Contacting the women he's been seeing behind my back

[saucyminx]

I need a little adivice from you guys out there,

 

I 've just discovered that the man I have been seeing for two years is seeing 2 other women and has been for quite sometime. Needless to say, I am handleing it quite well.

 

Here's the question. I want to call them and tell them who I am and who he is. This will be a calm phone call, not an eliv spitefull one. Basically he has been putting my life in danger and possibly their's as well. Who knows who else he's been sleeping with.

 

I will most likely do this, but I'd like some input from others please. Thank you, R

[annie24]

Alrighty - you're going to get some mixed opinions, but I think you should tell them. My rationale is the same as yours: so you all can get tested for STDs! who knows if it's just 2? It could be way more!

 

Now, just prepare yourself for any backlash. They may not believe you, or they may choose not to believe you. Or, he may find out, get mad, and yell terrible things at you.

 

I wish you Good luck and Good riddance to this man!

[CarterJonas]

I can't see a problem with you contacting the other women - if they don't believe you then so be it.

[saucyminx]

Yes, my goal here is to get rid of him. And also to let these other women know that they are not the only one! Much like I have thought for so long.

Of course he's going to find out, of course they will ask him who I am and why I am calling them.

 

I'd also like to say that I am not a crazy person who believes in revenge. I am just purely heartbroken, and feel amazingly overwhelmed with the realization that I have been worked over for the past 2 yrs.

 

Thank you for all your replies, I dearly appreciate it.

[annie24]

Hey there - I'm glad you're getting rid of him.

 

So, I have a question for you... Don't take this the wrong way, I'm just curious for my own future reference... How did he hide this from you for 2 years? Did you have any indications he was cheating on you, but you chose to overlook them?

[Drizown]

This is a very complicated subject, I'll admit. Some will argue, "It's just sex, what does it matter?" Some will argue that you shouldn't throw away a meaningful relationship just because of one indiscretion. This all may be true. But this is what I know: Whatever problems you may have been having in your relationship, they didn't merit him having sex with someone else. Don't ask what you did wrong, don't share the blame. And in case he tells you it just "happened" please remember cheating doesnt just "happen." It's not an accident as in, "Oops, I just slipped and fell into a sexual relationship with someone else." It was planned and executed with full knowledge that it could end your relationship. Know this: If he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's not really "into" you as it were, but he's behaving like a man who doesn't even care about you all that much. I bet he's given you many excuses. If he's said he doesn't know why he did it. And in that case cheating is bad. Not knowing why you did it is even worse. If one red flag isn't bad enough for you, how about two? Don't date any man who doesn't know why he does things. I don't think you should call these women. What you should be doing is ending this relationship and finding someone who WANTS to be with you and no one else.

[Falucchi]

I remember hearing someone say "It wasn't the cheating so much as the lying"

 

The sex is one thing, but all the lies that have to be told to get to the point where the person is actually in bed is 10-fold. Unforgivable in my book.

 

I agree with Drizown. I can't imagine anything just "happening" - like he just happened to be walking down the street and a gust of wind just happened to blow a door open and just happened that the man fell into a bed, where a woman just happened to be naked lying spread-eagle, waiting and oops, his pants just happened to be down and his weeny just happened to land directly in that one spot and they just happened to have sex.

 

I'd call. Then I'd change my locks. Or maybe, change the locks first, then call.

[mjayne]

Hi there,

 

I have found myself in almost the same position as you. There various women he was with all new about me (we were also together for 2 years) But they don't about eachother!

 

I only recently found out the 1 (lucky me saw them together) and so I left him, but this weekend alot of people I know decided that it was truth time and found out about all the others. Apparently he hasn't been faithful to me along time. It shocked me and hurt so much and I've been wondering about whether i should let the cat out of the bag. I decided not to, why? because they all knew about me, so i've lost respect for them anyway, second I've been wondering to myself whether I'll actually feel better, but i really don't think I would and thirdly it would look childish and desperate and neither of those are my qualities. I was cheated on and I feel like a fool for not seeing it, but i'm walking away from this with dignity and my head held high. Your ex and mine will get whats coming to them in the end.

 

I'm angry because i feel like part of my life was stolen, I should have been given the chance to walk away from him the first time it happened. I wasn't because he is selfish and kept stringing me along so i could fill the other gaps in his life. I've never been so shocked in my life, I loved this guy so much and had so much faith in him - i never thought he would do that. Really didn't think that i could misjudge someone so badly.

 

But you live and learn and you have to move on. By calling them your keeping yourself in a really bad situation. Your stopping yourself from moving on. And if they didn't know about you - they'll find out in the end and they'll be hurt but they'll learn as well. Interested to know what you decide and how it turns out.

 

goodluck

[pchellak]

I was kindof amused at your post ... It seems like you want to exact revenge on the guy which seems like a very natural reaction. Let me tell you revenge is not the answer to your problem.

If he is a normal male (with a ego) and gets to know what you did, he may want to take revenge on you.

You get it ... the cycle will go on on and no one wins. Who knows you may even create a woman hater or a psychopath (extreme case). Breaking up with him seems like the best option. Beyond that is interfering with someone's life for your own selfish needs (revenge in your case).

[Hope75]

I agree with others, if for no other reason the other women have a right to know, and since you are all in the same boat, why not you to tell them?

 

Have you dumped this guy already? Is it your plan to tell the other women before you let him go so he doesn't have the chance to deny it until they know?

 

Have you confronted him about it?

 

Get yourself tested ASAP for every STD in the book. I hope that you test clean.

[newts]

These girls are not your problem! All you need to do is get rid of this slime out of your life and move on and never turn back. One day these women will find out, probably the same way you found out. Let sleeping dogs ly. Just think about you and you only as you will need all the strength you have to move past this.

[hurtAgain]

hi there,

Sorry to hear about your situation...I mean finding out about the other girls and wanting to call them.

 

Well, I've done it...I called the girl up and told her, in a very calm voice that I've been seeing him for the past 3 years. She was shocked, obviously, but she dropped the affair right away.

Now, looking back, I wish I hadn't done that....it's temporary relief, and after couple of hours, I was hurt again. Then what? Call her again?

It felt good after I hung up with her (she happened to be a nice person), and I said to myself ..."Good...Now she knows". This happened last summer, when my ex had the need to take different girls on the back of his sport bike to impress his friends, as if he was God gift's to women.

 

But, I have to admit, I wish I had just walked away, because in the other's eyes, you look like a jealous little girl. But at that time, who the hell cared about the others, right?

So, I know you'll make that call...but also be ready to deal with it afterwards.

 

I've done it...At least, you have the intention to walk away from him after. I didn't...and I should have. Don't sound jealous on the phone, or mean, or hurt. Cry afterwards. Just tell her that he's been seeing you and before she gets serious with this guy, she should know couple of things...BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT HIM BACK.

 

Please let us know how it went.

 

Take care...

 

I.

[saucyminx]

So, I decided against calling or emailing the other girls. It just doesn't make sense. Maybe they already know and they are okay with it. Or maybe they don't know and they will eventually discover what I already have.

I've decided to stop all contact with him and just walk away. Or as my best guy friend describes it "the carrot break-up", quick and string free as opposed to the "celery break-up". That cracks me up

Thanx to everyone for your comments and advice. I really do appreciate all of them. Cheers for carrots and best friends. ~R