I Dont know what to do???

[Jai]

J and I dated for a year 6 months into our relationship we started to build a house together and 3 months before our house was finished he told me he couldn't make the next step with me.... he wasnt ready... so seeing as he had put the downpayment down on the house I walked away ....... 3 weeks after we separated he started seeing a young girl almost 10 years younger than him which bothered me alot ...... She moved into our house with him and its now been two months they've been living together and he has started calling me and messaging me and texting me a lot, wanting to get together and hang out ..... hes been telling me he wants to end things with this young girl but doesnt know how an keeps referring to us getting back together ....... Now I love him to death and I would take him back in a second on trial grounds ...... I trust him completely and always did ........ He was married before and lost everything to his ex wife which I think is why he pulled away........ I dont blame him at all for that, I might have done the same thing if I had been in his position ....... I just have a hard time with the fact that M has been living in our house with him when it was suppose to be me ......... Our relationship was perfect! Well as perfect as perfect can be now a days. We seldom fought, had tons of fun together were interested in all the same things enjoyed each others company tremendously, we never wanted to do things without each other but made sure we made time for ourselves and our friends away from each other. We both worked hard for the things we had and shared equally in all aspects of our lives together, but my problem is my family finds him to be disrespectful and well to put it nicely they dont like him ..... they dont get his personality or his humour and that affects me. They think hes being condesending and a *beep*, but you have to know J he doesnt mean any dosrespect its just his sense of humour hes that way with everyone, and I dont know what to do if we get back together. Which is what its looking like will happen seeing as hes goin to be breaking up with M within the next couple weeks and is apologising all the time to me and telling me he would never hurt me again he just needs me so much in his life and never realised how much til we broke up ...... I dont wanna lose my family over this and I want them to share the happiness I have when bein with J, but I see him and I being a problem for them I have no support and I am willing to stop seeing my family if they cant support my happiness.... I need help with this, Am I being stupid for wanting someone who made a bad decision, but realises his mistake and wants to work things out between us???? and How should I deal with my family and their lack of support???

I could use some advice but I wanted you to know the entire background before making a judgement

Jai

[annie24]

Hi Jai - Welcome to eNotalone. Reading your situation, I have 2 comments:

 

1) If he really wants to be with you again, and wants to break up with the new girl, then tell him that you won't date him again until he is officially free and single. Tell him "you're not that type of woman - to go after another woman's bf" (even if he is your ex!) Make it crystal clear to him that you won't tolerate anything less.

 

I've seen situations like these where the guy "wants" to break things off with the live-in gf, but somehow... they always find a reason not to... I've seen women wait around for months, even years, and somehow, the guy gets to keep both women!!!

 

And remember - he didn't have much of a problem breaking up with you, so why would breaking up with this girl be so hard... hmmm?

 

2) You're 25 - a grown adult. If your family doesn't like your choices, tough. It's your life, live it accordingly. That said, families sometimes don't like someone - with good reason! If you and this man do get back together, try to smooth things over so things are bareable during the holidays and whatnot.

 

Good luck!