Liar

[lonelygrl]

Ok, first off I admit I do get a little jealous, but who doesn't? Ok, In my husbands job he has to work with women. I realize that and that is fine with me. How ever in his office it has mostly been all males, until recently. They got a new female. Well come to find out she used to be friends with a girl I knew. And the girl I knew was extremely permiscuous, married, single it didn't matter. So this girl now has been calling my husband after business hours, so I got upset and said something about it. He said it was work. That was that. More recently my husband was transferred to a new office. So I figured, ok now she has no reason to call him. Wrong. The other night he got a call, pretty late. I could here her voice, and here her ask him "where were you this morning?" When he was off the phone, I asked who called? He said oh it was some new guy from another office. I knew he was lying, and it made me sick to my stomach. The next morning I got the number from his cell phone and called it, just to be sure. And I was right. I am not totally conviced he is cheating, but that little bit of jealousy I was feeling turned into full out suspicion because he bold face lied. Am I just being a hot headed women or do I have every right to be angry and hurt?[/color]

[Strictly4MyGrind]

I think you have everyright to be hurt and angry first of all he shouldnt be lying to you anyway especially about talking to another woman if he was. What you should do is make sure first that hes doing wrong like is hes doing something wrong tell him make him understand. tell him how you feel. He could be cheating or not but if you think he is get evidence. but if you want to confront him about the phone call and see how he reacts.

[annie24]

There's a good book, "Never be lied to again" by David Lieberman. I think you should check it out.

 

As for the phone calls... obviously, yes, he's hiding something. I don't know if it's gone to a full-blown affair, but this woman clearly has designs on your man.

 

Here is an excerpt from the book. The paragraph is how to approach a spouse you suspect may be cheating on you:

 

"You know, John, while I'm not thrilled about what was going on behind my back [ this phrase is said to gain credibility; starting off with an honest statement makes everything else more believable,] you should have said something. I could have saved you a lot of sneaking around. Maybe all three of us could get together. It might be fun. All this sneaking around is silly."

 

Wow, he's blown away. He has an incentive for telling the truth that's better than what he was doing on the sly. In other words, he thinks that by coming clean, he'll have more fun doing what he's been doing. If he's not cheating on you, he'll think you're nuts, but you will nonetheless have the truth.

 

Just an idea. Good luck!

[Mr Meh]

If every woman who suspected cheating decided that a threesome would be a good way to handle it, the world would be a better place, although adultery might become a serious problem !

 

If you want to confront him based on the evidence of a conversation you uh "overheard", then go ahead. You've admitted you are a jealous person, so automatically he is guilty until proven innocent. Depending on the extent of your jealousy, can you envision the situation if he had, instead of lying, told you that it was her on the phone? Would the resulting scene have been something he would rather avoid by a white lie?

What if you changed the situation around slightly (You're going to have to admit of course that you eavesdropped on his phone call and suspiciously checked his phone the next day)and asked him:

"That girl from work seems to call you a lot, does she have a crush on you?"

What if she likes him but he is too nice to tell her to leave him alone. What if he doesn't know how she feels exactly and is too embarrassed to make it a huge issue by asking her to leave him alone? What if he knows how she feels but doesn't want to tell you because he knows how jealous you are? These are all possibilities which don't mean he is cheating on you.

 

An example from my own life. I am currently going through a separation and there is another woman involved. I met her on the internet and we became close enough that I told her I couldn't talk to her like that until I worked through the issues in my realtionship. I told my gf about this 'other woman' and now she is being blamed for everything that has gone wrong. She was definitely a catalyst for me to get out of the depressing realtionship I was in, but not the sole reason by a long shot.

Anyway, now my (soon to be ex)gf is haunting the meassage board I hang around on looking for any trace of me talking to this other girl. The other girl still comes on and leaves messages, some flirtatious, some not, DESPITE my request for her not to. She still comes up in chat rooms (I run a radio show with a live chat room) and says Hi, good show, and occasionally will throw in a private message "can you talk now for a bit?"

Luckily my gf hasn't seen any of these (even though we are breaking up, I did make a promise to not talk to this other girl, except for business reasons...which the other girl uses as excuses to contact me). My point is that this other woman is still vying for my affection despite my attempts to avoid it, and since we were never "together", I can't really "break up" with her. And since there is a huge scene whenever this other woman comes into the picture, I have to hide the contact.

[bellamcb]

This happened to me with a long-term boyfriend. He was so completely devoted and loving to me I thought okay, this woman is after him but he loves me and so it doesn't threaten me. Wrong. Eventually he slept with her. I found out when he stupidly left his work email open on my laptop. We broke up and he was devastated. Said it was just sex, meant nothing...blah blah. She pursued him and he after awhile, he caved.

 

Bottom line is that it is NOT okay for a woman to be calling a married man, much less meeting with him (which is what the conversation you overheard implied was the intention) unless the wife is fully aware of the relationship and is okay with it. AND, it is not okay for a man to lie to his wife. (Obviously this goes both ways). I'm married now and if this happened, I would definitely confront my husband if for no other reason than to rid myself of doubts and anger. If nothing has happened, or nothing ever was intended to happen, at least he would know that you knew about her which could be preventative.