Advice Please!!!!!

[JimInNJ]

My wife of 20 years walked out on my 2 kids (16 & 6) and myself three months ago stating that she was "unhappy" and decided to rent a room from a friend. I was also informed that I never did one thing for her in that time and that she was miserable since 1993 when I was involved in an auto accident that left me disabled. I didn't find out until about a week later that she had been carrying on an affair with her assistant manager at work since Christmas and he was the "friend" with whom she decided to move in. Did I mention that his wife had just left him and HIS 2 kids? For the first month I heard not a word from her but since that time she has been seeing my 6-year-old every Sat. or Sun. My 16-year-old wants nothing to do with her. When she was here she was contributing to our mortgage payment each month, but now, I am struggling to make ends meet. I live on a monthly disability check which covers very little, which she knows and doesn't care. Everyone on both sides of the family have tried to talk me into seeking child support and/or custody from her. The problem is that she carries my children and me on her company medical insurance benefit and has threatened to drop us if I pursue child support. ALSO.....her name, along with mine, is on the title of our home and she has again threatened to force me to sell the home to get her share of the equity (which is about $80,000) regardless of where her kids would go. And I can't possibly obtain a home equity loan to give her the share because I don't work and wuldn't be able to pay it back. For awhile I truly thought I still loved her and wanted her back. Now, I just don't know. I am lost without her but, obviously, I don't think she feels the same about me. Her parents have disowned her feeling that she turned her back on her children to which she replied: "He is a better father to the kids than I am a mother." Is that a cop-out or what? Her mom told her that she knows she didn't want the kids because they would interfere with her new single lifestyle. I thought we had it all.....cars, a new and bigger home, two healthy children and each other. Then this happened. She recently turned 41 years old and people told me that she was going through the "change." I don't know what to do. Can I trust her ever again if she was to return? I know this relationship will come crashing down and she has burned all of her bridges behind her so she would have no one to turn to. But how long do I wait? And, SHOULD I WAIT? I can't sleep at night thinking about what she's doing, I have lost over 30 pounds and am totally and completely miserable. Help, please before I do something drastic.

[hoppy26]

from a guy who was in this situation with his parents( me when i was 13....now 26). my father walked out one my mother, my sister, my half-brother(hes my brother) and me. i cant say after all these years i have trully forgiven my father. i love him very much. he left for another woman. that eneded up not lasting to long. that was even more fuel to my fire. i guess what im trying to say is......my mother has raised all three of us since then. she works full time, helped put us in college/tech school, and the list could go on. my father is also disabled. his life changed overnight. a major brain anurism and stroke to everything he ever had away.....except for imidiate family. his wife lives in NC while he lives in CT. weird tough situtaion. YOU CAN DO THIS ALONE MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!

BE THE FATHER YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO BE. IN THE BEST POSSABLE WAY YOU CAN.. no matter what happens with your wife you have wonderful children that will never leave your side. my mother believes she has become better off. i believe you will to.

[cookies]

Jim im so sorry 2 hear u going thru this. Thats not a good situation, for her to move in with a friend, that also happen to be her lover. She didnt leave because she was unhappy, but also because she found happiness elsewhere. Some women would sacrifice their everything, to seek after what they think* is their newfound love...

 

but its ok tho...let her move forward with her plans, and you do the same because you have 2 children to take care of. Dont worry about the threats shes ma king to you. YOu seem to have a legitimate case, and once you consult with a lawyer, you will better understand your options and rights as the custodian parent. I think it would be fair to you, as well as the children to seek child support. The medical benefits will have to continue, if the judge grants it in your favour, which will more than likely happen.

As well, there are other state programs that will benefit ppl in ur situation, for yourself as well as your children, so dont worry too much about that. Just understand that you cant waste too much time wandering if she is going to come around to her senses that she has everything many women dream for. By waiting too long, you will lessen your chances of beiing able to sustain a living for your children as well as a yourself. Use this time to ur advantage, and the sooner you act upon it, the sooner you can move forward comfortably.

 

If you would like to discussi tfurther, please send me a private message...im always willing to talk on the phone as well...good luck and i pray that God bless you peace so that you can s tart sleeping sound as a baby...

 

cookies