Rebuilding intamacy and sex life question , postpartum?

[DarkeEdge]

 

Me and My spouse {F}25 , have been together for over 10 years , she was just pregnant with our third kid , and just gave birth a few weeks back . Before she got pregnant we were working on rebuilding our intimacy in the relationship , my spouse doesn’t really ever initiate and it’s mostly comes down to me but then over the years the rejection started more and more etc . So now trying to rebuild intamacy and a sex life , then she got pregnant as we were only having sexual experiences once a month or two . And then before she got pregnant it was like once a week which was great ! Now trying rebuild back to that point , we didn’t have much sex during the pregnancy as she felt uncofrmotsble about her body , totally understand . It’s been a few months now and I am dieing inside , she’s always walking around without clothes on and now post birth , I know she’s recovering 4-6 weeks after birth the doctor says , so I was wondering I I should have a small chat with her and ask that while she’s recovering if it would be possible to recieve oral or maybe even a HJ ? Is that reasonable ? I don’t want to sound like an ass asking for that lol but I just don’t want to go masturbate to porn and I can never get relief with imagination as my mind always races . But the main thing is my spouse doesn’t ever really initiate so I feel as if I  can’t just sit around waiting for nothing to happen if you know what I mean ? I’m a highly libido guy , so I’m hoping to take the right steps to rebuilding our intamacy and sex life post birth especially , since we were trying to rebuild beforehand . We cuddle every night now and I am trying very hard to not wonder my hands to intimate areas while we cuddle so that we just cuddle and build intamacy without expecting sexual things etc , which is hard because I am always horny lol and also masturbating especially using porn just always seems to make me worse and more horny . How would you guys approach this ? Thanks for the info

[Batya33]

No it's not reasonable IMO.  It's fine to cuddle and be sexual but please don't ask her to perform sexual acts so you can orgasm. Feel free to touch her if she enjoys it of course!  She just gave birth, she has 3 young kids it sounds like and you should be doing your utmost to be there right alongside her and helping her to get the rest she needs as well.  Now is not the time to try to perform sexual acts to get you to orgasm.  I understand you two have issues in that area but now is not the time and I'm surprised you're induging your needs and desires when she's probably out of her mind with exhaustion and healing.

[1a1a]

How much childcare are you doing? Can you do more? 
 

You’re in a bind for sure but if part of why your partner is not into sex is because her plate is too full with caring for your kids and her body is still sore recovering from delivering your kid, get out of your own head and imagine being in hers for a hot minute. 
 

Also your mileage may vary but I reckon if you quit the masturbating entirely your hunger will decrease. Put a pin in your libido for 6 months until you two are in the swing of being parents to three. 

[Coily]

Not unreasonable, but unreachable expectations at the moment.

I'm not going to treat you like you don't get it, you see your wife and what she's going through, you know a heck of a lot more than we anonymous commenters. You are also human and have needs, wants, and desires; you can't just cut that off.

You need to figure out a roadmap back to a comfortable compromise for both of you, think it through, write down some ideas. It maybe you need to change your levels of child rearing, or other support around the house, maybe you will need to find a way to reduce your libido, and maybe  you need to find a way to support her feeling better about herself. That will require a conversation with your wife, and one where you go in with the expected disappointment; but you don't have to suffer alone and be shamed for being you.

Also maybe she should put on some clothes around the house if she's unwilling to help otherwise.