bubbleznsc20 Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Ok i am almost 2month pregnant... i have been with this guy for about 2yrs off and on...and i have been having these dreams that i go in labor and he is no where to be found...and im stuck going through it alone and be a single parent? Anyone have any ideas on this...i do have a fear that after the baby is born he will loose interest in me or he will meet someone and not have anything to do with the baby. I dunno why i have been having these dreams...but they make me worry worse than i already do. Link to comment
jna35 Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 I think you answered your own question. I believe you are having doubts about your relationship and are worried that he's going to leave you a single mom. Have you shared your concerns with your bf? I would suggest a heart to heart. Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Share Posted July 24, 2005 yea but he is the type that doesnt really share his feelings like he keeps everything to himself..i can cry my heart out to him and he doesnt say hardly anything.... but i did try talking to him he told me he would never leave to do it alone. Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 You're having bad dreams because you're feeling insecure! You need to have a 'back up' plan. Ask a family member or a friend if they would be there for you if you need someone to hold your hand, etc., during the birth. Think about the baby and relax. 1. It picks up on your anxiety. 2. You don't want to end up having a miscarriage. All first time mother's feel insecure. It's because they don't know what's going to happen. Take care. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Dreams such as that (I call them anxiety dreams) are pretty normal anytime we are suffering anxiety or going through new situations in our lives. I imagine you are not the first pregnant women to have such dreams! And more common for you due to past experiences of you & him being on and off. Is it possible he would leave? Well it's always *possible* especially if he has in the past - there are no guarantees. But if he loves you and you have a good relationship you might just be dreaming out of fears. Why don't you communicate to him your fears? Honestly if he DID leave...you would be better off without him in that situation. And you CAN make it as a single parent..tougher, but better than a icky relationship for that baby to be involved in. And try not to stress, all that cortisol is not too great for the baby I am sure! Link to comment
jna35 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Many guys don't like to talk about their feelings. You are worrying about something that may potentially happen. The unknown can be a scary thing sometimes. I agree with Tigris, just focus on your baby. They do pick up on your feelings and it can effect them in a negative way. Be happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Your little one will be here shortly. In the meantime, start formulating a plan for your life. Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 Im trying to stay postive and keep thinking good..but sometimes it gets hard..i mean i find things that make me think he is cheating and i dont wanna think that...i just want things to go smooth. I have had one miscarriage and i dont want to have another. Link to comment
jna35 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 It sounds like your relationship isn't too stable and I'm sure that must be stressful for you. Have you ever considered letting him go or is this a relationship that you honestly want to be in? Also, I'm sorry about your previous miscarriage. I've been there and know how heartbreaking it is. Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 im only 19 and scared of being a single parent. It worries me the most of not being with me..there are nights that i pray that i dont have to be with him anymore..i love him with all my heart but he does me wrong sometimes. There is nothing more in this world that i want than our baby growing up to have a mother and a father. My dad left us when i was young and i dont want that to happen to this child. So its kinda dang if i do, dang if i dont. Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Don't stay with him if it's only for the baby's sake. That's not fair to you and an unhealthy place for the baby to be. Will your mother be there for you? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 You can be apart and he can still be a parent to this baby, you don't have to be a couple if he treats you poorly. Sometimes people make better parents for the child apart rather than together.... What sort of things do you find that make you think he is cheating? What does he do that feels like he is "doing you wrong"? Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 Well i know that he can be a parent being separated from me.. i just dont want things to be like that..he is not phsically abusive, but i think emotonial and mental he is ...he yells at me alot and makes me feel stupid at times when i say stupid things...like the other day he wanted me to get him a tool and i bought the wrong thing and he just got mad and started fussing..its like he doesnt wanna spend time with me anymore and i give him everything he wants..i do what he ask of me, and dont complain...the other day i was text mssaging my friend and saw one he had sent to his supervisor,saying that he misses her and he cant get his mind off her and i dunno i just dont think there relationship is strictly business. he says he doesnt like her like that but i dunno. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 saying that he misses her and he cant get his mind off her and i dunno i just dont think there relationship is strictly business Um......I think you are trying to not see what would be clear as day to most people...NO THAT IS NOT "BUSINESS"! I don't email my boss and say I can't get my mind off of you... Don't ignore what are some VERY obvious signs something is not right. And don't stay with a guy "just for the child". Yes children need to grow up in a healthy environment, but one where there is no respect, love, and honour is NOT healthy. Two parents does not necessarily equal "healthy". Children learn from their parents...if your child sees your partner being cruel to you and cheating, what do you think they will consider acceptable when they grow up? Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship like this? Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 He's definitely up to something! Secondly, why couldn't he get his own tool? You're the one that's pregnant, not him. He sounds like he wants you at his 'beck and call!' Think of your baby and yourself. The both of you need a calm atmosphere. He just seems to antagonise you and that will only make you stressed. How many months are you? Are you out of the danger zone? Take care. Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 Will be 2months in august. I wasnt trying to be "in his business"when my friend had send me a text back i was reading it and saw those 2 and they were not sent to me bc we share the phone...so its not like i have my own phone for him to send me something like that..he was underneath the car and couldnt reach them so he wanted me to get it and i just got the wrong one. I just try to stay out of his way when he is in those moods where everything just makes him tick. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Someone who loved and respected you would never yell at you or make you feel "stupid" that way. You are defending him by saying he calls you that when you are "acting stupid". There is no excuse! And YES, it sounds like something fishy is going on between him and this boss, or at the very least he would like there to be someone going on. Ray Kay brings up an excellent point: two parents bring together is not always the best situation for the baby. If this man disrespects you like you say and is mean to you and harsh with you it is not a healthy situation to be raising a child in, and by no means should that baby be the reason you stay with a man who treats you poorly. I'd be very concerned with his behaviour with this boss as well if I were you. Can you get support from your family? Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 I can from my mom. i mean if i left him he would support the baby. but as far as anyone else in my family no..they do not agree with our relationship bc it is interracial.....i cant not afford to support a baby alone..im a waitress and dont make enough on my own..thats why i stay with him i cant do it alone..i dont feel as i should..i didnt get this way on my own. Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 We don't mean support on your own financially, he should help with that. What we're saying is physically with your mother to help you. He can still see the baby. Take care Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 He told me tonight that he needs a break i told him fine.. he said about a week and itold him that if he doesnt call me then i guess his baby isnt that important to him..i think he was trying to imply that i have been sleeping around..which i havent...I think its best to leave it this way i just dont know how to get over him..its gonna be hard.. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Wasn't this the guy who you were saying was a good guy on your interracial thread last week? What happened? I'm sorry he's leaving. It sounds like the two of you need some space from each other anyway. I know your dad is not supportive of the relationship, but if you were separated from your bf would he let you come home? It's important that you look out for yourself and your baby right now. If this guy isn't going to be around to help you than you need to try and find other sources of assistance, like WIC, public aid, and/or your family. Start saving those tips! Where do you live, do you live with your bf now? Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 We live in SC...I dunno about my dad bc we have broken up be4 and just gotten back together but i am done now...he called me last night after he left..he went to his boss's house"the one with the messages"he put her on the phone and she just fussed at me like iwas a child calling me a Stupid butt(cleanin it up a lil)Saying its my fault im pregnant and its like they were trying to say i did it alone now take care of it alone.he always seems to do this when things start going rougn he gets out as quick as he can. He says its not foreverj ust for a lil while..itsl ike i asked him if he leaves now who is to say when the baby is 3yrs old he isnt just gonna say ok i need another break...Im just tired of crying...i love him so much and it hurts so bad i dont understand how he can tell me he is struggling to have gas and i have given him gas money to get back and forth to work this week but yet he is over at her house last night till god knows when. And it really does hurt. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Ugh. What a jerk. I would NOT take this guy back, esp. if he's done this before! So, there is something going on between him and his boss. He ought to be ashamed of himself, it takes two to get someone pregnant, if he was so worried about that he should have worn a condom. Do you think if you appeal to your mother about this and let her know that it's over for good, she might be able to convince your father to allow you back into the house? It's his grandbaby, and you are on your own now. I hope for your sake that they will help you. You mentioned a brother that was supportive. Is he someone you can stay with? Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 He lives at home. I can usually stay away until he calls me or comes over ... then thats when i break down and take him back...it hurts so bad bc i know he can be a good man and a good father its just when he gets interested in someone else then he doesnt think about anything else..i mean he gest everything he wants at home. he has a house,someone that loves him,we arent the richest ppl but we make a living. And im going to be having his child it seems as if he really cared he would try and i agree with u about the condom but his excuse was always if i get u pregnant ill be there.i was on birth control but i had to stop taking them bc of medical reasons..I hope i can find the strength to just leave him alone.... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I'm not going to give you a lecture on how birth control works because you know if you went off the pill and he wasn't using condoms this could happen. A good man and a good father would be there to support his gf and their baby, and not just when he wasn't interested in someone else. I am guessing he has done this to you before? The problem is that by you taking him back, you let him know that it is acceptable for him to treat you this way, to come and go as he pleases, and you will always be there to take him back. Now is the time to say no more. Do you think your mother will be able to help you get through to your father? Link to comment
bubbleznsc20 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 i doubt it..thats why i wanted to try and make things work until i was able to make it on my own. And i agree that it is time for to say no more..i just have this problem with telling him No and stickin to it....i guess im scared of him....i have never really stood up to him. He seems to always make the pain go away but just for a lil while and im tired of it going away for a lil while. I have alot of things that i have to do...The car is in my name and so is the insurance and i dont want to be mean and take the tags and insurance off that car do u think that is best should i let him drive the car? Link to comment
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