How, do I deal with this ?

[Salome1980]

So I've been working at a retail company for 8 months now. And my hiring manager is a lady. Now, this company has multiple managers for different departments. Ever sense I started working there there is this one manager a guy that has caught my attention. During this past 8 months I've been noticing odd behaviors from him when I first started working there. Nothing to alarming. At first I was bothered by it on why he was acting strange but after a few months everything has calmed down. It made me very uncomfortable to work with him in the beginning due to the fact that he just made me nervous to be around him. For me it was awkward. Big time. I just couldn't understand him. I have taken notice in his odd behaviors when I'm around him which made me feel uncomfortable. He's a nice guy. I just can't understand him. He's in his late 40s and me in my early 40s. He's a very confusing individual. I have took notice in everything he does and says. Do I like him ! I like him as a person I just don't know how I feel. I'm still trying to figure out why im having such a hard time. After 8 months I'm struggling to work around him. Now, we've been talking more often than usual just work related stuff nothing personal. Sometimes, just basic regular conversation just the usual how's your day going and so forth. When I try to make eye contact things just feels to intense. For the past 3 months I've had nonstop dreams about him nothing romantic or anything and I get his messages through my dreams. Like he's trying to communicate with me in a more deeper level. I've kept my mouth shut for the past 8 months and not said anything to him not even once. The reason I'm afraid to say something to him is first I don't know what his current relationship status is, 2nd I don't want to loose my job, and 3rd he's a manager. He's not my manager. The more I keep quiet the more anxious and nervous I get being around him. The more we talk the more im finding myself getting closer to him. The more odd behaviors I see from him. And yes everyday is something new from him. The more eye contact we make the intensity and connection makes it stronger. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this. This is literally killing me. I don't know how or what he feels. I just don't know why this is happening. I can't go up to him and tell him all this and risk my job. I'm just trying to understand why all this is happening. I'm a spiritual person so I do pick up on things. I just don't know what to do. I try keeping my distance away from him I find myself wanting to be around him. Please don't tell me switch jobs at this moment I can't. It's like a waiting game that one of us breaks and come out of denial. I don't know what to do. How do you deal with something that is too intense that makes it hard to work around ? How do you do that ? And will someone explain his behavior to me please. Sorry the post got to long I had to get it out. Thx for reading.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Salome1980 said:

 first I don't know what his current relationship status is, 2nd I don't want to loose my job, and 3rd he's a manager.   I try keeping my distance away from him I find myself wanting to be around him. 

Yes. These are all excellent reasons to keep things professional. He's not doing anything wrong. You have a crush and your letting it affect your work.

Date outside of work. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. That will help assuage your loneliness and keep your mind off him.

[Salome1980]

When I first started working there he called me babe on 2 occasions. I didn't call him out on it. So I kept it to myself.  He was not my hiring manager. I walked passed him one day he mentioned something about my work  experience which he shouldn't have access to my resume because he was not my hiring manager. He had no right to access my information. I know managers have the right to call if your needed to come to work. They usually call from company phone. He on the other hand called from his personal cell. And I never gave him my number. His behavior is whats bothering the hell out of me. It's the things he does which makes me nervous to be around him. I'm trying to keep things professional he's making it hard by doing stupid things. And he thinks I haven't picked up on it. I'm not even interested in dating at all. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Salome1980 said:

 he shouldn't have access to my resume because he was not my hiring manager. He had no right to access my information.

Talk to your manager privately and discuss how confidential your personnel file is and that you prefer using only company communication.

You're dreaming about him on one hand then claiming it's sexual harassment on the other, so you'll have to reflect and present things to your manager as professionally as possible.

[Salome1980]

The dreams I have is not romantic. It's more work related stuff than personal. And relaying personal messages to me.  And 2nd I don't have it in me to do something like this. I couldn't even if I wanted too. I don't want to do something where it's going to cost him his job or mine. I don't want to be wrong and make a fool out of myself. I never implied that it's sexual harassment. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Salome1980 said:

. Do I like him ! I like him as a person I just don't know how I feel.  The more we talk the more im finding myself getting closer to him. . I find myself wanting to be around him. 

Sorry for the confusion but you seem to be saying you have a crush and at the same time saying he's inappropriate and annoying you. So it's unclear what you would like to see happening.