important for later on in life, and I currently don't have a strong social network from the past)

[Gilgamesh]

MY LACK OF STATUS AND THE DISRESPECT FOR MY CURRENT STATUS

 

Who are you trying to impress? if someone tries to find someone more successful then they are they will always succeed. dont compare yourself with others, set a small goal for yourself, and reach for that. no one is keeping scores on you, its not a race.

 

Your value as a person is not based on how many friends you have, how much money you have, or how many women are interested in you.

 

ONLY HAVE ACQUAINTANCES AND NOT LONG-TERM FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD

 

This happens to most, they move around lose contact or die off etc.

I agree its difficult to make new friends, I have this problem also.

Most of my good friends from childhood, have moved off, have family Jobs, etc. people change as they grow up, so do you. so a good friend from childhood may not have the same interests once your all grown up.

 

MY CURRENT JOB AND HOW IT STINKS BEING AN ELECTRICAL APPRENTICE WHILE WATCHING OTHER 20SOMETHINGS WORK IN OFFICE BUILDINGS OR GRAPHIC DESIGN STUDIO LOFTS, DRINKING LATTES WITH THEIR iPOD AND iBOOK, AND WEARING THOSE SEATTLE/SAN FRANCISCO ARTSTY-TECHNO-HIPSTER CLOTHES WHILE I'M IN MY ELECTRICIAN'S UNIFORM.

 

Again your comparing your life with theirs, you envy them and detest them at the same time, you envy their success but thats not really your lifestyle.

 

Today your only an Electricians apprentice, but someday youll be a supervisor.

 

It doesnt take much money on buying a few sets of nice clothes, and looking sharp.

 

Save up some money get a used car, or a motorcycle (guess that would suck in Seattle and all its rain lol).

 

REACHING A PLATEAU OF TRUST AND FRIENDSHIPS WITH WOMEN ONLY TO SOMEHOW DESTROY THE SOCIAL CONNECTION BECAUSE I "MOVED TOO FAST" OR "DID TOO LITTLE" TO GAIN THEIR COMFORT, COMPANIONSHIP

 

here you are adapting to what you think the woman your with wants, instead of being just you and looking for a girl that accepts you just the way you are. Some women like guys that move slow, others like them to move fast, some are dominate other submissive, there is a perfect type, just for you, but you have to discover first who you are .

 

VERY UPSET THAT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE EVERY TIME I'VE SPENT TIME TRYING TO MAKE WOMEN FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND ME, HOWEVER THEY DECIDE THAT I'M NOT WORTH SPEAKING TO AGAIN AND SO THEY DON'T.

 

Read that again, notice "I'VE SPENT TIME TRYING TO MAKE WOMEN FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND ME" see what the problem is here, your "trying" , putting an effort to make them trust you, how can a woman trust someone thats not comfortable with who they are?

If your comfortable with who and what you are, and dont give a hoot about what others think about you, youll find the right girl soon enough.

havent you noticed that no matter who people are, they seem to find partners?

 

thought that my little world was more desirable than hip hop, parties, cars, cliques, friendship gatherings, and so on. Now I realize that social connections ARE indeed important for later on in lif

 

That a good excuse for your current situation but too bad it has nothing to do with anything.

 

People come to this country everyday, they dont speak the language, most have no family, they have no money, heck many are even here illegal, yet they find work, save money, fall in love, and make a home for themselfs and are very happy in life.

 

Positive affirmations do work, Subliminals also help. here are a couple links where lots of free information and downloads is available.

 

link removed

link removed

 

Good luck!

[asdf]

I could come up with over a hundred reasons to think life is miserable and complain about things. You can make a list of bad things that have happened to you, and use that as an excuse to self victimize and effectively not try making a change. It's much easier to do that so you don't have to accept responsibility for your actions/inactions in life.

 

The other thing you could do is accept the fact that bad things happen to you occasionally, but you won't let that stop you and move on. I can bet you that all the positive friends you have also have their share of crap to go through, but they don't dwell on it or let it hinder them.

 

You are in control of your own life. Stop treating yourself like a helpless victim and make excuses for yourself.

 

I think you'll get the hang of it. The fact that you're looking for advice on this kind of thing is the first step. Just don't try to look for a way out or make an excuse for yourself and you'll be fine. Your dating/social life is largely affected by your own attitude, so that will sort itself out. Just focus on yourself first.

[skyteph]

Stop focussing on all the bad things, or you'll miss out on all the good.