Romance 101?

[IntrepidFox]

OK, i'm a nerd (on the low)...i always try to find the practical mechanics behind most things that interest me...and i was intially brought here to console myself of a recent break up in knowledge...since i have been here, i have noticed that alot of psychology of relationships is a smoke and mirrors powerplay with instructions as ambigous as "the foot instructions to a drunken three person tandem running waltz on ice" (ahhh, that would make Dan Rather proud) anyway, especially in with the ex- factor ie...don't call her/him...get them wondering...listen to your head and not your heart, she/he is stringing you along for their own ego etc...other ways i believe you can usurp and or give power is through personal heartfelt expression-"i love you" is a monster gift to give of yourself (anyway).

my question is this, when dealing with an ex does the dumper consciously know that they can manipulate the dumpee or is this all a subconscious behavior to maintain "order" or "power"...or in general do they not care what their actions do either way?

case in point: me and my ex... i call her she'll not pick up or return call (she has the power), she call me later randomly and vice versa (now i have it), but then we do talk and the "why didn't you call me's come out" as well as the "i miss you's" and she actually told me that she knows she can't find someone like myself (last nite we had one of those post midnight phone sessions, that actually was pretty cool) and then started bantering on about how ex's can get back together "quicker than you'd think" - i didn't inspire this part of convo, she brought it up, nor am i putting any stock into it etc...i guess my q is, unless they are an overtly manipulative person, are they consciously aware of the effect they have over the dumped one? is this flux of power usual par for the break up course?

 

Oh and the phrase posted here not too long ago 1week/boy = 1day/girl makes so much sense because despite having not "talked" the way we used to for 6 weeks, listening to her last night you'd think we hadn't "talked" in a week.

[BellaDonna]

I'm a closet nerd so I think what you're talking about here is what me and my friends refer to as "The Game". Without blabbling I will briefly explain: The Game can occur at all phases of relationships, whether it's shortly after the first meeting (hmmm...I said I'd call back in 10 minutes....should I wait a half hour just to show I'm not standing by the phone) the actual formation of the relationship (Do I say "I love you" or is it too soon, what if I look vulnerable?) and then, if it reaches that point- the breakup (I love you but I'm not in love with you- let's be "friends...I miss you bla bla bla")

 

"The Game" is anything that messes with your mind and makes you act or feel stupid. You can give it and receive it. It's not love, it's pride and doubt and other human emotions tangeled together to create a mess.

 

Yes, in my opinion I think the manipulation/power is conscious and intentional.

 

Even the best relationships have The Game in them somewhere. I think the stronger the relationship, the more true love there is- the less Game there will be.

 

You have to make the decision if you're willing to keep playing with this particular one.

 

Good luck!