Can't stand silent treatmen

[scorchio]

hi all,

me and my g/f split 2months ago...........i have no N/C for about 1 1/2months now, she didnt reply, its so difficult, want her to get in touch....

 

we was together for 2yrs, i was really close to her daughter.

I would do anything for both of them romance for g/f, day trips out for the daughter, included the daughter in ABSOLUTELY everything, more than alot of guys would have, have done, or would do.

we split up because a few silly arguments, the daughter didnt like mummy arguing or upset so became funny about that.

we split up 2months ago, reason being, my g/f saying her daugher is not happy, so she has to put her 1st. The week before we split up was the weekend I was suppose to see my g/f (we only saw eachother every other weekend, because of space for her daughter and g/f - which I agreed to, of course - more than alot would do), and she went out clubbing, so I wasnt happy about that as missed her, we had a biggy argument, and she said thats the final straw. Apart from saying its over as explained, she has blanked me ever since.........(wish she is known for when gets in arguments or angry - childish i know but hey)

 

she said hurts her to do it, i should know how I much she still feels about me and cares for me. So its not even that she has fallen out of love with me.

She always said I was the only guy who has really taken a genuine interest and look after her and her daughter. she has been out with a few guys before me included the daughters dad, who all have treated her bad, she found it very hard to open up to me when we 1st started out together, she wasnt used to the love and romance, being treated nicely.

but I always feel thats what it should be lie, especially when they are worth it.

 

sorry if i gone on a bit, a brief explanantion covering events.

I love them both very much still, i can handle most things, but silent treatment OUCH.

 

in limbo now ...................................

[reflectionlessmirror]

You wont want to here this but you just need to wait it out. You said "NOT N/C" i think you meant you were N/C (not communicating) it is tough but I would wait for her to breakt he non-comm. if something is meant to be then it will happen.

[scorchio]

yeah. I meant i have been N/C

[reflectionlessmirror]

Then as hard as it is, continue it. iam in a state of NC with my ex but i am going to stand strong and nto break ti. I said hi to him at the race track two weeks ago and he acted cool and aloof and i am sorry i did it. I will NEVER break nc again. Your situtation is a little different, but if you were as good to her as you say, she may reconcile and call you. She may realise that most guys are jerks and you were a keeper!

[scorchio]

thanks for your kind and sensible words...

its good to see how the N/C thing is being dealt with by people here, it helps

 

i had my faults, of course.

but yes i did do my best to make them both happy.

even won over her mum, she loved me (because her daughter and grandaughter being looked after) - thats a 1st for me lol

[reflectionlessmirror]

I really do hope that she will reconsider things. IT sounds like there is sonething special will you two. Even if you dont here from her, NC will help youto move on. That is how i am dealing with NC, a way to deal with healing and moving on. if my ex does call me out of the blue, then i can decide what will go on between us at that time. I am not goign to waste time worrying about "IF's" and niehter should you!

[scorchio]

yes, thankyou.

cant denie, the N/C has made me feel that if she did contact me, and here's hoping, that I would ask her to consider my feelings more in the relationship, and not be a bit of a carpet like i think I was, but cant help it, just like making a g/f happy, hmmmm, forget me sometimes.

[lyr521]

being a single mom..if she split from u and said it was on her daughters behalf then give her some time...

she's probably a bit confused about the affection...

 

it took me one year for my ex bf to even MEET my daughter....then i took things extremeeelllyyyy slow.....

 

it still backfired cuz i just broke up with him...ultimatley he's no good for me or my daughter....u sound diff. than my ex.

 

respect her wishes though.... keep up the N/C. ultimatley its her choice...

 

good luck

[scorchio]

thankyou for the great advice, im going to keep the N/C, well try my best and be strong.

I will try and give her some space, love them both very much, just hope one day she will see that and that I would have taken care of them both.

"maybe my problem, always putting others 1st"

 

sorry you just broke up with yours lyr521.

[sonjam]

I just stumbled on your post, but I feel I need to say something.

 

There is a big big difference between N/C (NO CONTACT) after a breakup, and not communicating (silent treatment).

 

As I understand it, you guys broke up, and she decided on N/C. In essense this means she does not want to see you again, want to break contact with you, and carry on with her life.

 

You have to make sure that is the case, and also then move forward with yours. It sounds to me like you are in a bit of a denial stage, thinking this is temporary, and that you did not really break up?

[volution]

It's nice to hear that there are other guys out there that will treat a lady and her children with the love and devotion the need and deserve.

 

From a personal point, 'silence' has always affected me badly. I can't deal with it. It makes me extremely depressed and hurt.

I have often tried to make contact with women in the past, through dating services etc. I try my best to make a nice effort, and communicate with honesty and feeling, and I spend a great deal of time crafting a message, and love goes into that crafting.

