STARSHINE42 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 So I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now, and everything seems to be going ok I guess, exept I feel we had sex to soon. We first did it on our third date, after knowing him for two months, and dating him for 3 weeks. Do you guys think that is way to soon? Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 I think if you are feeling like it was too soon then it probably was. It's obviiously been on your mind...that is why you posted on this forum. It's not like he had sex with you and then you never saw him again. Are you feeling like now all he wants to do is have sex with you? How is communication between you two? Are you emotionally close? Do you do other things besides have sex together? Do you have other things in common? I think you should answer these questions and if your relationship is built on more than just sex then you probably had sex when the time was right for both of you. Link to comment
STARSHINE42 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 I think if you are feeling like it was too soon then it probably was. It's obviiously been on your mind...that is why you posted on this forum. It's not like he had sex with you and then you never saw him again. Are you feeling like now all he wants to do is have sex with you? How is communication between you two? Are you emotionally close? Do you do other things besides have sex together? Do you have other things in common? I think you should answer these questions and if your relationship is built on more than just sex then you probably had sex when the time was right for both of you. Hey Ballys Well I think you got it right. In a way I feel before we had sex we were closer in a different kind of way. We hung out more, and did more things together,and talked a lot. Now he will come over we will have sex and watch a movie and he will leave. I dunno I really like him so much But sometimes I feel thats all he wants. .and if I waited things would have been different. Link to comment
pchellak Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 The fact of the matter is, if he was really into you it shouldn't have mattered when you had sex with him. Link to comment
neewollah Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 So I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now, and everything seems to be going ok I guess, exept I feel we had sex to soon. We first did it on our third date, after knowing him for two months, and dating him for 3 weeks. Do you guys think that is way to soon? I had sex with my last GF after two months of knowing her, we had been officially a couple for 6 days. And I can tell you, no regrets. Sex was great for the next couple of years. The relationship went to hell, but for other reasons. At that time we were in love and so sure about what we were doing that we just enjoyed the moment. And what is done, is done, now stop worrying about it and keep working on getting your relationship to improve everyday! Link to comment
STARSHINE42 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Share Posted June 19, 2005 The fact of the matter is, if he was really into you it shouldn't have mattered when you had sex with him. Well you are a guy, and well.. you know there is a double standard and always will be. Maybe he thinks I'm a too easy since we had sex too soon? I dunno, that's the only thing I can think of as to why he changed the way he acts towards me. Link to comment
STARSHINE42 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Share Posted June 19, 2005 The fact of the matter is, if he was really into you it shouldn't have mattered when you had sex with him. Well you are a guy, and well.. you know there is a double standard and always will be. Maybe he thinks I'm a too easy since we had sex too soon? I dunno, that's the only thing I can think of as to why he changed the way he acts towards me. Maybe it's because my last two relationships I waited like 6 months of "going out" with them before we did. I feel like I ruined it by doing it so fast. Link to comment
loveydovey Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Well, I know what you mean. In my previous relationships, I waited a substantial amount of time before becoming intimate, but then in my last one, it seemed like I waited no time . But I would say only time will tell if the "early" sex will change anything on his part. And, honestly, there's no point in worrying yourself over it. What's done is done and either you two will keep being all happy go luck or you won't. But if you don't, and you strongly feel it was an issue with sex, then he wasn't worth your time, anywho . Just keep your eyes and ears (without overanalyzing) on him and you'll soon find out what he's about. Link to comment
catgirl82 Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 why do you think it was too soon? in my opinion, you just know when its right to have sex with the person for the first time. its when you feel comfortable and ready. dont worry about what other people will think- its whatever youre comfortable with. and just so you know, one of my friends got married to her one night stand Link to comment
pchellak Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Sex on the third date may be a bit early ... But, you said you knew him for 2 months and dated for 3 weeks. Putting it all together it doesn't seem like it was too early. Now having said that, you can certainly weed out some of the guys who only want sex, by waiting longer. Personally, waiting for 6 months to be intimate with a girl is tooo long for me. I would assume the girl has some intimacy issues or is a control freak. Link to comment
