She made her own plans and ghosted me, what's the deal?

[SamJaxon]

3 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

If you have zero intentions of dating her,  it's better to block,  delete and move on. 

Thanks, I used to think I would date her, since she asked for it first (suddenly after she rejected so many of my invitations before), but since she also ghosted me when the time came and she kept flaking, I had to set boundaries by flaking back on her. She didn't respect my time because I think she's not prioritizing me enough for the potential relationship. Will try to move on (again) but I guess wouldn't blocking / deleting her.

[SamJaxon]

2 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Move on

Sure thing, thanks!

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, SamJaxon said:

Thanks, I used to think I would date her, since she asked for it first (suddenly after she rejected so many of my invitations before), but since she also ghosted me when the time came and she kept flaking, I had to set boundaries by flaking back on her. She didn't respect my time because I think she's not prioritizing me enough for the potential relationship. Will try to move on (again) but I guess wouldn't blocking / deleting her.

Wow you are giving her so much unneccesary power over your time and life - that sort of focus starts to taint overall and you'll miss the positive moments.  I just had to give myself a talking to in a similar situation where my husband didn't tell me where he and my son were going at a huge tourist location in Europe a few weeks ago (we are from the US) - resulting in me looking for him for quite awhile then giving up and losing of course what I paid to get in. And having to figure out how to get back to our hotel.

But I made a firm decision to move on, label it as a miscommunication, treat it as such, not overthink it otherwise it gets the sort of power over me that would ruin our much anticipated holiday.  It's too easy to focus on the negatives especially when it comes to other people's choices and behaviors we cannot "understand" - it is about letting it go.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 hours ago, SamJaxon said:

She didn't respect my time because I think she's not prioritizing me enough for the potential relationship

I'd like to focus on the bolded as this is discussed a lot, on the internet and in real. 

One cannot and shouid not expect to be "prioritized" for a relationship or anything else prior to an actual first date occurring or even during the very early stages of dating.

You become a priority (assuming they have no kids in which case the kids will always be their priority), once an exclusive relationship is established and that takes time.

The number one reason why dating has become so difficult from I'm witnessing in today's dating environment, is people, both men and women, have too many unrealistic expectations and being disappointed, hurt or even angry the other person isn't meeting them.  Expecting to be made a priority among other unrealistic expectations.

I realize OP you've known her for awhile, you have a bit of a history even though you have not actually dated.  You claim you're in love with her.

As such, your expectations are sky high, and unrealistic, I would even go so far to say a bit entitled.  Again, you have not been on even one date with this woman.  

My advice is gather more options. Start talking to and meeting other women. Lower expectations!

I am not suggesting her canceling and rescheduling three times was OK (hate the word flake as that implies she stood you up or ghosted which she did not). 

But shyt happens, it should not become such a huge deal that your self-esteem is affected, or you feel depressed etc. 

You sound quite needy and passive-aggressive in how you respond to disappointed.  If a woman canceling /rescheduling before an actual date bothers you to such a large degree as it appears to here, simply wish her well and walk.  Don't bother with her anymore.  Try and let it roll off.

This cat/mouse, passive/ aggressive game you're playing isn't getting you anywhere.  No where positive anyway.

All the best mate and sorry things don't seem to be working out. 

 

 

[SamJaxon]

59 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I'd like to focus on the bolded as this is discussed a lot, on the internet and in real. 

One cannot and shouid not expect to be "prioritized" for a relationship or anything else prior to an actual first date occurring or even during the very early stages of dating.

You become a priority (assuming they have no kids in which case the kids will always be their priority), once an exclusive relationship is established and that takes time.

The number one reason why dating has become so difficult from I'm witnessing in today's dating environment, is people, both men and women, have too many unrealistic expectations and being disappointed, hurt or even angry the other person isn't meeting them.  Expecting to be made a priority among other unrealistic expectations.

I realize OP you've known her for awhile, you have a bit of a history even though you have not actually dated.  You claim you're in love with her.

As such, your expectations are sky high, and unrealistic, I would even go so far to say a bit entitled.  Again, you have not been on even one date with this woman.  

My advice is gather more options. Start talking to and meeting other women. Lower expectations!

I am not suggesting her canceling and rescheduling three times was OK (hate the word flake as that implies she stood you up or ghosted which she did not). 

But shyt happens, it should not become such a huge deal that your self-esteem is affected, or you feel depressed etc. 

You sound quite needy and passive-aggressive in how you respond to disappointed.  If a woman canceling /rescheduling before an actual date bothers you to such a large degree as it appears to here, simply wish her well and walk.  Don't bother with her anymore.  Try and let it roll off.

This cat/mouse, passive/ aggressive game you're playing isn't getting you anywhere.  No where positive anyway.

All the best mate and sorry things don't seem to be working out. 

 

 

Nope, she really ghosted me on the 2nd time she rescheduled the date. Maybe she won't reached out to me at all if I didn't text her the next few days, telling her that I was waiting for her reaching out to me.  

And yeah you're right, I had too much expectations on her but I didn't mean to play any kind of games, passive-aggresive thingy with her. I need to do that to maintain personal boundaries and self-respect.

[Cherylyn]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Wow you are giving her so much unneccesary power over your time and life - that sort of focus starts to taint overall and you'll miss the positive moments.  I just had to give myself a talking to in a similar situation where my husband didn't tell me where he and my son were going at a huge tourist location in Europe a few weeks ago (we are from the US) - resulting in me looking for him for quite awhile then giving up and losing of course what I paid to get in. And having to figure out how to get back to our hotel.

But I made a firm decision to move on, label it as a miscommunication, treat it as such, not overthink it otherwise it gets the sort of power over me that would ruin our much anticipated holiday.  It's too easy to focus on the negatives especially when it comes to other people's choices and behaviors we cannot "understand" - it is about letting it go.

I agree and hear you about "letting it go."  I do, too depending on the circumstances,  of course.  Then in other cases when there's an abuse of power in relationships (my case ~ not marriage),  there is no letting go.  I dig my heels,  stay the course,  remain firm,  steadfast and unwavering otherwise I'll flounder and drown.  No sense having the other person take control over me and take advantage of my naive goodwill and weakness.  Often times being nice 'n sweet does not work for me.   Been there,   done that and never again.    Time to get tough and stay tough.

[Cherylyn]

13 hours ago, SamJaxon said:

Thanks, I used to think I would date her, since she asked for it first (suddenly after she rejected so many of my invitations before), but since she also ghosted me when the time came and she kept flaking, I had to set boundaries by flaking back on her. She didn't respect my time because I think she's not prioritizing me enough for the potential relationship. Will try to move on (again) but I guess wouldn't blocking / deleting her.

Ok then, move on.  If people are unreliable,  no sense associating with them.  Not keeping one's word is a sign of disrespect.