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[HellFrost666]

I have been posting here the last few weeks about my relationship with a married woman. Now she has moved out and they are planning on filing for divorce.

 

I talked to her for a few hours the other night, and then got drunk and posted in the Infidelity forum. If anyone wants to see that thread it's here:

link removed

This thread goes with that one, so if anything confuses anyone, look at the other thread...

 

My conversation with her the other night was indescribable. It started out on line but we ended up talking on the phone for most of it. Things got emotional from both sides. She told me she went to look for another apartment, but then her and her sister talked and decided to just be roomates for the time being. She has moved most of her stuff into her sister's place and they made it ok with the landlord for her to live there.

 

She told me that she can't believe this is all happening so fast, and that after wedding day things between her and her husband just changed, it was like he was a whole different person. SHe is also having a hard time dealing with her family (with the exception of her sister) right now, because they keep rubing it in her face. She is getting a lot of "I told you so." from her parents.

 

Her husband calls me her BoyToy. (I have to laugh about that one.) She also said the husband's new girlfriend is sending her nasty e-mails a lot now too. His new girlfriend is one of the girls he used to cheat on her with.

 

Now on the other end of things I told her that this isn't just killing time for me, that I am really serious about her and I am falling for her. I told her about my passed expiriences. I told her all about getting burned pretty bad by a girl before I came to the US.

 

I didn't call her back that night and ask her to come over, but I wanted to. Since I was drunk I didn't think it would be a good idea. I'm sure she'll meet drunk me in due time...

 

I realize it's stupid to be annoyed with me roomate. He is a funny guy and he's never seen this side of me before. He finds humor in every situation and I just need to deal with it. (Besides I've seen him get far worse over girls in the passed.)

 

Next time he calls me Andrea I'll just mention the time he fought with his ex and was crying like a baby after a few Jager bombs, that'll shut him up.

 

For the record, my name is not Andrew, it's something kinda close to that. I'm just saying this because I don't want people calling me the wrong name.

 

Yes, things are moving along. I don't know how to handle all of it right now.

 

Any thoughts on any of it?

[Shadows Light]

A. (by the way... the name thing gets me too.... with mine).

 

I read your previous posts. So you love her eh??? Well then you wait for her. I think that was the advice you received from a few other posts.

 

Do I detect a hint of GUILT on your part?? Just a question, since you seem to be brooding and drowning yourself in drink there. Exactly what are you upset about? Her moving in with her sister and not you?

 

I understand that you want to be her champion and be on the recieving end of all that anger her husband is handing out. And the guilt you feel is because you feel responsibile. You said you seduced her. Darlin, if she didn't want to be seduced...it wouldn't have happened. It was a mutual connection you made. Not your fault or her fault. It's happened.

 

The situation as it is .... is a delicate one. Not your typical romance that you can pull from field of experience and know...what is protocol, what is right and what to do next. Darn hollywood for not helping us out with this dilema... lol.

 

And I read that you are afraid to lose her through the turbulant ride she's about to take through the DIVORCE ROLLER COASTER Ride. You have good reason to be troubled. Its not a fun process. Frankly it sucks the big sssswwwaaaazzzzzoooooo.

 

OK... here's what you do. Let her fight her own fight with her husband. Its her battleground. But be there for her when she needs to talk, when she needs the support of those who love and care for her. Nope... won't be easy seeing her be emotionally pummeled...but...there's not much you can do about it. Except be there for her. And you can't be there for her if you're half slossshed in drink. Get it.

 

Let nature run its course on this one. Don't pressure and don't manipulate the situation... she's in a very hurt and cofused frame of mind as it is. You pressure her... and those nearest and dearest (ie Sister) will tear you heart out.

 

Her parents..and the "I TOLD YOU SO's" gotta love family. Family puts the FUN in dysfunctional, doesn't it. Well.. this is where she will have to navigate the waters and get through it.

 

And the name thing for you..... HEY... they do it because it riles you. Ignore it... they'll lose interest in it and find other barbs to throw. They always do. LOL.

[HellFrost666]

I read your previous posts. So you love her eh??? Well then you wait for her. I think that was the advice you received from a few other posts.

 

Yes, I love her, and yes, I am waiting...

 

Do I detect a hint of GUILT on your part?? Just a question, since you seem to be brooding and drowning yourself in drink there. Exactly what are you upset about? Her moving in with her sister and not you?

