My BF is more turned on by porn then me

[B8be410]

I am a fairly nice looking woman, average weight, nice face, nothing terribly unattractive. My boyfriend tends to look at porn, atleast several times a week(I assume he is masturbating each time he does this). It tends to take me a WHILE to get him to become aroused. He says he is too tired, he couldn't stop thinking about food, something was distracting him like tv or the cats and I just cannot get him going. Sometimes I would like to think that he must have just 'fixed' himself right before I got home, and that is the real reason, but he would never admit that. He says he is still very attracted to me, but sometimes it does not seem like he is at all. The other night, we were watching porn on tv together, (he was sooooo tired he was not interested in having sex) a scene came on for like 5 minutes. He was ridiculously aroused when he jumped up! One scene with two women, and in such a short amount of time! (And he STILL would not fool around w/me, even after getting aroused!)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I sit here in almost tears, wondering what could possibly be my problem. Why does a man do this? Do they not need you anymore? Should I get ready to move on? Does he not desire me enough sexually?

[gracee]

i think both of you has aproblem, is your bf a sex addict??? on your first time to do it how did he feels?? i think you do something that would excite him nore than what the scene is on tv, try to give him the so called oral sex.. i don't know but most guys like it.. i haven't try it bec. i haven't had a husband but maybe you should try...

[Gilgamesh]

Hello B8be

 

There is nothing wrong with you, I believe he is having insecurities about his performance, with porn he has no stress about doing it "right" no stress about making the other person orgasm, understand? with you he is probably experiencing performance anxiety.

 

You need talk to him, find out what he wants, maybe he has a fantasy he wants to live out, but dont pressure him, and never criticize his performance, if he looses his erection, try oral, if he has PE, tell him youd like him to go down on you. you need to build his confidence.

[B8be410]

I give him oral constantly, we have masturbated together, we have a very active sex life. And usually, he seems to really enjoy it! However, it is killing me that even though we are intimate almost once a day, he still jumps on the porn sites the second I walk out the door or fall asleep.

I was actually a stripper when we first started dating, and I was posted on several internet sites, I quit all of this for him because it bothered him so much. He was never interested in looking at my web pages and videos on the internet, and yet all he does is look at these other women. Atleast if he had been looking at me, I would know that he was fantasizing about me. He tells me that he just looks at the stuff because he is bored, and has become 'accustomed' to it. Is this true? Men out there, can you really be looking at a bunch of women with their genitalia posted for your viewing and really be fantasizing about your girlfriend. This seems very unrealistic to me. Please help. What to do?

[B8be410]

Is it possible that perhaps he does not 'need' me (sexually). Can porn be as good as a real live human being at times? He does have insecurities on performance due to his ex's. and he has always been forced to hide his interest in the internet stuff, and playboy channel from them. Is it possible that perhaps he can satisfy himself as good, or better by himself then with me? How can I tell? When I confront him about the internet stuff, he tells me that he only goes on to surf, and look. Sometimes he is on for 20 minutes, sometimes over an hour, several times a week when I am not home, or he is home before me.

 

Perhaps, he just settles with me? And all he really needs is the internet, and some good movies to keep himself happy. What makes a man choose porn over sex? Sex that makes them scream and go crazy? Because he is afraid he won't be able to perform?(which happens a LOT lately). Should I leave him. . .

[speedracer780]

Ok I can understand why a guy watches porn ( most guys do in one way or another). But to choose it over sex is a definite problem. I think the best place to start is by actually talking to him. There needs to be communication about this. YOu need to ask him all of these questions. Only he can tell you what is going through his mind. Not us. Don't be rediculous though in your discussion (not interogation, you need to talk WITH him about it). Of course porn cannot replace a human being.

[adeadfetusbrain]

... i think the problem is not you, the problem is men. theres something you need to understand. men masterbate all the time and usually to porn. dont feel threatend by this. hes not gonna leave you for porn.

[m3chris]

B8be410...

 

I am so sorry you (as like many other women) have to go through this. Fortunately, you have an advantage. You have been a stripper!!! I don't mean that in a bad way, but my husband is way into porn too, and he has wanted me to strip for him. Its my one major insecurity because compared to the girls on the web, I would look like a complete geek!!!!!

 

Use this to your advantage, if you haven't already. Have him find a striptease he likes, and then have you mimic it, only add in your own personal "extras" and make it better!!!

 

Just this morning, I had my husband tell me (not in these words exactly) that I didn't turn him on as much as porn. As true as that might be with any guy, it HURTS!!!!! The only thing I have learned so far is that its a lot nicer having him be open with it and include me in it then him doing it behind my back. Showing that you love and accept him for who he is, will be the closest way that I can think of to encourage him to change. But if he changes by his own wants instead of yours, it will be a lot more permanent.

[garymax]

If your B/F is turned on by porn more than by you, it's best you find someone who will give you their total time and attention.

 

Porn is degrading to women. It portrays an ideal that very few women--if any women at all--can compete with. You deserve better. You should not have to "compete" with the latest centerfold or even the scantily women who appear on TV.

 

And very few people realize that just because "everybody" does this or that, it does not make it right or even "normal". If porn were OK we wouldn't be in this forum having such a discussion.

 

Here's the low down: men are attracted by the visual more so than women. This has been proven time and again. God made the man this way. It's also a fact that you move in the direction of your most dominate thought. So if a man constantly thinks about porn or allows these thoughts to stay in his mind, guess where his feet will take him?

 

Also, God stated that .."as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." It is what you constantly meditate and think on that controls you. Porn has a very controlling power because it fuels these thoughts and it deals with fantasies and hidden desires. If not checked, it will eventually lead to an action.

 

And unless a man stops this cyclical action of viewing porn, it will carry over into marriage...and will, in many cases, cause heartache and misery.

 

God created sex so why not go to His Word and see what he says about the matter. And if He says that sex (including porn) outside of marriage is wrong (He does) it isn't because He doesn't want anyone having fun. It is for your protection and mutual benefit.

 

I say give your BF an ultimatum: it's either you or the porn and make him choose--in both word and deed. If he chooses porn, move on...after all, you are worth it.

 

Also remember: no one can be tempted with something that he does not think about.