'Too young to settle down'

[Dre_7]

Hey,

 

I was wondering if you guys think there is any such thing as being too young to get serious with one person? Personally, I think that it depends on how well you know who you are and what you want. Also if you're not the type to get into and out of relationships fast, then you might want something more stable.

 

I'm asking because it seems that whenever I talk to my friends about wanting (not necessarily needing) that one special person, they say I "have my whole life ahead of me,"while that is true..I'm sure we all know what it's like to want to have something special with another person. However, I don't intend to rush into anything with anyone, or force anything. I just feel that I'd be really happy if I were settled.

And..it's not like any part of my life is lacking either. Except, maybe I could get out more.

 

So is there such a thing as being too young to settle down? (Not married, but just exclusive, and hopefully long term)

[lillady898]

Well, in theory I don't think a 10 year old should be jumping onto the serious relationship bandwagon; however I do think that maturity has much more to do with being ready to settle down than age.

 

I know many people in even their early 30's who still are too immature to settle down with one person, but many in the early 20's who have been dating the same person for years.

 

What's a waste of life for one person, certainly may not be a waste of life for another. And I certainly don't believe a serious relationship is a waste of a young life if you're mature enough to handle it.

[Dre_7]

Well, I think that the reason I want to settle down is to love and to be loved. You don't get that from random flings and so on. I had a summer fling with this girl, totally initiated by her. We were in it for two different purposes, in the end, she broke up with me, probably because she thought I wasn't "experienced" enough. I mean she was a party girl and all. And I'm like the anti-matter of that lifestyle.

After her, what I really want became more solidified in my mind.

[HajiMaji]

word man. Im like you. Im 20 and i would enjoy 'settling down'. Its just my personality man. If you feel that way im sure its all good. Go! Get settled in somewhere!

[jasminebose]

I don't think settling down young is a bad thing at all. I got married at just 22 (not that I was always thinking I would settle down that young!) and my husband was 23. I agree with the poster that you get more out of a serious relp than you ever could with a series of flings. I salute you young men for your commitment!!

JZ

[volution]

The trouble is that society in general has dictums about what people should do according to their physical age.

From about 12/13 when I first started getting my first romantic feelings for women, I would dream about having one woman totally and utterly and exclusively. To marry her. For life. And I'm a flipping man!

I believe all of us, deep down, both men and women dream of having "ONE" person for the rest of our life.

But when our sexual hormones kick in, some of us tend to seek out the easiest satisfaction of the animal drive - and that sometimes means playing the field.

Also, and I believe this is the major factor, is the 'Teenage Disillusionment' - that most people get their first girl/boy-friend in their teenage years, and unfortunately usually, it doesn't last, mostly because they're not mature enough yet to handle a relationship.

The Disillusionment is the feeling that relationships 'can never last' that is deeply imprinted into the psyche. And so, people unconsciously live out their lives, expecting relationships to fail - the first heartbreak was unbearably painful - and hence they are afraid to give enough of themselves ever again to another person in future, and so any future relationships will inevitably fail...

 

But coming back to this 'too young' ageism nonsense...

Because many people in the western world view physical age as an indicator of maturity (totally incorrectly I might add), we usually have to 'put up with' people of a similar physical age, even though they might not have anything in common, just because virtually everyone goes about with this 'age' crap unconsciously planted in their heads and staying in groups of their own age.

 

Every day I ache inside, at work, when I get up, when I go to sleep... Because I don't have anyone to come home to... I have no fiancee, I have no wife, I have no girlfriend... Nothing... And it's killing me slowly and definitely not softly...

I scream out with all my heart and soul to have someone to 'settle down' with. Yet my cries go unheard, and I wonder how long it will be before they are ever answered...

It makes me really sick, when I see sometimes, the way people treat their partners with utter contempt. Their partners are often just 'accessories', just a 'sex object' to keep them warm at night.

When I was younger I often cried at night, when I thought of how evil wife-beating paedophile scum managed to get girlfriends, and yet here I was, with an honest heart, dying of loneliness...

There was a recent film on a similar line, "The Woodsman" - Kevin Bacon plays a man who was jailed for molesting young girls, but when he gets out, he starts a new and clean life, and gets a new girlfriend.

I know it's a film, but this and worse happens in real life.. Sometimes I ask myself if I would be called crazy if I wanted to kill myself because of injustice like this...

 

Anyway, while I'm still alive, my heart and soul hope, that one day, soon I pray (to save my sanity that my lady will come...

[Dre_7]

Great post volution, don't let it get you down too much, What keeps me going is knowing that good things come to those who wait. I mean think about it, if you've been waiting and holding out for something great, chances are that there are girls out there that you would like and want the same thing. And I hate the whole ageism thing too, where people seem to think that while you're young you should be gaining "experience," sexual experience is nothing more than a poor excuse to abuse your body. I mean, like going from partner to partner.

I don't worry too much about finding the girl of my dreams, not everyone has been through the relatiosnhip grinding mill. It all depends on how you were raised, and the friends you have..these things ultimately determine the path you seek in relationships.

[Shinobie]

I feel that when ur 2 are personally stable and ready i believe its great.There are many girls and guys around those age gaps that only want to party drink and be with many girls or guys.Id rather settle down then going out with girl afte girl.I idealize finding the one and having a loving relationship where one day i could of have kids with and pass on my thoughts and memories.That is the dream i have and i hope it comes true Dude it is up to you not your friends it is your choice if u would love to be settled which can be a great thing.Choose what u want and i hope u find happiness and maybe even a stable nice settled relationship if u truly want it.

[Dre_7]

I feel that when ur 2 are personally stable and ready i believe its great.There are many girls and guys around those age gaps that only want to party drink and be with many girls or guys.Id rather settle down then going out with girl afte girl.I idealize finding the one and having a loving relationship where one day i could of have kids with and pass on my thoughts and memories.That is the dream i have and i hope it comes true Dude it is up to you not your friends it is your choice if u would love to be settled which can be a great thing.Choose what u want and i hope u find happiness and maybe even a stable nice settled relationship if u truly want it.

 

Thanks Shinobie, I appreciate that. And I wish you the best as well. Having read some of your posts, I think what you need is a healthy dose of confidence,we all do. And maybe if you'd like, you could re-invent yourself. Every time, I change my appearance I feel like a new person. When I get a haircut, I feel like a new person, when I take up a new hobby, I feel like a new person..every little bit helps

[Shinobie]

Ya thanks man im glad to see another guy that thinks the same way about these things.

[ShySoul]

It isn't age, its maturity. Plenty of people are ready to settle down when they are young, others aren't ready for that kind of committment. Plenty of people are ready for something serious and don't want just a fling when they are 20, maybe even at 18. As far back as I recall my philosophy has been, do it once, do it right. If I'm going to be in a relationship, I want there to be a chance it works out for good. If thats what you want, go for it. And don't let anyone convince you otherwise.