i need some advice

[temjin132]

ok so heres the deal, i've been on no contact with my ex for about a month. i still had some of her stuff over at my place, which were sort of valuble so i didn't want to throw them out, so instead, i took them to her house to return them. she's studying at school, so i knew she wouldn't be there. i was just hoping to run into her mom and drop it off and go.

 

well things didn't quite work out the way i thought they would. her mom saw me, and i was kinda in tears when i arrived cuz the memories of driving down that road really got to me, plus it was at night so it made me more emotional. anyway, her mom invited me in and we talked, for a long while. her mom cried b/c she knew the story of what happened between us(read old posts if you want to know) and she told me she felt so bad for me. well, i ended up crying a river as well, and the more we talked, the more confused i got. she was completely, 100% on my side. it was baffling, seeing her denounce her own daughter and condemn all her actions. her mom even told me, "find a better girl who will love you and respect you. you don't want my daughter you deserve so much better, you will find better." she even told me she loved me and really was hoping for us to get married one day. she told me she knew no one would ever love her daughter as much as i did.

 

so today i get a fone call from my ex and i refused to pick up. but she kept calling and after i turned off my cell, she called my house, waking up my entire family. i got pissed, so i picked up. and here she was screaming at me. cursing me out and questioning how i had the audacity to talk to her mom. she said, "this is between you and me. don't bring my family into this, are you trying to make our relationship(her and her mom's) worse? i ended up yelling at her back, and we argued briefly before i hung up. i couldnt stand talking to her anymore, i didnt need this cancer in my life any more.

 

sorry for such a long story, but now im wondering, was i really so wrong to go over there and talk to her mom? i mean it wasn't my intention to, but she invited me in, even hugged me at the door. and i must say, i don't feel bad about it at all. if her relationship with her mom sucks right now, well then thats her fault. theres a reaon her mom is upset with her, she cheated on me and threw away our great relationship. her mom adored me, and she knew that.

 

i know me going over there made her relationship that much worse with her mom, i mean they already weren't talking before i arrived. but even had i gone over with the intetions of talking to her mom, to tell her my side of story, (b/c she only knew her daughters rendition of it), would it really have been so wrong? i mean its not like i never ever talked to her mom before, we did have some kind of relationship. as it turns out talking to her mom helped me so much, it has brought closure to this entire ordeal. Ironically, her mom was more supportive, caring and comforting to me than any of my friends were able to be during this process. its late, sorry if im rambling on and on.. oh and you guys are really great too!

[heloladies21]

Normally I would say it's not a good idea to talk to ex's family about things, but usually people do it to try and mend the relationship. But in your case I think it was a good thing. If this is what you needed to do to get closure then so be it. Just make sure it's true closure and make it all uphill from here on out.

 

As far as your ex, who cares about how she feels? She deserves everything negative that happens to her.

[Beautifulfallingdown]

personlly I think that you did not do anything wrong AT ALL! When you went over there you were simply meaning to return her property. And I guess you and her mom just started talking. There is nothing wrong with that. It was in completely innocenses. I mean you did say her mother knew her daughters version of the story, so she must have shared your relationship with her so whats the big deal with you sharing your version as well.

Maybe this ex-gf of yours (she cheated you say, maybe I'm confused) but maybe she is just afraid to be put into an even worse light with her mother. You said her mother even said you deserve better. So maybe your ex was just upset you telling her your side of it all may worsen everything. From the sounds of your situation alone and the fact of CHEATING you can get better. I know a good judge of how a relationship is, is how the child is with the parents yelling and fighting or not talking at all can be a bad thing for your relationship, (not sure what the problem was but I hope you understand) (an example of mine judgement of a relationship using this method was I dated a guy who's mother never showed him much love or attention and he in turn was screwed up and has problems, controlling, ex. Kind of what you'd expect if someone wnated your attention badly enough and sometimes you couldn't give that you know what i mean.)

 

Hope this help's, any other details about your realtionship you'd like to give, that may support anything i've said for to clarify anything I'd be happy to do that Take care.

[kskm]

I don't think that you did anything wrong. You didn't intentionally go over there to speak to her mom about your relationship with her daughter.

 

But her Mom doesn't need to be mad at her daughter for cheating on you and thowing away your relationship. She could be dissappointed, but it's not her life. So they shouldn't be fighting with each other because of that anyways.

 

Don't listen to your ex. Don't pick up even if she does call have someone else answer it and explain that you don't want to have any contact with her.

[patience]

her mom chose to talk with you, and the conversation you had with her mom was between you and her mom

 

your ex is trying to control you

 

I suggest you cut ties with this woman now, do no contact, and heal from this

[Bounder]

I dont know if your ex has a history of cheating, but regardless, you obviously still care about her. I dont think its because you're weak, and abviously neither did her mother. You were not wrong to go over there. Maybe you should have kept a stiffer lip and tried to get out with a minimum of water works, but you cant change that now. What I dont understand is she is the one who hurt YOU, and she is angry with your coping mechanisms, that seems rather selfish.

[temjin132]

her mom and her aren't just fighting b/c of us. its b/c my ex chose to break up with me and move on into a new relationship. she's in school and her mom is mad that she wont use this time to heal and focus on her school work but instead jump into a new relationship. she also never comes home anymore, she stays up in school to be close to him. i guess her mom is mainly hurt b/c her daughter has become so defiant, since shes never home, her mom feels like shes lost her daughter.

 

i did probably say more than i should have to her mom, but it was so hard holding back, i just felt like i needed to get everything out. its been 2 months, im tired of this, i really just want to move on. and her mom was just so understanding, it made it so easy to talk to her. i don't feel bad and i think its time i was selfish, whatever becomes of their relationship is my ex's problem, its not like she hasnt hurt me enough in this whole process.

[patience]

hopefully the conversation with her mom, and your ex's awful reaction to it, will help you to have some closure now