Is she in love and just guarded, or am I a fool?

[Demond34]

I've posted my story on here awhile ago. In the breakup section. Since then we have gotten back together.

 

The thing is, I'm not sure if she'll ever get back to the way she was, when i had no doubt she was in love. I'm left with thoughts rattling in my head of does she love me and just guarded?, is she not really in love with me?, or she is just biding her time until she gets the opportunity to move and its out of sight out of mind?

 

Here's my dilemma, since we've been back shes been hot and cold. We looked at engagement rings and so forth, I went with her to the hospital to see her newborn nephews, been out to eat. We even drove down to the Beach over the weekend to hang out with my cousin and his family. She's coming over to my nephews party in 2 weeks and she even asked me to go back down to the beach with her and her friends. SHe has been around my family again and I have been to her house again.

 

But also since we've been back together, the I love you's are barely said(except when we were at the beach and she was drinking and the I love you's were every other word along with the kisses), her tone of voice is so different on the phone and in person, she doesn't iniate contact at all(before she'd always be touching me, playing with my hair, rubbing my back), no intimacy in a month, doesn't seem to get excited as much about the little things between us. We dont hang out as much, after being on the phone its just good bye, not I love you or I'll call you tom. or tonite. She doesn't stay over anymore, she used to all the time before the split.

 

It's almost like role reversal. I was that way at times in our relationship and this caused problems. So obviously, thats what I'm working on. But its like now that she has it or atleast sees my efforts, it seems like it still doesnt make her happy. So I'm left dumbfounded. I still think shes slightly depressed or just confused with life.

 

She says she loves me, but its definitely not the way, or doesnt show it the way she used to. Will it ever come back? I don't force it on her, I try and give her the space she needs. I don't call much and I haven't been asking to hang out much. I usually let her do that. I dont want to put any pressure on her, but I don't know how long I'll take the confusion. B/c I know if she was in the love the way it was, she'd definitely act differently towards me. Anything I can do to increase her interest? Stay away more? Do little things for her, like she used to do for me?

 

I want to be the nice guy for her, do things for her, show her I love her but I don't want to be walked over and be a doormat and her crush me again. Its almost like a catch 22. I want it to work, but i'm tired too. I think thats how she felt going into the break up. Any advice?

[sidehop]

I've read your stories from the past and seems like this girl has gone a lot & you have to give her A LOT of time to heal for her to trust you again if she does. You have to be the person she can look up to, count on and know she can be with you but feel loved every moment, safe and without any worries. Again it will take time and you have to patient if you want this girl back but don't hesitate in showing her how much she means to you. You have to make her think...you can't just show her that you're trying 'hard' but do it in a unique way that she won't expect it...if you don't call her, write her a letter...drop a quick note of how you feel about her...and it's just a matter of time.

 

But if she becomes more distance in the future at some point in time you have to decide if you have to let go...I wish you the very best and hopefully you can win her back again.

[Demond34]

Thanks for your response.

 

I think you're right on about her having to heal and get over some things. I have to remain patient and show her I love her but at the same time not forcing it down her throat and overwhelming her and pushing her away. I don't think she's ready to let her walls down and let me back in fully 100%. I just hope she eventually will, and I'll know when she has.