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This Christmas is 5 years, and he my husband still hold grudge at his aunts.

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Long term married, been with my husband since 25, and we 39 now. We don't fight, if we do it always me started the fight and I fight with him over things like this.

Every year Christmas roll around, I can't stop thinking about this. And I feel bad, that it like it because of "me" that why he lost an aunt, which he does not think like that all, he said I need to understand that he does NOT want someone like her in his life.

tl;dr Thanksgivng coming around and so Christmas, I told him to let it go, it been 5 years, he said NEVER, and that he does not want her in his life. He also said it his aunts, let him deal with her. He still hold grudge against her and this is Christmas #5


My husband aunt doesn't like me, due to I can't bear him children (our son died of brain disease, got it from me, brain disease run in my side of the family and I'm the baby's mother), can't carry on the family name, has no college degree, housewife depending on my husband 100% financially, old (39, will be 40 consider high risk mom, hitting menopause), plain looking, leeching on her nephew money, etc.. you get the gist.

During holiday family gettogether his aunts told him to to to China, Russia or other poor countries, and find a younger girl who can birth him a child and carry on the family name, young and beautiful looking, long legs and all, virgin even.

She told him just use his USD income (he has a good paying job), his house, his U.S. citizenship, a poor girl in poor countries WILL married him for his USD and so they can come to U.S. under spousal Visa to get out of poverty and have a better future in U.S.

His aunts also show him photos of her friend's daughter try to matchmaker him.

------ He was furious, like MAD. Right at the dinner table in front of everyone, he slam his fist on the table and yelled "ENOUGH".

Told his aunt to apologize to me, and told her that she no longer his aunt. And point his finger at her and said to everyone that this would be the last time he sit in the same table that has this "woman". He refer to his aunt as "this woman". And do not call him to any family gettogether that has her presence.

And apologize to his mom as he has to leave, and he grabbed my hand and left and slam the door on his way out.

At the time when it happened, I was speechless, he was fierce and even overly protective of me.

Fast forward, this Christmas is year 5, and he still does exactly what he said that day, he has not speak a word to his aunts again, and has not get to any holiday family gettogether that has his aunts in it, and she in ALL the family gettogether, lol. Basically he only see his mom.

It been 5 years and he still hold grudge against her, frankly.

With me, I would let it go. As his aunts was just reminding him that he has OTHER options out there. Does his aunt hurt my feelings? Yes. But I wasn't mad, she he just speaking the truth. And these things are out there, I see it with my own eyes, my childhood friend's husband found a younger girl in China and divorce my best friend and sponsor that young China girl to U.S.

My husband said he will NEVER let it go, and I need to understand he does NOT want a woman like her in his life.

I dunno I feel bad, afterall they are blood related family (it his paternal aunt, his dad deceased already). I feel that it "me" that why he fight with his aunt like that. Had he didn't married me then all this wouldn't happened.

I guess I'm venting this out, as every year holiday roll around is I can't stop thinking about it. I feel that it because of me, I ruin the relationship between him and his aunts.

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Please try to let go. Your husband did the right thing cutting these people off. They're his family and he has every right to do so. You as well should delete and block these people forever. They seem like cruel racist idiots. Enjoy your holidays with your family and friends. Leave these narrow-minded people in the past. 

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You didn't ruin anything.  His aunt's mouth problem caused the estrangement.  Had she not said what she said,  then family gatherings would've been peaceful. 

I can relate.  Anytime a person is incensed AND there's no remorse nor sincere apology ever forthcoming,  naturally a person does not wish to be with the perpetrator.  It's a perfectly natural response.  Not that I ever exploded in anger but once anyone dispenses obnoxious disrespect to me,  my husband and / or sons,  I'm done.  I don't want to be with him or her permanently.  I prefer to feel protected and safe from harm.  I no longer make myself vulnerable to attack.  I'm risk adverse.  This is human nature. 

The problem is a lot of people test others sorely and call your bluff only for your reactions to backfire whether verbally or in a passive aggressive manner.  Either way sends a strong message which requires no translation:  Stay far away and / or part ways permanently.  It's called establishing boundaries. 

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