When does this ride stop ??

[Bobby101]

Well its been a month to the day that my ex left me.

 

Today I thought about the events leading up the breakup and was wondering what you guys thought.

 

A week before she actually split up with me she made an attempt to split up with me. This was resolved. Hours later she then sent me a txt message to say that she has been thinking about it non-stop, that she was sorry and she was going to be more honest with me. Well I suppose she could have been more honest with me a week later ! ? but what do you think this whole episode was about ?

 

I have been totally up and down and all around since the breakup. I have moments where I feel I have great worth and then moments when I feel worthless.

 

Ive been at the gym every day since the break to get myself looking how I want to look - this helps - then when I'm alone I hurt with her heartbeat in my head.

 

Ive spoken to everyone I know, virtually about this but I respect the impartial advice/comments given here.

 

We lived together for a year and she moved to live with her friend, only to come back to my town to live with her aunt. I can handle this on the outside but inside it hurts.

 

One minute she told me she wanted to grow old with me then the next she said we had nothing in common and different views.

[confused89]

maybe she does not know what she thinks and just needs time and space to figure it out.

have you been speaking to her since you broke up?

maybe if you give her some time to think about it and figure whatever she is thinking she may come back to you.

she may see that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

[PlayBrat]

Doug...

 

I have those same "up and down" days. I can totally relate to how you feel. Your ex sounds like she is not sure what she wants. I can say..as a woman ..I change my mind a lot. It is frustrating not only for OTHER people..but for myself as well. Our needs change day to day...and some days we think we NEED or want something more than others. I think women go through this a LOT more than guys...due to hormonal changes , etc. Don't be surprised if you DO hear from her again...and then she leaves again. I am not speaking for ALL women, I am just trying to give you a female point of view from someone who has been where your ex is.

I can't tell you HOW to react, because thats not my place..but for ME..I always appreciated someone who was more stable than I was at these times...and who even though they didn't UNDERSTAND me..accepted me despite these times. ..and yes, I always went back.

Hope that helps some.

[Bounder]

Sounds like she may still be tring to find herself. If you dont know yourself, you can never know yourself with someone else, make sense?

[heloladies21]

Friend, the dumper goes through a time period of confusion when they're about to break up the relationship. Some people are strong enough to pull the trigger in one shot, but others need at least a couple of tries to pull it off. It's not uncommon.

 

Keep to the No Contact and the gym thing. Get together with friends more, make new friends if you want. And you should be talking to other girls, lots of them. I think that's the best thing you could do. Wouldn't that be something amazing if you went out and just happened to find someone who blows your ex away? You gotta try at least, right?

[Bobby101]

Thanks for all your comments from a female perspective.

 

I would just not tell someone I would 'grow old' with then unless I meant it. But I suppose things change, people change - its the only constant thing in life and I suppose we got to embrace it.

 

After I have said all that though I still feel hurt. Rejected. I have searched my soul to find out who I am and what I am....and I'm happy. When a relationship ends like mine did I think self reflection is un-avoidable. It hurt me alot though trying to find out what was wrong with me. Had I changed ?

 

Like you said I think some Women may have a tendency to change their minds on a daily basis. Choosing to just 'wash their hands of a situation' because its easier. Nothing wrong with that but its not facing problems head on to perhaps resolve an issue. I would have appreciated my ex at least giving 'us' a second chance and then, if things didn't change or workout, we could call it a day.

 

This relationship was just a disappointment for me. Maybe there were problems but I don't think that I will ever been in a perfect relationship. She does!

 

I received a text message from her the day after the breakup saying that she has never been more confused in her life and had to do this as she needs time to think.

 

There's nothing else I can do but honour that action and be there for her if she needs me. I'm only on this planet once as far as I know and I got to move on - its all I can do.

 

She is going to a party that I'm going to on Saturday and I WILL be cool about it. My friend thinks that its a bad idea, whilst I respect and appreciate his concern, this is just something I got to do. Why should I feel that I got to hide away ?

[Bounder]

Dont hide. I went to party where my ex was there and it was huge for me. However, I ended up hooking up with someone, and that complicated things, but dont hide....

[Bobby101]

I feel stronger now. I ain't gonna hide - just be myself. Happy. Ive worked really hard on myself since this all happened and so far so good. Still got more work to do but it will take a bit more time.

 

I've only had 8 months single since I was 16. I dont think ive missed out because Ive always had a balance and the best friends imaginable. Maybe this is the route cause of my fear ? I just don't get into a relationship unless I can give 100% - love hard / hurt hard.

 

Did she get upset when you hooked up with someone else ?

 

Regards from Scotland.

[Bobby101]

Well ive messed up real bad.

 

If anyone wants an example on how not to deal with a breakup read on ;

 

As aforementioned I went to a party on Saturday my ex also attended.

 

I kept it together and was able to speak to her like a friend.

 

One of my friends (prob the most loyal person Ive met) who has been there for me through all this and knows first hand how upset I am spoke to her.

 

I watched from a distance and could sense some heat. Next thing I know my ex left the party.

 

Hours later I called her to see if she was ok and explained that my friend was just annoyed at how upset ive been.

 

I invited her to my house to talk. she came and we ended up sleeping together.

 

Sunday morning we both knew that it was not a good idea.

 

Now I'm left feeling very confused and I know this is my fault to a certain degree.

[Bounder]

Part of me wishes so much that i could have one more night with my ex.....but I see from your pain that it hurts to have her walk away again....are you talking with her?

[Bobby101]

Bounder,

 

NC has just resumed.

 

I think I am makin a big issue out of all of this. She is obviously coping and laughing so I am gonna do that aswell.

 

Life is too short for feeling like we all are. We need to look forward. I have just sent a message to my friends telling them how much i appreciate them. These are people who will be with me for the rest of my life. Unconditional love.

 

When I was in the relationship I though about her and her feelings, disregarding my own.

 

A question I have to ask ;

 

What can you do when you've been dumped ?

 

- Nothing. You just got to accepted its over. Yeah you will feel like crap but from all of this we learn about ourselves. Dumpers learn nothing. They will perhaps feel regret because part of your heart will always be with them in some way.

 

WE ALL DESERVE LOVE. We may well get hurt but it is a risk worth taking.

 

My inspirational quote ;

 

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

26th president of US (1858 - 1919)

[rx7]

Hey Doug;

 

I did that too... various times and didn't learn my lesson very well... Sleeping with the ex that is... Sometimes, if you hang out you think theres hope when really she's totally not on the same wavelength, just looking for a good time.

 

My advice, looking back... DONT DO IT....THE PAIN!

 

But of course, everyone has to learn for themselves!