long post, but I really need help, Please help.

[QTpie87]

Well I don't know where to start. There are so many different things wrong with me and I don't know how to fix any of them. I have totally given up changing, cause I can't seem to change. I am so messed up I can't even think about it. I guess I'll do the easiest thing possible and just make a list of my problems.

 

1- I am and always will be depressed anti depressants only help for a little while then it just gets worse.

 

2- Im paroniod about EVERYTHING.

 

3-I am not an easy person to get along with and have trouble not fighting.

 

4-I have anger issues.

 

5- I lie about everything, the dumbest things and I don't know why and then when I think hey why did I lie about that, that was dumb, Im too ashamed to go back and fix it.

 

6-Im suicial.

 

7-Im carless, about everything, I can't seem to care about anything.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to change, and then when nothing happens, or if someone doesn't believe in me and tells me I can't do something, I let it control me and believe it, thus nothing happens. My mom wants me to be a certin person. Getting close won't even be good enough. And I can't change that much. She doesn't treat me like she does other people. She is contsintly disapointed in me and has to make herself even act like she loves me.

I've taken my anti depressants and they helped for a whilebut then they stopped like always. so I stop takign them, whats the point of takign something that wont help me at all? When I got out of the hospital for suicide I felt like a different person. everything was ok, and I could reason with myself. I kept my room clean, I didn't lie, and It was all cause I felt good, I felt normal. but now I feel like I did then, I want to start cutting again, I want to feel better, I want to kill myself.

 

I think maybe I should go back to a hospital, but im afraid of going. Im afraid because of what my family already thinks of me, I am afraid of being like my father. Im scared that im turning into him, just a huge depressed crazy mess. I felt almost like people were lookign down on me when I got out of the hospital, and I don't want that. but I need help.

 

What am I supost to do.

[DragonGirl724]

i think you are absolutly right in going back to the hospital. SUICIDE IS NEVER AN OPTION! and cutting is extremely pointless. you feel rage and taking it out on a living creature is wrong in so many ways. but i suggest going back to the hospital b/c depression sometimes can not be cured without certain treatments. anti-depressants are temporary fixes. depression is a chemical imbalance and needs to be dealt with. it is a very serious mental condition and people now-a-days throw around the word 'depression' and 'bi-polar' like its a new cool thing to say. when in reality its VERY SERIOUS! and leads to further health complications. please speak to a doctor. if the doctor youve been seeing hasnt been helping any, seek a new one. God hasn't overlooked you.

 

storm.ca/~ateather/footprnt.htm

 

please keep your head up. my best advice is to seek further professional care.

 

-DG724

[newts]

I reccommend going back to hospital. The only opinion of yourself you should be really worried about is your own. Go back to hospital because it helped you to change, if it means constantly going back to hospital to sort your life out well there is nothing wrong with that. You have a chemical imbalance and quite a few people share this chemical imbalance with you too, so don't feel alone and abnormal. You just need to do what works for you, who cares what other people think. You sound like somebody who wants to make yourself a better person, so start by doing what's right for you not what you think other people think is right for you.

[MetallicAguy]

If your paranoid about everything, you might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, look it up on WebMD. Bite your nails a lot too, or used too? That's a sign of it if you do it ALL THE TIME. I do it all the time, I haven't really gone to a doctor for it, I'm pretty sure I have OCD, I'm compulsive about germs and stuff haha, I wear gloves when I take out the trash and stuff.

 

Not an easy person to get along with? Well your depressed and you have anger issues your obviously mad about something inside and it's leaking out through that.

 

Lying about a lot of things? A common habit. Lying is like a drug, very addictive and sometimes hard to stop. Your covering up things, again having to do with the "I can't get a long with people" thing.

 

Careless about a lot of things? Perhaps your very laid back like I am, or if that's not it, it again has to do with the depression. It sounds like it's pretty severe.

 

 

If anyone else reading this has some websites post them on here, it'll help her out.

[DragonGirl724]

the web can be self destructing. people misdiagnose themselves all the time with crap they read on the web. dont rely on Google to diagnose your medical conditions. youll drive yourself mad!

 

QTpie,

 

you came to this websyte for advice, you clearly want help. so suicide shouldnt even be a thought in your head. help is out there. return to the hospital, they can run certain tests and treat you accordingly. do not self diagnose your condition. it can be a pletra of things and combination of things. you can also be psychologically as well as physically evaluated at the hospital. its called medical PRACTICE for a reason. they could have read your condition wrong and need to try a new form of treatment for you. please get the help you are seeking there. we're all behind you.

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

thanks guys.

 

yeah I think i'll end up going back to the hospital. I don't know why but the last time I came home I was like a totally different person when I got out. I guess I just had a lot of thinking time, and a lot of help along the way. I think I need more of that.

 

thanks you all for listening to me, it's a lot more then people do at my house.

[DragonGirl724]

goodluck QTpie,

 

id talk to the doctors about your home life as well. depression doesnt always come about out of nowhere on its own. more than likely it had a lot to do with the mood at your home. confide in the doctors. family counseling may need to take place as well. best of luck hun. take care of yourself and never give up. especially when you have people rootin for you here.

 

 

 

-DG724

[scottsyb]

Depression IS a very serious problem and I know how you feel when you say you are embarrased when people find out about you having treatment, but dont. Perhaps you should see a therapist who can work with you to find out why you have this inner anger and desire to hurt yourself. You obviously dont like yourself and I think you have to get to know who you are and that you have a lot to offer friends and family. Please dont think that suicide is the answer, because it is not. You dont realise who you will hurt when you try it. You are crying out for help and maybe you dont even know yourself what it is you want, so I think a professional is your answer. Take one step at a time and I am sure that you will come right. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you are a good, lovable and caring person and you will actually start to like yourself again, but please seek professional help, because it is not easy to do this on your own. People actually care about you. Look at all your responses you have had, so please let us all know what you have done to make your life turn around. You are very precious to everyone. We all care about you.

[Mobi0]

sory by speeling isnt too good but it will do

 

i have read you post and all the replys and they are right it might not be easy but you need to go back to hospital and see the doctor that delt with you the first time Like you said you dont want to turn in to your dad i can guess that ha isnt going to hospital and getting help but if you dont either you are being just like him and will one day be what you dont want to be it may take time to get the right anti-d pills for you but isnt it worth the wate it took me about 9 month to find the right ones for me but since you have already had some of them you will already be half way there i am sure you can find it in your self to go push that other half and help yourself even if it fells like you want to wake up dead and each breath you take just fells like you are dragging your life on and want to end it at the moment but trust me if you do get the right medication it will help alot i know you hear it all the time but its true you have so much in head of you if you ever want to speak i think my eamil is in my profile but here it is any way email removed (that goes for any one else reading this post you can speak to me any time you want just add me i hope you do fint it in you and get help all my best wishes Adam