FEELING VERY ANGRY TODAY...RANT

[Satin]

Hi everyone. I am in an angry mood today and I am not sure why

exactly. I started doing NC on my "ex" on Friday, but all these feelings keep coming up, that I keep trying to 'stuff" or make excuses for. I don't like feeling angry, but I can't help it. I feel like lashing out at him, because HE is part of the reason I am feeling this way. I just feel like I jumped through so many hoops for him...just to make HIM happy, and right now I am feeling pretty resentful. I have pined, begged, pleaded..and yes accused, all to no avail. Mostly I have taken the blame for everything that went wrong, but I think that only makes me MORE angry, because I am not a martyr. I didn't do anything he didn't allow me to do...and he led me on for quite a while. I admit I didn;t give him space when I should have....and that was probably my biggest fault. I have since lashed out at him ..not outright lashing...but subtley accusing him of being at fault as well. I need to get this out of my system before I go nuts. I am working out too...and it helps somewhat, but I am still angry.

Is this a normal stage or feeling?? Is anyone else feeling like this??

The way he remembered me was as this whiney weak, begging woman..and that's NOT who I am. I was hurt, and feeling pretty pathetic.

NOW I am plain angry. I hope this is normal and that I will soon get past this. This site is helpful too...venting helps a LOT.

Is anyone else in this stage right now as well? What do you do to get through it?

Thanks.

[confusedashell]

I'm starting to develope something like that for my wife..err still cant get used to saying ex wife. It's only been two weeks really. I tired, tired, tired and all to no avail. If we didnt have a child together maybe I would have just let it all go sooner, I dont know. Or had she acted like she says she feels then maybe would have let go sooner. Its hard to walk away from someone you love without a fight or without at least trying to fix things. I think thats natural. Dont feel pathetic about it. Everyones done it. Everyones gotten dumped at some point and if not, then they will. And everyone acts the same way if you did truly love that person and want to be with them. At least you walk away knowning that you did try to make it right.

 

About being angry. I think its natural to feel a little resentment! You were after all, dumped. You loved someone and they didnt return the feeling. Yu feel hurt and ignored. But it will pass away. Just start to focus on other things.

[Satin]

Thanks Confused

 

I think I feel resentful because HE acts innocent in all this. As if his actions had NO bearing on the way things turned out. No apologies, not even an acknowledgement that HE was in any way wrong. His dismissal of me was rather cold and and abrupt. I guess the lack of real closure is what's HURT me the most....his cold and indifferent attitude is what makes me ANGRY. I AM trying to vent my anger positively...and without beating myself up. I did that far too long.

Anyway thanks for the post...your advice is appreciated. I wish you well in your recovery as well We will get through this!

[lady00]

What you're going through is 100% normal and it will pass. But it will take a great deal of effort on your part to let go of your anger. It starts with forgiveness. Forgive him and yourself for whatever you did wrong in the relationship. It can't be fixed but the ending means you don't have to go through it again, which is good for both of you.

 

Realize that when you beg or accuse an ex after a breakup, they will recede into a cold/uncaring emotional state (at least to your face...who knows what he's going through behind closed doors) because you are disagreeing with what they want and essentially telling them that the way they are feeling is wrong or bad and they should feel differently. This makes them feel like you're trying to emotionally control that and it will almost always cause them to resent you or be cold toward you. He more than likely knows you're angry at him and that actually will make him more resentful and cold. You give what you get. If you project anger, you get anger in return. If you project a sense of independence and happiness, you get that in return. Funny thing is, if your ex were to say "I blame you for _________ (fill in the blank with whatever he has accused you of)" and you were to agree with him and say "yeah, that was wrong of me," chances are his anger about that would fade and he would actually defend you and probably admit his mistakes too. But at this point, contacting him will not serve either of you because you're hurting a lot.

 

If you're doing NC, that's good. The more time off you get from talking to him, the more time you will have to work on letting the anger go. I'm not saying you're not justified in being angry at him. I'm saying that being angry over the long run won't be good for you. It'll just make you feel more miserable. So you need to work on forgiveness and letting the anger go.

[temperamental_taurus]

Hiya Satin - I'm going through the same emotions as you are. I also begged, pleaded, humiliated myself in front of him - all because he broke me down. Yes, I too felt weak and pathetic... and I have lashed out at him, and I do have moments where I am so angry. Angry at myself for being weak, angry at him for taking advantage of my love for him, angry that he led me on, told me he loved me, that I fell for all of it. He blamed me too for everything, but as they say when you point a finger you have 3 more pointing back at you.

 

I think it's normal to be angry - it's part of the healing process. After all these emotions work themselves out, we'll feel better and be much stronger because of what we went through.

 

My ex was not a good person, although it took me WAY too long to figure that out... and so I am now willing to accept that we are over, that it's going to take time for me to heal and I'm allowing myself time to do it and go through all the emotions that this healing requires. I'm right there with you and time does ease the pain!

[Satin]

Thanks to those who have replied.

I posted earlier this afternoon...and I am still feeling that "anger"...so

I am looking for other ways to "let go".

I am discarding things that remind me of him. I blocked his name online...deleted his number. I just wish I could delete HIM from my memory!! Why oh WHY isn;t there a feature like that for us in this god forsaken world of technology??

I know this will pass and I will feel better....I hate feeling angry. It ruins my WHOLE day, and I am not good company for anyone who deserves to see the good side of me. It's wrong that I am sitting here hurting and thinking of him...while he is probably out , having a good old time not giving me a second thought. I should be out there too...

I am not going to lie. Right now I feel utterly pathetic. I wish i could go to sleep and wake up in six months, and never think of him again.

I wish he would meet someone who treats him like dirt..or someone who leaves him hanging in the wind when he has emotionally invested himself in someone. Yeah ..right now I am bitter, and angry. I feel like a fool..that's what it boils down to. I am sure if the situation were reversed he would feel the same way..but right now he's too selfish to see that.

 

I am sorry for the angry post...but I am thankful there is a place like this where I can get it out..and get support and not judged or berated for it.

I feel much better...

Thanks!