Ex of 6 years wants me to meet her family/ Letter to Ex

[quing]

Hi My Ex of 6 years who left me a goodlooking 32 year old to date a married 40 year old with kids, around 2.5 months ago invited me to a party she is having at her new place she is moving into.

Since we have split up I have enforced NC but she has contacted me by email from time to time to trying impress me with her new life so too speak. I have always met with a polite but non emotional responce.

We have met up one for lunch although I avoided answering her a couple of timesregarding the offer, Then she has called me a couple of times to tell me she is collecting her remainding items and asking if I would be their but this time I ignored her calls.

Well the latest is I emailed her to tell her she had some mail at my house for her to collect or I could forward it.

 

Well in her reply she was quite chatty and she asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink an old friend of mine and hers as he was over visiting.

She is foreign you see.

I explained in an email that it saddens me to say this but I cannot do that as it would be like covering old ground and re-opening an old wound.

(This is the first time I have been honest and exposed any kind of feelings, even when we split up I said at the time it was mutual but she had complicated the whole thing by finding someone first and I am not happy about it, then I said maybe he was doing us a favour)

 

Anyway I get a call after work and it was her asking if I will be at home to which I replied I will.

She came round and as I expected she was acting on top of the world, she had a phone call in my kitchen which I presumed was him and she was asking him to a Bar-B-Q that evening, it sucked hearing it but I did not question it. I have never run the guy down before or her with him but, I have felt so angry about how he came from no where and stole my life from me. I could not do anything about it as I have never seen him and she dropped me after just one drink with him.

She asked about my speed dating and I showed her my score card and I said the quality sucked a bit, and she said she wanted to do it.

 

Anyway this time she asked me not to do a drink with this guy I was friends with but to goto her sisters party she was arranging as they were all flying out, this I also said sorry I can't do and turned down.

 

In the early hours of the morning I woke up for some reason, and suddenly had a mad desire to come clean and expose my feelings about everything, with out I must say, saying I want her back, to be honest I don't think I do now.

 

Here is the letter I wrote, I carefully crafted it to lean heavily towards the friends part and what the real obstical was and even managed to take a swipe at him .

I thought it can't sound like jealousy because I am not asking her back, I was just pointing out a fact.

 

 

 

 

It's too late now but what do people think, do you think that it hits the right note.

[DN]

I think it's ok, but the real question is, having written it do you now feel that you can get over her and move on?

[heartbroken23]

I know how you feel.....I have been there...and I am still there if that makes any sense. F*&%@ her bro...seriously. One thing that stood out to me the most, that Pi$$ed me off the most was her talking on the phone and inviting him to a BBQ right in front of you (if that was him). Has she no respect for your feelings? She is all happy go luck around you after what she did to you...like she expects it not to have an effect on you. Go NC for a while. She deserves a mushroom head tattoo accross the forehead

[quing]

You know I kinda do, as I felt just meeting her with silence right from the beginning made everything seem more like a guessing game. I warned her I don't do friends, but she has always had this belief that I was bluffing, the truth was I would have been a good friend if we had split with put anyone waiting for us, basically we did not driffed apart naturally. My memories of a good 6 years have been topped of with a little geek winding in while she is vunerable. You see she went to a job interview and he rejected her but then emailed her and said he would like to meet her for a drink, she was down at the time because she was struggling for work in her chosen field.

She changed over night seriously it was scary to see, and she kept returning to try and hug and kiss me as she was starting to date this guy.

I have been so frustrated that it was out of my control and basically I could see he was seriously worming. Now I have written this I have aknowlledged this. And I am truly sad and depressed about her family and friends were torn from me. I want him gone so I can be her friend and for us to drift gradually apart properly.

I think it's ok, but the real question is, having written it do you now feel that you can get over her and move on?

[DN]

I understand but that is out of your control. You can only control what you do. I think you should try to put this girl and the relationship behind you and treat that letter as closing that chapter of your life. Time to turn the page and write some new chapters.

[quing]

I understand but that is out of your control. You can only control what you do. I think you should try to put this girl and the relationship behind you and treat that letter as closing that chapter of your life. Time to turn the page and write some new chapters.

 

I believe you are right, I mean I have tried my best in the most amicable way, I do have a feeling though because when we split I acted like I was not bothered she has since then tried to get a reaction out of me in some way by trying to make me jealous on many occasions.

It does hurt but I chose not to show it because she was the one wanting to leave me to date someone else.

 

I thought she would give me a break as she was with me only two years ago this June when my mother died in 6 months of being diagnosed with spine Cancer. It has been a rocky couple of years emotionally and she has decided to play try and hurt me.

 

I can't believe what happened to my LT GF, she was so cool once so honest, polite, helpful, and she just went mental on me.

[DN]

Some people change for the better, others change for the worse. Sounds like she changed for the worse. Best to get her out of your head and stop worrying about stuff you can neither change nor control.

[Dannysgirl]

Hi,

 

It sounds to me like she is trying to keep you in her life as some kind of 'insurance' because good ol dependable you will always take her right back if this guy doesn't work out won't you? I think her behaviour is incredibly insensitive especially calling her new boyfriend at your place right in front of you as is rubbing your nose in how incredible her life is every five minutes. If she's having such a great time why does she need you?

It appears that she wants to know that she still has control over you and wants to know that you pining away for her which is why she is not letting you get on with your life by calling/coming around all the time.

 

You don't need this, tell her to go find somone else to make her feel good about herself. She sounds like a right smug self centered cow to me and you are better off well rid. I would let the letter be the last contact you have with her.

[loveydovey]

Hello. Just wanted to say sorry about what happened. That both upset me and made me sad just hearing about how everything went down during your breakup. But I just want to tell you to look at it this way...her "relationship/marriage" started at the tail end (or perhaps the middle) of you two's relationship. It started in two people being dishonest, dishonorable, and thoughtless. So what kind of relationship/marriage do you think that will really make . Not a great one if you ask me. On the brighter side, when you find that special person, the love (REAL love) that you share with Ms. Right won't be tainted with such things. You'll have a fresh start and a greater chance for a happier future ! Good Luck to You!

[quing]

Thanks loveydovey for you kind words, this was a great one that replaced a bad one, but even this one turned on me in the end. I don't want to go through my life having to look over my shoulder, this one I trusted and was kind up to the last second. She was even laying flowers at my Mothers grave only a week before. It was like she had been involved in a car crash and had come out of a coma a different person in one week. It is frightening how someone can turn with out giving out any warnings or signals first. She was loving and all kisses and complements upto the last second, even when she started dating she was trying to carry on as usual as if nothing had happened. It was me who pushed her away at this point.

 

I hope this event does not effect me in future relationships.