Hmm.. the desire for equality

[kboykb]

Alrighty. I've had this very special girlfriend ever since I was 16. When I got with her, I knew she was a special girl, but when I say special I mean it. Every guy obviously sees their gf as beautiful, but I have the type of girl that gets hit on every time she goes to the mall - turns heads where ever she goes, etc.. but she is also quite high maintenance. I have a terrible psychological problem of always trying to impress her since she's pretty high maintenance, and it makes me do a lot of stupid things.

 

The sad things is, we've been together for 3 years, and she's shown me time and time again that she loves me for me, and that's all that matters to her - but my self-esteem just won't let me get up to the task. She's younger than me and I went/go to USC for school. When I saw all the guys there, every time I passed one I'd look at him and in the back of my mind I would picture him taking my gf if she was there. When girls told me about the fraternity parties and the crazy things they do there - I'd imagine her doing those things (because she does have a wild spirit).

 

Sometimes right before I pick her up or meet her I get this terrible nasty feeling in my stomach. You could call it butterflies, but it's a very bad and terrible feeling. It resides after I've been with her for a bit and have become comfortable around her. I can't talk right at times, I speed up my speech, or just don't know what to say. But strangely at other times I feel like the dominant one, and can make her laugh easily. It's only when I think about it that i mess up.

 

She went to prom with her cousin and hung out with a lot of guys there. After I picked her up from the prom and saw how pretty she was, in my mind I imagined her saying "great, after such a fun night with other guys and now I have to get back in the car with him". She does talk many other guys (since like I said, guys tend to group around her) - but she definitely has proved that she loves me. How can I get over this?! This is the type of girl that I actually *want* to be with, I'm not forcing myself to be with her.

[Mr Meh]

High maintenance people tend to do this to a person, because it really boils down to: nothing you do will be good enough. No wonder you get these feelings if you are essentially always worrying that someone else will maintain her better. It sounds like she does love you, so what exactly about her is high maintenance? Materially or mentally??

[kboykb]

Mainly materially. She loves the super expensive clothes, and she loves to design things on her own. That and the fact that there is a lot of competition for her. If you only knew how many guys she's turned down while we've been together, which should actually make *me* feel better, but for some reason it's the other way around.

[lady00]

Sounds like this is more about how you feel about yourself rather than being about your girlfriend. You are worried about her even though she hasn't given you much to fear. To me this suggests that you need to work on realizing that YOU are a great catch too. Your gf is beautiful and lots of guys want her but she's with YOU so clearly there are a lot of great things that she sees in you that she doesn't see in those other guys. I think it's all mental...you have to believe that you are a great guy and that you deserve the best. You're not a placeholder for this girl...she's been with you for years. You just have to believe in yourself and like yourself and you will see that your fears about what your gf is doing when she's not with you will subside.

[kboykb]

That's a good way to look at things.. In the end it's just more of a self-confidence thing than anything. Feeling that I'm not up to par with her - but if I look at myself in the "ur a good catch urself" way (not in an arrogant manner) then that should fix things. I'll work on this.* Thanks guys

[SkyFire]

You shouldn't have to "prove worthy" by buying expensive material things.

 

How exactly has she proven that she loves you?

[1899]

She sounds like a young person that wants to get out and have fun with other people as well as you. You said shes high maintenace and gets hit on alot. You cannot change how she will feel about other guys. (and she cant change you) Dont worry about being able to do as much as other guys can do. You are yourself. Be comfortable with that. There are plenty good women out here. Id say just be there for her and do what you reasonably can do for her. Its up to her how she will feel about you as time goes on.