so close to losing him...can I stop it???

[dustinthewind]

Hey everyone.

 

I am so sad right now, And just thought that I'd post to hopefully make myself feel better and get some support from all you guys out there.....reading what you say always makes me feel better.

 

I am just really scared right now. me and my bf have been tgoether for 9 months....and we have so much in common and similar intersts, and care deeply for each other. THe thing is...I get mad about EVERYTHING> its like im some monstor...i over react to the littlest things..him not calling when i thought he would, him going out with one of his girl FRIENDS, us changing plans, us not haning out as much as I would want to....EVERYTHING> and i hate it. I feel like I am constanyl being upset and crying, but i know that im just being difficult I want to be happy more then anything, and i want him to be happy.

 

we are both just getting frusterated. he feels like he can never please me, and I feel like I am always getting upset....its so stupid. we have no REAL problems, but this stupid bickering nonsense is killing us. We had a long talk yesterday and both said that there comes a point when all of our common-ness can;t carry us any further...and we have to accept the fact that this just ISN GOING TO WORK. WHen he said that...

 

it killed me. i dont want him and i to end. I can see us marrying each other, but I want to know how to stop this. It sounds so easy....just be happy...get along...it shouldn;t have to be work. a realtionship should be easy....

 

THats all I want. I know this can work. but i need to feel like we are not baning out heads against the wall....does anyone have any advice? been in a similar situation..where u know this is right, but just can;t get out of the rut. he says he wants this to work...and so do i...but I am so scared.......of losing him. I love him (thats another thing...together for 9 months...and i haven;t told him this yet,,,,neither him to me...is this wrong? im just scared to say it first...but i know i feel it)

 

i need to know ho to control my emotions...or are there any ways that i can bring the relationship back to being happy....something special I can do for him? really...im looking for anything....that might help salvage what we have... please help

[Softmoonlight]

It starts with a "C" and ends in "ounseling"

You have emotional problems, and it's not your bf's responsibility to baby sit you until you have them under control.

 

Take responsibility for your problems and then work on your relationship.

Counseling will do wonders if you'll let it!

 

Good luck!

[Mr Meh]

I agree with that. You need to talk to somebody. You seem to understand that it is your issue, and that is a good first step. The fact that you do take responsibility, know about the problem and can't seem to do anything about it may indicate that it is a subconscious abandonment problem, or a hormonal\brain chemical thing. A lot of times people who act like this refuse to accept that it is a problem or blame the other person, but you didn't which is very admirable. Whether it works out with this guy or not, you need to get your insecurity\anger addressed for the sake of future relationships and your own happiness. Out of curiosity, are you usually pretty "normal" with other relationships..ie friends, family?

[mdandrea]

uhhuh, and that is a good poem softmoonlight

[dustinthewind]

hey guys...thanks for your replies. i understand that I have an issue....but I dont know if it really requires counselling. or maybe it does...my father abandoned my family when I was younger...so like some of you were saying..maybe i have some weird abandonment issues.

 

why is everything so complicated?????? sigh..... I just want to be happy with him. and for him to be happy with me...and I know I need to just relax and sit back and hopefully things will just fall into place. I know we have the potential to be great...and its up to me to put the effort into making the ball get rolling

[Mr Meh]

The thing with "weird abandonment issues" is often they are so subconscious that you don't realize they exist. All these extreme reactions are your brain screaming out "don't trust him, he'll just hurt you" but it comes out as anger towards your bf. I'm not a huge fan of counselling, but it can help you realize things, and being able to talk to someone outside the situation helps too.

[PlayBrat]

Hiya....

I read your post, and I used to do the same things you do...

I still do from time to time, but I catch myself doing it more now.

You said you get upset about a lot of things...for no particular reason.

Are you impatient? I am. I had expectations of people and when they didn't live up to them I would dismiss them. I am a VERY punctual person..

so tardiness REALLY annoys me...I too would get upset if my b/f's didn't call when I thought he should, or say the things I wanted him to.

This all comes down to control. You need to be in control of everything, and the simple fact that you cannot control everything, sends YOU out of control...does that make sense? This can stem from some early trauma that perhaps made you need to feel this way...

Do some soul searching and ask yourself WHY you feel such a strong urge to control everything...when you feel yourself over reacting to something...take 5 minutes to cool off and ask yourself if it's really worth getting upset over. Counting to 10 or 20 before you react to something is a way to control yourself...of course this takes a lot of practice. But it's a start. Good luck.

[taimeen]

this control thing is too much...wow am i really a control freak?

maybe it can go back to childhood, i never had controlof situations and they were just thrown upon me...maybe thats when i started to nedd to control everything...sometimes you do it so well and for so long u dont even realize thats what ur doing...

[taimeen]

im sorry i didnt even address ur question. the person who addressed counseling has a point but after only nine months, and to have to need counseling...i dont know...maybe it just isnt meant for u guys, but it would hurt to give it a shot if u guys r both willing, u may not work things out, but u may learn things about urselves that will help with relationships in the future

[ruthlp]

I was with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we had similar problems, I used to overreact a lot and in the end he broke up with me. I think now that I took him for granted a lot, I really really love him, and now that we're apart it means I just CANT be like that because its none of my business, and now I know that if we got back together that I could control it more. The sad thing is, I don't have a second chance. If you love him don't ruin it and don't take him for granted. You will regret it.