How to handle a disappointing first video call?

[Sindy_0311]

Hello there! I have already posted a few times on this forum, and some of you may already know I do online dating. Usually i begin with some messaging, and then propose a FaceTime call to see whether attraction is there. Also a good way to check whether the pictures these guys post on their profiles are current or old ones. 

I had a FaceTime call yesterday with a guy. I assume he enjoyed me because he is now texting a lot and wants to see me next weekend. 

But I didn’t fell that attraction. There was something in his voice, the way he talks and his manner that turned me off. We have been texting for one/two weeks now and he seems very interested. How can i get out of this situation in a kind way and avoid making the other person feel bad? What would you do or say? Thanks In advance for your help! 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

How can i get out of this situation in a kind way and avoid making the other person feel bad? 

The sooner you let him know you're not a match, the better. There's no reason he'll "feel bad" because he hasn't even met you or invested anything.  Keep it simple and impersonal,  along the lines 'we're not a match'. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

How can i get out of this situation in a kind way and avoid making the other person feel bad? What would you do or say?

I think being honest and telling him that you dont feel strongly about him is OK. Say that you are sorry but that you dont feel that strongly about him so that he wouldnt expect a date and wish him luck to find somebody who will feel that way toward him. Dont drag him along when you just dont feel it.

[Sindy_0311]

Im just wondering if it’s not better to find an excuse. He speaks German, I speak French and German a little but we do can have conversations. He lives 45 minutes away. He’s Albanian native and I do find him attractive. I think I could go on a first date/meet  with him just because im curious about him but I’m afraid that it would then be more difficult if I don’t feel him… by experience I know that video calls are sometimes weird compared to meeting the person for real… what’s your experience with FaceTime calls before meeting? 

[Batya33]

He is a stranger. If you already made plans make a white lie excuse. If you didn't then simply tell him you met someone else. I would not waste his time if the issue was mannerisms, etc. - I was very turned off by effeminate tone of voice and mannerisms. Never did facetime in advance and did decide not to meet people based on phone convo with attributes/mannerisms like you described. 

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

. I think I could go on a first date/meet  with him just because im curious about him 

If you think he's worth meeting despite the distance and language barrier, to access in-person chemistry, then of course you could just meet for coffee. 

If FaceTime is just confusing you and making you even more indecisive, perhaps rethink this step, since it doesn't seem like a valuable tool.

Frankly, many people may be put off by doing this instead of just meeting. They may view you as a timewaster or someone trying to build rapport while hiding something.

There's nothing like a quick face-to-face coffee meet to assess in-person chemistry.

You're trying to determine too much using a 2 dementonial modality. You also may want to fine-tune your criteria to help with indecisiveness, so that you can narrow things down to what's doable. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

what’s your experience with FaceTime calls before meeting? 

I think its OK as far as "establishing identity" goes. Its always better to do a phone call then to just meet a total stranger, to establish to whom you are really talking to/message and then maybe meet. Especially if you are a woman. If you find his voice off putting then just dont meet him.

Also, if you are not a Muslim, I would advise against dating Albanian men. Dunno if the topic came out, but lots of them are very religious and would require you to change yours if you want to progress to marriage.