 

Yes, you detect right. Am I upset about her moving with her sister, of coarse not. I couldn't be happier that she moved in with her sister. I'm just glad she's away from the jerk she married.

 

She told me she didn't sign a lease for any certain period with her sister's landlord. I'm glad for that too, because honnestly I don't think it'll be too long before she moves here with me.

 

Yea, I drink too much...

 

I understand that you want to be her champion and be on the recieving end of all that anger her husband is handing out. And the guilt you feel is because you feel responsibile. You said you seduced her. Darlin, if she didn't want to be seduced...it wouldn't have happened. It was a mutual connection you made. Not your fault or her fault. It's happened.

 

I'd take her place when dealing with her husband any time. He can bite my face next time, I don't care. She doesn't deserve any of his crap.

 

Yes, we had a mutual connection. But I was the one who initiated, and that was after she told me she would probably never cheat even though she had permission. That didn't stop me though... Neither her or I had never had a one night stand before. I guess now we still haven't, because it has ended up being more then just a one night stand.

 

I guess I have to finish replying to this later, long story, but I'm not finished yet...[/b]

[Cynder]

Hmmm... complicated.

[HellFrost666]

Allright, now to resume what I was saying...

 

"The situation as it is .... is a delicate one. Not your typical romance that you can pull from field of experience and know...what is protocol, what is right and what to do next. Darn hollywood for not helping us out with this dilema... lol. "

 

Hollywood sucks.

 

"And I read that you are afraid to lose her through the turbulant ride she's about to take through the DIVORCE ROLLER COASTER Ride. You have good reason to be troubled. Its not a fun process. Frankly it sucks the big sssswwwaaaazzzzzoooooo."

 

Yes, scared to death honnestly. All I can do is wait the whole thing out...

 

"OK... here's what you do. Let her fight her own fight with her husband. Its her battleground. But be there for her when she needs to talk, when she needs the support of those who love and care for her. Nope... won't be easy seeing her be emotionally pummeled...but...there's not much you can do about it. Except be there for her. And you can't be there for her if you're half slossshed in drink. Get it."

 

I guess I am just being protective. If he is black hearted enought to bite her then who knows what else he is capable of. I don't even want to think it. Maybe the next time his new girlfriend sends her an insulting e-mail she should send new gf back a word of warning about what a violent person she is getting involved with.

 

Seeing her go through this will be hell on me, but you are right, all I can do is be there. It actually makes it harder knowing that I can't do anything.

 

As far as my drinking is concerned, it has actually slowed down a lot since I met her. Like the night we met, under normal circumstances I would have been tanked that night, but I only had one drink all night long. Same at the party... You are right, I shouldn't be drinking so much. She gives me a good reason not to.

 

"Let nature run its course on this one. Don't pressure and don't manipulate the situation... she's in a very hurt and cofused frame of mind as it is. You pressure her... and those nearest and dearest (ie Sister) will tear you heart out.

 

Her parents..and the "I TOLD YOU SO's" gotta love family. Family puts the FUN in dysfunctional, doesn't it. Well.. this is where she will have to navigate the waters and get through it. "

 

Yes, her sister would be infuriated if I did anything to complicate this situation any further. Her parents on the other hand... it's hard to say. There isn't much that can be done about family. They are always there. There will always be conflict between family members.

 

This is why I'm glad my family lives accross the ocean, lol.

 

So that is my long, long reply. I am feeling better typing it all out...

[HellFrost666]

Have I put everyone at a loss for words?

 

You guys are probably all getting sick of me by now anyway...

 

Thanks to everyone who did reply though.

[Shadows Light]

 

 

You'll be ok. I know it hard and you want to protect her from an Butt head

ex-husband. Yes...he's capable of anything. You are right. But your hands are tied. Getting into the rink without her permission is just going to add fuel to the fire. And then what do you have??? she'll be mad at you...and you end up in the cold. Not a good time.

 

Timing. Were that it was after her divorce that you'd fallen in love and the fairytale could have comenced from there without all the DRAMA.

Sometimes... love happens at its own good time. Can't pick it..can't choose it... it just sneaks up on you and ambushes you. What can you do???? Get over the guilt. Don't cry over spilt milk. What is done is done.

 

Hollywood actually has nothing on us... truth is stranger than fiction. LOL.

 

So... tell me. How are you going to cheer her up and give her smiles and grins throughout her ordeal??? Instead of thinking of all the negatives... turn it around and think positive.

