New guy vs. ex-fiance.. Need your ADVICE!!

[BluJuice]

So here's the story.. my b/c and I have been dating for about a year and half now.. Before I was with him, I was engaged to be married to a guy who wanted thought I was his entire world.. needless to say, things didn't work out between us and I met Mr. new guy. When we first started dating, he said he wasn't a relationship type guy and he didn't want anything serious. After a few months of dating, he started getting more serious talking about having kids and getting married.

 

The guy I used to be with was a girl's guy and the guy I am with now is a guy's guy. Wel needless to say it definitely got some getting used to. My ex-fiance has been and still wants to get back together. I went though several months of feeling torn between the two. During that time, my new guy and I broke up on a weekly basis (just about). And now I realize that the problems that broke my ex and I apart will most likely not change. I've settled on making things work with my new guy.

 

Ironicaly, when I decide to set all he past aside and focus on us, I find he has a personal's ad online for an "intimate encounter". Basically, he just wants to find a girl to get laid with. I'm not sure if he's actually found someone, but I'm not sure how to approach this. On one hand, I did put him though some tough times breaking up with him on a routine basis. Now he says I'm not sure what it is I want and is more tentative about settling down with me. On the other hand, we are trying to work things out. I don't think it's right for him to be looking for someone else when he wants to move in together and acts like we are working things out and still going to get married.

 

Do I have justification for being upset? Should I bring it up to him? If so, how? I'd really appreciate any advice anyone can give.

[darkblue]

You do have justification for being upset, he was looking for someone else while you were in the background.

 

Talking is the only way to sort this out.

 

Find out what you want from the relationship.. Then what he wants.

[BluJuice]

we've already talked about it.. he says he wants to be with me once I figure out what it is that I want. He says I need to stop pushing him away.. but I don't think his actions are showing it. Why would he want me to move in with him if he is looking to get laid by other girls? That just doesn't make any sense to me.

[Hope75]

You have both made some mistakes with this relationship in the past, the important thing now is for both of you to decide what it is you want from the relationship now.

 

Yes, you dragged the new guy through the mud, and it he is hurt beyond repair for this relationship, he can and should leave. However, if he chooses to stay and tells you he wants to work it out, and you agree, I don't see this working if he is searching for an "encounter" online.

 

Have you confronted him about this yet?

 

If this has a chance of working, you are both going to have to learn to forgive the past, he will need to take that ad request offline, and you will really have to work on it, together. If not, maybe it's time to walk.

 

That does not mean you have to get back with the ex fiance, maybe you just need some time on your own.

[bellamcb]

Doesn't it bother you that he placed an ad for something so sleazy? I'm not criticizing you at all. I just feel like that would gross me out whether he was my boyfriend or not.

[BluJuice]

yes.. it not only grosses me out, but it infuriates me. I know I deserve better, it's just so much harder said than done ya know?

[bellamcb]

Not really.....To me it's along the lines of "Gee, I frequent prostitutes." I'm not a fan of the behavior and it would bother me to the point of no return.

 

You deserve so much better!!!