when should ask for 2nd date

[dancingmsg]

well, some of u might still remember, this girl asked me to see this batman movie last friday after she rejected me and then broke up with her bf. we had pretty good time together although i was not that good in talking with girls. basically i just asked some questions about family, work and she answered. but she did mention her ex-bf lots of times and told me she dumped him, which did not make me feel so great, as you can understand

 

anyway, i want to ask her out and get to know her more before i jump into any decision. so i sent her an email right that night after the date and told her that i enjoyed the good time and wanted to go out with her again, but i did not say when, instead asking her to let me know when she wants. she never replied since

 

so i think i should try to ask her again since last time she asked me. i guess that my question is how long should i wait, can i ask her to go out again this coming weekend?

[SouthernSon]

From what you've said it sounds like you were her "support cushion", in other words a fallback person to go out with. You mentioned how she kept talking about her ex-bfs? I HATE it when women do that when we're out on a date. I've told a couple of them before that if they don't change the subject to get off whining and griping about their ex's that I'm leaving. That shut one of them very quickly, the other couldn't believe I said that. Both were not worth my time.

 

You need to find someone who wants and enjoys being with YOU, not meandering over their ex's or some other BS. I despised being a shoulder to cry on for a couple years of my life and one day I did something about it.

[dancingmsg]

yes, my friend, that was also my concern. it can be very true that she is only looking for a temporary date. but as i said, i don't think that i would like to jump into any conclusion based on just one date. i am thinking of giving it a second try and find out more. or maybe she has made her mind that i was not her type. you never know. life can be ironic ;-)

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

wait a little bit, dont let ur feelings rush ur actions...

 

you dont wanna get hurt again... she know that you like her so if she likes you too she will try to tell u or do something...

[dancingmsg]

alright, i have to say that i don't have much patience and don't like to be in confusion too. so this morning, our boss sent email to her, me and another guy asking to do something. i took the chance initiated the talk with her by saying 'how life is going.....do you have any email or msn that i can reach you after work"?

 

she replied with something like "life is pretty good. i was being busy and did not have chance to get back to you since last firday" and told me that the people at her office are thinking going bowling this Friday night and asked me if i'd like to come. In fact, i mentioned to go bowling with her at the end of the first date and she said yes???? .... so i was totally confused, again!!! .... I believe that she initiated this bowling thing at her office and use it to reject me for a second date, although i had not had chance to ask yet.....but still i said yes, count me in... however, i felt that she is not interested ... so i decided to press a little bit and see how she reacts. I asked her if she has any plan for tonight and invited her to dinner....Just as i expected, she said they are going to have meeting tonight till 6:00 and she usually "go home and crash. Maybe some other night?"

 

she never gave me her email, msn or cell number, only home number. so i think, honestly, she is not interested at all and i will probably move on. it does not feel good to be in this kind of confusing situation, from the right beginning. Not so good, my friend, not so good....

 

Are u experts with me on my thoughts?

[koolaidnovel]

Since she invited you on a date first, it looks like she's comfortable with initiating the moves. So...I'd say she isn't interested. She would have contacted you sooner after the first date if she was interested. She would have also asked you to hang out with her (as in, just you two, not a whole group of people). Plus, she rejected your offer of a second date. If I were you, I would try to move on.

[dancingmsg]

yes, i felt the same thing. more importantly, i felt that she is very very skilled. she gets to decide what question to answer while ignoring others, such as when I tried to ask her for cell number, msn, personal email addr.... she only gave me home phone number just to make sure i don't get lost on my way to pick her up on that date ;-)

 

so i am sure now that she wasn't interested in the first place. but after b/up with her b/f she thought to give it a try....unfortunately i did not pull it off on the first date...i don't blame her....she might just be careful and cautious...so i have made my mind to forget this and move on because i never expect something to be so .... complicated....i wish her the best and good luck to ya

[dancingmsg]

alright, I can not help but asking your guys oppion.

first, i have to say that i am kind of a persistent person and don't like wonder about "what if" thing. so here it is the story .....

 

i took your guys suggestion and decided to move on...huh...until last Thursday...about 3 weeks after our first and only date and her rejection to my invitation of 2nd date .... i sent her an email asking her if she had gone out and had some fun lately....she replied and said "no, have not had any fun at all" and something like she was taking care of her house and cleaning stuff etc, "that's about it".... so as you can imagine (well i think) i said wanna go out do something fun on weekend ? she said "sure ...." so we decided to go out on last Friday and agreed that i'd go pick her up after work... well that was Thursday.... on Friday morning got email saying that she wasn't feeling well and wanted to cancel the date....i said ok and called her at that evening to make sure that she is not sick....it was a very short conversation....then on Saturday afternoon called her again and asked her to go out and...she said no....I did not ask why.....but perhaps to make me feel better or something she said maybe sometime on the weekday this week....i never asked her again and kept myself from doing so.

 

i don't think that i am interested in her any more after all this.... but i do want to ask you guys.... is this usual? .... was i thinking too much about this whole thing and mis-interpreted what she said about "not having any fun at all" thing? I had never had this kind of experience before. So i am really intrigued in knowing "what women want?"

 

I figured there can be only the following explanations:

1) she is not interested at all and playing with my nerves

2) she is not interested at all but did not want to tell me directly so what she is doing is to give me signs to back up (then why not tell me directly? I am sure that she knows that I am having a crash on her, or had one? that will solve everything. This kind of play is too much)

3) she is interested, but not ready to get to know me since she just got out of a relationship? kind of hesitated (if so, I should keep trying? I know a friend call a girl ten times in a night after they met on that night. now she is her gf. but I am not sure that i have that guts ;-)

4) she is interested, but want to be hard-to-get

5) she changes her mind or mood everyday? (hope not this one for her own health)

 

which one do you think is the most likely one.

 

Oh, please also tell me if girls are all like this. if so i will be dead.....