 

So... you have to be a bit subversive and keep it on the down low. Doesn't mean you can appreciate her and love her from a little bit of a distance. lol. hmmmmm... need some romance ideas... LOL. You've come to the right place... Start thinking good thoughts...positive thoughts... Your head will be in a better place. As will hers.

 

Drinking... not a problem. We all have to tip one sometime... I'll be darned if I haven't had a good drunk yet going through my own divorce process... lol. Am waiting.

 

Good thoughts remember. Happy thoughts. Bring her up... when she's down. And just love her thats the best medicine.

[HellFrost666]

"Timing. Were that it was after her divorce that you'd fallen in love and the fairytale could have comenced from there without all the DRAMA.

Sometimes... love happens at its own good time. Can't pick it..can't choose it... it just sneaks up on you and ambushes you. What can you do???? "

 

 

You are right, and God have I been ambushed. I know neither of us planned on this to happen... Love knows no time.

 

"So... tell me. How are you going to cheer her up and give her smiles and grins throughout her ordeal??? Instead of thinking of all the negatives... turn it around and think positive.

 

So... you have to be a bit subversive and keep it on the down low. Doesn't mean you can appreciate her and love her from a little bit of a distance. lol. hmmmmm... need some romance ideas... LOL. You've come to the right place... Start thinking good thoughts...positive thoughts... Your head will be in a better place. As will hers. "

 

Please give me ideas. I feel like a real idiot saying this, but I don't really know how I can love her and apreciate from a distance. I haven't dated anyone in so long I kinda forgot a lot of things.

 

I called my sister back home and talked to her about all this last night. She had some good words of wisdom, (she always does). Talking to her put me at ease.

[Shadows Light]

Well.. thats better now.. something we can work at. Don't you just love when if your stuck.. you figure out a way around it.. or over it... or anywhich way to get there...

 

hmmmm I've heard this before... but I digress.

 

OK...here we go... her X is busy tearing down the foundation. And lets help you BUILD it back up.

 

How to romance... its all the little things. You haven't forgotten.. just think of things you like for you. CHOCOLATE... CHOCOLATE.. if you can't remember anything... keep a woman supplied with good chocolate...especially through a crisis.. or that time of the mth. And she'll be your best buddy for life. LOL. There's a movie out there called CHOCOLAT... very very good flick... they hint at the benefits and history of chocolate. By the way.. its also a good romantic movie to watch with someone. Hint Hint. Compliments... u can't over-do it with compliments.

Write her poetry... yeah, might sound sappy but it works.. if you can't write poetry, go to your nearest library and start reading.. find something that fits and send it to her... laughs, jokes, grins.... music.... dream a little.. share a little... go into the LOVE forum and read down the list.. I'm sure there's a bunch of threads on hints on what you can do. Google it.. ROMANTIC IDEA's... lots of stuff out there. Be honest.. be open.. communicate... what have you got to lose. Tell her how she makes you feel.... whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Enjoy the moments with her...and let her know that you do... or show her. Hold her hand when she just needs a hand to be held. Give her a shoulder when she needs a shoulder... and WOW will she need one. She'll be crying on a dime... one minute you can make her laugh...the next she'll be weepy. Don't take it personally... its a death of a relationship..and it hurts. Be supportive..be there. Help her when she needs it..and back-off when she needs space.

 

Did this help???? hope so. And sisters are certainly better at this sort of thing... especially since she knows you so well. Be well...and don't let life knock you down... just keep getting back up again. Refuse to quit. lol.

[HellFrost666]

"There's a movie out there called CHOCOLAT... very very good flick... they hint at the benefits and history of chocolate. By the way.. its also a good romantic movie to watch with someone. Hint Hint."

 

It's funny, I just have to say... One of her best qualities (in my opinion), is that she hates chick-flicks, lol.

 

We are both big Tim Burton fans, maybe I'll take her to see Charlie and the Chocolate factory...

[Shadows Light]

LOL... Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was good... lol..

 

And hey.. give me a break.. I was only making a suggestion...

 

By the way... Cradle of Filth's Nymphetimine... you're right.. it does have endearing qualities. Liked it.

 

Have fun with it.... you are on the right track.

[HellFrost666]

I wasn't criticising your suggestions, you had some good ones.

 

I just had to throw in the Chick Flick thing. She would probably have more fun watching Dawn of the Dead with me or something, .

 

Nymphetimine, great song, it reminds me of her...