He won't leave me alone

[faeriechyld]

A few months ago I went down and met a guy I had been talking to on the net (yeah I know, it was stupid, but I was naiive). Well the first time I went down there, it was all ok, but the second time...even before I left my house to drive there(he lives like 3 hours from me) I felt a strong sense that I shouldn't go there, but I figured I was just nervous. When I got there, he bought alcohol(I'm only 19) but it's not like I had never had a drink before so I was like, what the heck. This guy is 26 by the way. So like, after I had been there a while he starts trying to seduce me or something. I kept saying no and trying to steer the conversation away from it, but eventually he forced things and, while he didn't rape me, it was still pretty bad. No penetration occurred, but it was still the worst experience of my life.

After that I went home and vowed I would never do anything that stupid again. I went home, blocked his sn, his email and everything. But he somehow managed to still email me and finally I told him that I just didn't want a relationship with him (he didn't realize what he had done was wrong and I didn't want the confrontation, I just wanted to forget it and move on) and that he should move on. Since then he's continued emailing me at my work email, while I have it so it goes into the deleted folder, I can't block it completely and if I accidentally delete something, it's in there. My morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I read it but I never reply.

Should I confront him and tell him to leave me alone or should I just continue to ignore him and hope he goes away?

[Foreigner]

Hey faeriechyld,

 

I think you should ignore him.

 

But... if he touched you, kissed you, undressed you, etc. against your will - it IS considered a rape as far as I know. So if you wasn't cooperating with him and he has sexually abused you - you can, and perhaps even should turn to the police.

 

Also don't forget that if it gets worse and he starts doing stupid things you can get a restraining order.

 

~Foreigner.

[dextro]

Just email him once with a new mail and a mail that you will ONLY use for one time like hotmail. Tell him why you don't want to see him again and tell him why you don't respond to his messages.

 

 

peace

 

Jeff l. Spiegel

[ruth]

I know exactly how you feel. I have been experiencing something similar of late; cyber stalking.

 

As my problem has been getting progressively worse, I decided to do some research on cyber stalking and find out exactly what options I have and what my rights are. I found a few sites that may be of interest to you.

Make sure you don't delete any emails he sends you, and send him an email telling him to leave you alone (and make sure you keep a copy of that email telling him to leave you alone). If he is still bothering you after all that, then follow through with the other advice listed on the links below.

 

Don't feel stupid - because you're not. There is nothing wrong with you because you didn't want to do what he wanted. It's your body, so you have the final say. Guys should know that no means no, and stop means stop.

Something like this could have happened in a social offline setting as well, so it really is no different just because you met this guy online. You don't even know people that you meet at the local café or through friends.

 

There are probably many more resources available, but these are just some sites which I found to have the best information regarding my problem. If you can't find what you're looking for on these sites, just go to any search engine and look up "online harassment" or "online stalking".

 

Hope I was able to help Good luck!

[revere]

If you already told him that you don't want him to contact you (make sure to make it clear, it's considered a cease and desist order, don't delete the correspondence in case you need it in court!) then don't reply to any more of his emails. Be as formal and blunt as possible if you don't feel that you've made it clear enough.

 

You should talk to someone at a counseling center. SAPAC is a great place to go and they have a hotline too.

 

It is bad news that this guy thinks he can control you by scaring you with stalking. Next time if you don't know someone very well, especially if you have only talked to them online, DO NOT GO TO THEIR HOUSE!! Only meet them in public until you've known him for at least a few weeks. You put yourself in a dangerous situation and you are lucky that he's only stalking you.

[faeriechyld]

Thank you for your reply. I know that I put myself in this situation and the outcome was partially my fault, but after his repeated attempts at emailing me I finally sent him another email and told him to cut it out. I also informed him if he didn't, I would be forced to look into a restraining order. He sent me one email in reply, said a few hurtful and untrue things, but I have not heard from him since. And I believe finally, he has taken the hint.