We broke up and i'm more worried about her then me.

[Matt777]

I don't really know where to start or what answers I looking for. basically I think I need to expain what happened.

 

We knew each other for 2 years and dating for 1 and half of them. I really loved her and wanted to marry her. We looked at a ring on may 4th and we both were very happy I was a little nervious because it was a big step and I wanted to make sure we were not rushing, but she was always so sure of wanting to be married it made me comfortable.

 

This is where things turn. June 3rd we went back, because she has selected some rings she thought I would like. I did. And it was one of my happest days until leaving the store she said " I don't think I want to get married yet" I figured it was cold feet. we had talk the next day and she decided we needed a "break" and I agreed. ( the wost mistake I every made) we should have just called it off that would have been less painful.

 

I failed to express my feelings regarding the break because I was hurt. I didn't want one but agreed because I thought it would be good for her.

I did not imagine what would happen next.

 

THE OTHER MAN.

don't ever believe "oh he is just a friend" it is a lie.

by the weekend of the 10th she went to his family's house and she must have fell in love with him by the 17th. our break was going to be for the month of june.

on the 17th we had our break up talk and all this came to light. and I also discovered that they had slept together allready! I don't understand why she is acting this way I know a good relationship is based on friendship and I can't imagine she has that with him. I'm strugling with the part of me that wants to hate her, but I feel like I need to stand by my principiles of " I just want her to be happy"

is she addicted to love? she hasn't been single since she was a sophmore in High School I don't want her to have a bunch of failed romances she diserves more, at least I thought so.

 

any thoughts or opinions would be helpful.

Matt

[reflectionlessmirror]

You need to move on. Not communicating with her will make that easier on you. THis is a hard blow, but you deserve better anyways. Move on.

[Matt777]

You need to move on. Not communicating with her will make that easier on you. THis is a hard blow, but you deserve better anyways. Move on.

 

ahhh the good old "I can do better" yes I know I deserve to be treated better, but that doesn't change how I feel about her. She is still the same person I fell in love with and I made a commitment to her. Which sucks since she no longer cares about that commitment. I still feel obligated to keep it if nothing else to be true to myself. I don't think she has ever had anyone love her correctly. she had a bad childhood.

[misery12]

Well you're answering all your own questions.

You come here seeking advice, but chances are you will end up doing what you think is right for this situation in the end.

Things will fall as they may, in the end.. and you can't control that.

 

If you're meant to be together, she will come back soon or later, and it'll then be your choice, and not hers. If she doesn't come back, or initiate contact with you, in a few weeks to a month, she clearly moved on, and that should be your motivation to do so, as well.

 

Good luck with your decision.

[reflectionlessmirror]

But why do you want to be with somone who isnt comminted to the realtionship? You can lead ahorse to water but you cant make it drink!

[Matt777]

Well you're answering all your own questions.

You come here seeking advice, but chances are you will end up doing what you think is right for this situation in the end.

Things will fall as they may, in the end.. and you can't control that.

 

If you're meant to be together, she will come back soon or later, and it'll then be your choice, and not hers. If she doesn't come back, or initiate contact with you, in a few weeks to a month, she clearly moved on, and that should be your motivation to do so, as well.

 

Good luck with your decision.

 

I see, I know you are right but it is hard to feel that way. I have made the decision not to call her. I saw her recently ( one of those things we said we would do before the break up) but it was more painful then I thought. The thing I don't understand is when I told her I was going shoping later that day she told me to call her in a couple days and tell her what I bought. I don't know why she even wants me to call. Is it just her was of avoiding saying goodbye?

[Matt777]

But why do you want to be with somone who isnt comminted to the realtionship? You can lead ahorse to water but you cant make it drink!

 

yes, i know how I should feel but I just am not there yet. Mostly I think I was trying to protect her, and letting that go is the hardest.

[heloladies21]

Well dude, I don't know what you're doing trying to contain your anger. Your ex dumps you, isn't honest about the break up, immediately hooks up with some other dude (99% of the time something was going on behind your back even before the break), and you're worried about how she is feeling??? What the %&! Nobody deserves to have what happened to you happen to them. She's not the same girl you fell in love with, she was lying to you the whole time. You never got to know the real her until now. And don't make excuses for her actions like her past. No excuse for what she did. She's just keeping contact cause she wants to keep you as a back up plan in case she changes her mind, but she won't. Don't call her and don't let her call you. Cut all contact, tell her strong and don't be nice if you have to. Talk to other girls. With her it's a dead issue.

[Mr. B]

She cheated on you. Game over.

[reflectionlessmirror]

Well matt777, it sounds like what you really need to do is stop worrying so much for her. You are a very kind person to worry so much about her childhood and not being loved, but unforutatley, she is going to do waht she is goign to do. What about you? You really need to worry about yourself, try to help yourself get over this hurt that YOU have. I appluad you fro trying to help her. I tried for two years to heal an alcoholic an dwas not successful. It is very painful when you care for someone and you see them engaging in behavior that willproblaby hurt them. All you can do is be there for her if (when!) this other guy breaks her heart.

[alona125]

Matt77:

 

I am in the same situation, not to the point of marriage, but still, very deep feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way.

 

I care so much for my "ex" yet he doesn't show it in any of his actions. He tells me, but he doesn't SHOW me.

 

She is not showing you any love right now. She lied to you, cheated on you, and she slept with someone else all while you were still with her.

 

I have had all of that happen to me, and yet I still cared so deeply for the person who did it to me, it made me lose some self-esteem. Not worth it, trust me.

 

I am trying to get out of this mess still. Like another poster said, she is probably just using you as a backup, and you shouldn't contact her again. did she worry about your feelings?? no, so you need to move on too.

 

I know it is soo hard, I am living it first hand, but it will get better.

[Matt777]

Well I think I am the "back up guy now" She is so weird some times ( Sadly a trait I liked) we saw eachother on june 29th. It hurt and I decided I wouldn't call her for a long time if ever....

 

She called me on July 5 thats only 6 days. I was very surprized. I wasn't much she just saw something one TV that she thought I would like to hear so she called me to tell me about it. It was only a 5 min conversation, but I was very confused why she even bothered. I thought she moved on.

 

Matt777

[SadnConfused]

Man, you should check out my post. We are like doing the same thing at the same time. She called me on the 5th and said just seeing how you were doing I havent talked to you in awhile.. call me back when you can... this was only 3 days. Technically 1 since she texted me on the 4th to say happy 4 th of july. Check out "what am I supposed to do" and let me know what you think.... I think we just have to use no contact for awhile. We should not be disrespected, used, and have our hearts trampled on like that.