pchellak Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Well you are a guy, and well.. you know there is a double standard and always will be. Maybe he thinks I'm a too easy since we had sex too soon? I dunno, that's the only thing I can think of as to why he changed the way he acts towards me. Maybe he wasn't too much into you anyways ... You just need to accept that and move on. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 I don't think you can look at a relationship from the outside and tell someone if it was too soon or not - when to have sex is an individual choice, and the choice of a couple to make. What is right for one couple, might not be for another. My boyfriend and I slept together on our first date, as it felt absolutely right, with no regrets. We now live together and are extremely happy being together - so does that make it too soon? For some who see it, maybe yes, but for us it was absolutely right I would assume by your post though you wonder this now as you are not so sure about his commitment or feelings, or even of your own...if that is the case, it can also be that it did not matter WHEN you had sex, sometimes people are not going to work out in any case, so don't blame yourself for 'having sex too soon'. I don't think you can blame his feelings if they did shift on that, it is unlikely it relates to you having had sex on the third date. I think instead you should communicate with him about your concerns about what is really bothering you - which is his shift in the way he treats you...and how you feel about the lack of general friendship in your relationship. It just may be a matter of incompatibilities and not the same level of interest. Sometimes you can't force things to work....he may have different feelings towards you then you do him or just not be as interested, you need to communicate and look at it yourself, I really doubt this has anything to do with the sex "too soon". Link to comment
newts Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 I agree with Ray Kay, I too had sex with my partner on the first date, and whilst we are not together now, we had 1 and 1/2 together in which we lived together for over a year. The relationship broke down for other reasons, nothing to do with having too soon. It varies for each couple. Link to comment
Mun Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Have you tried telling him that you would like to go out sometime instead of just sit home and watch movies? Link to comment
socalguy123 Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Having sex within the first few days of a dating situation doesn't mean you ruined anything. But there's a couple things you should be very up front about, with yourself and with him: a) is this an exclusive thing? if you wanted a boyfriend out of him, sleeping with him doesn't guarantee this. it just means you've now got an available sex partner. not to be cold. if he/you wants to continue seeing other people, or you do, you both have to make this clear up front. b) your expectations for yourself: having sex with him can be a wonderful thing. but don't feel bound to him because you had sex with him. i mean, i'm sure you had a great connection with him before you slept with him. but it sounds like you were hoping for more than him just coming over, you guys watching a dvd, having sex, then eating dinner... if the relationship, for what it is, starts getting stale, you don't really NEED to stick it out with him. i'm not sure i'm explaining this the way i want to. what i mean is, perhaps you should think if you really really want something more serious out of this guy. you've gotten to know him quite a bit better--does he act like he's in love with you? do you want him to? are these the behaviors you want from a significant other, for long term? or does he just sorta fill a need, for now? both options aren't bad, it just depends on where you are, and how you see things... all i'm saying is, don't waste 1 year trying to figure out whether you two can work it out, when you've already got a good glimpse within the first 2-3 months... people don't change their basic natures easily, nor often, especially when we become adults. get in there, see if this is what you want, like, and need, and what you are willing to put up with. then make a decision. the sooner the better, that way you can protect your heart, and prevent getting too emotionally tied to this guy, just in case you decide he's not the right guy. someone who isn't earning your love, doesn't deserve your love. but consistent, monogamous sex partners aren't a bad thing either... get my meaning? anyway, enough of me sounding so lascivious... hope this helps... Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 It sounds like you should try talking to your bf about this. It sounds like you are thinking that you slept with him too soon and now you are thinking that maybe all he wants is sex since you said that you noticed a change in him. I think you should suggest going out somewhere else and see what he says. Maybe he just keeps doing the same things with you because he thinks you are okay with that and having a good time. If he's not open to doing other things then you should drop kick him! Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 If you would rather go out instead of watch a DVD and have sex then go ahead and suggest that to him. If he goes for it then you'll know he isn't just there for the sex. Simply because you have gotten into the routine you're in doesn't mean he's not into you. Have you expressed your concerns to you? If not, he probably isn't even aware that it bothers you. Generally if something in a relationship bothers you, you've got to speak up about it if you want to see a change. After that, you'll know pretty soon whether the changes you want to see will happen. Link to comment
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