But when I get nothing back - not a reply, not even a courtesy saying "I've found someone else", "You're not my type", etc. it makes me feel like utter sh¡te of the highest degree.

Every time it happens it erodes and degrades my confidence in finding a woman.

People have told me I shouldn't get so attached - but I believe extremely highly in relationships, that they are not games, that they are to be pursued with an honest heart and a forthright mind.

But I can't help it, I just can't help it, I'm a gentle, soft soul and try as I might I know of no 'shields' and 'barriers' that so many other people put up. And I cannot do the shallow and terse communication that so many people seem to employ in their courtship techniques these days.

I feel with all my heart, and believe me it has cost me dear...

 

Closing, might I add, that it is clear that you love this woman and her child very much, but her silence just goes to show, perhaps she doesn't really love you as much as you thought she did. It is clear from what you have quoted she has said, that she has insecurity and worry in her mind.

A mother will nearly always put her child before her man, that is just the way the maternal instinct works.

But after all the softness you have shown her, and the way she just 'went out clubbing' shows perhaps she isn't as mature or as ready as you.

But it's up to you what you do... Follow your heart...

[scorchio]

thanks for your kind words again all of you,

 

as far as the "me being in denial", I can understand what you saying, and thankyou, but I used the silent treatment phrase, because well, it was always her saying!

when we 1st got together she always used to say that her way of dealing with being angry or p***ed off with someone is silent treatment as she has with previous b/f's, thats the reason I worded it like that.

I accept from her point of view the reasons she broke off like I explained, but the pont im just trying to get accross is,

we argued shortly before the break up - which ultimately forced her into the decision "so she said".

And she said in her words when I said to her, "you dont look very upset as we have just broke up" - she said she hasnt had time to be upset yet because she is so angry with me, me unhappy her going clubbing the night she was suppose to see me - as i have put in 1st post)

 

so I know deep down she is angry with me (hence silence), but she made it clear how she felt, not once has said she has fallen out of love with me.

 

I am also the 1st to agree with the statement, a mum should put her daughter 1st - i so agree, but,

if i had not included the daughter, then sure i can understand that, but i so did, in everything, even down to valentines, i booked the meal/table for me, g/f, and her daughter. and although hotel for just me & g/f, (daughter stayed at her grans) i made sure we took the daughter out to a fun park with rides the next day so she didnt feel left out.

 

I hope that sort of thoughts stay deep inside her feelings, do you see my point..........

 

sorry if i have gone on a bit.

[scorchio]

OUCH!

 

This is difficult - N/C

[brando]

NC shoudlnt be if you start taking care of yourself. Begin living again, go out, flirt just try tp have fun again, evrything will fall into place, not saying she will ome back, but anything in this life is possible, and you can even meet someone new who makes you feel what your ex never coulld..

 

I too am recently apart from a woman with two kids. I can honestly say it was one of the most challenging things i ever took on in my life, maybe because i am a man, and do not have my own children, but i know those kids came before i did, in evry way, sort of unfair in a relationship... kids are loved one way a lover in an entirely different way, maybe she just couldnt distinguish, or i simply didint fully understand.

 

I do miss her daughters, i spent eight years of my life with them through hell and back.... and now they are close to being strangers. I never will get involved with a single mother again.

 

anyway best of luck.

[scorchio]

Thankyou Brando,

 

At least I know you was of a similar sittuation, think you summed it up.

 

Wow, wot a challenge someone else's kids, its a tall order. (who you love, and show this), in my case, used against me (or feels like it).

 

Thankyou, nice to know you been there too

[scorchio]

Thanks Brando, sensible and nice words, good to know you are of or was of similar sittuation.

 

dont have a problem with the single mum sittuation, love kids.

 

When my ex split up with me, she wrote me a letter a week after, no revellation, just covering the same ground as explained for splitting up (kid, sily argument etc)

BUT!!! one thing she put in letter REALLY hurt me big time, I personally thought it was a cheap shot statement...

she wrote in one bit, " If you had children yourself you would realise they have feelings too", that hurt especially after all I did and put myself out for, for the kiddy. I felt there was no reason for that remark, almost silly.

[brando]

I enjoy kids as well, but i always felt a loss because i wasnt always their for them, and now the pain i felt not being in their lives anymore..it is something i just dont think i would take on again.. i hope any single mothers didnt take this the wrong way...if not i apologize. I just know it isnt for me a second time around.

 

Also i wanted to add, my ex was great at the silent treatment thing.. i could be as well especially when the next thing out of my mouth would be an inmature zinger... but nothing is resolved without healthy and respectable communication...

 

 

so i can identify with your situation.

[scorchio]

hi all,

 

bit low tonight,

miss her and her daughter alot tonight,

feel like breaking N/C, I know I shouldnt.

 

just bit low, down tonight