my bf is a narcasist

[SeaBisquit]

hi, i spent last weekend at my bf place to try and solve some things in our relationship that has been troubling me. while i was there i stumbled upon some medical papers and court papers that belonged to him. the medical papers stated that he has severe mental problems and he was diagnosed with narcasism, i don't know much about this illness and was wondering if anyone might have some info on this illness.

[Iceman26]

link removed

[RayKay]

Oooh, not a fun one if you are one of that persons "loved ones". I don't know anyone "diagnosed" with it, but I do know some people who portray traits.

 

It is mainly self obsessive behaviours, one where you tend to be selfish and have little regard for how your actions or desires may affect others. They often believe they are better than everyone else, and alone in their thinking - for example believe they are so special and unique that no one comes close and they should be admired, desired for how special they are.

[DN]

In mythology Narcissus was a youth who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool and died of unrequited love.

 

How did you you stumble accross them? Did he leave them in a pile on the floor and you tripped over them and as you were tidying them up the words on the pages were in big type and easy to read while you re-stacked them?

[RayKay]

In mythology Narcissus was a youth who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool and died of unrequited love.

 

How did you you stumble accross them? Did he leave them in a pile on the floor and you tripped over them and as you were tidying them up the words on the pages were in big type and easy to read?

 

Ah, yes, he eventually turned into a flower by the pond. The flower bears the same name as him.

 

And good point DN!

[RandomAdvisor]

Although the person wasn't formally diagnosed, I'm certain I knew someone with this disorder. I was taking a psychology class at the time, and he met the definition in my textbook to the letter.

 

EVERYTHING was about him. He was very selfish and an egomaniac. He tried to take credit for things he didn't do, and segway every conversation to talk about him. Needless to say, he wasn't very fun to be around.

[SeaBisquit]

DN

i found his papers in a box, we use to live together and i was looking for some important papers of my own that i had left behind. i wasn't snooping.

[DN]

well, perhaps. But when you realised that the papers were not the ones you were looking for why did you continue reading?

 

I am not trying to attack you but how would you feel if he read private papers of yours without express permission?

[SeaBisquit]

this is so true because he never really lets me talk about myself. most of our talks are about him. but the confusing part is that he is very giving, he buys me alot of gifts.

[SeaBisquit]

DN

I do feel bad about reading the papers but on the other hand i always had a gut feeling that something was wrong with him i just didn't know what. so i'm kinda glad that i know now.

[RandomAdvisor]

Are you prepared to stay with him knowing he has this condition? Personally, I wouldn't want to stay with someone who had that kind of personality, be it a diagnosed psychological condition or not.

[RayKay]

this is so true because he never really lets me talk about myself. most of our talks are about him. but the confusing part is that he is very giving, he buys me alot of gifts.

 

Depends what his motivation is for buying them. Buying gifts alone does not mean you are "unselfish" if you have selfish motivations for doing so.

 

Honestly with all the posts you have written about this guy, I have NO idea why you are with him, narcisstic or not.

[OceanEyes]

The important question here, and something I have absolutely no idea about, is how narcissism is treated clinically. It just seems like a personality disorder that would be so embedded in a person's mind, that meds or psyho-analysis wouldn't really have much of an impact. I just read a bit, and it seems that the textbook 'narcissist' is extremely reluctant to see the benefit of any type of therapy, as they perceive it as being a severe weakness and is very damaging to their 'self-image'. Good luck trying to love, or help someone with narcissism.

 

Buying gifts, especially elaborate ones, could actually be more for himself than for you. And SeaB, I've read some of your posts here and it doesn't seem like you're especially happy with your relationship with this man. I think we both know that it's the 'little things' that will count in a relationship.

 

In any event, it seems that narcissism is very tough to treat because of the type of personality disorder it is. While something like ADHD or depression can usually be treated with meds and therapy, narcissim would involve trying to encourage a self-obsessed individual to have empathy and respect for others.

 

You shouldn't feel bad or ashamed if this is something you can't deal with. I know that if I were you, I would be feeling pretty helpless at this point. You would be sacraficing your own happiness and fulfillment to be with someone who has been clinically diagnnosed with extreme selfishness and an inability to think about the feelings of others before his own.

[RayKay]

I don't know if anyone here ever watched the last season of The Bachelor ( I am embarrassed to admit that I did even!) but the self obsessed Sara W (who ranted about how people as beautiful as her were discriminated against, and if she was uglier maybe she would of won, and how every other woman (who by the was also pretty, and many of them beautiful inside too!) there was jealous of her ) was displaying classic narcisstic personality disorder. She was always talking about how great she was, what a princess she was, how everyone was jealous of her, how Charlie (the bachelor) would fall in love and pick her as how could he not...

 

As Ocean pointed out, the problem is that narcissists never see a problem with themselves to get treatment for...they are "perfect", it is everyone else that is "flawed".

[DN]

I have used this analogy before but these are people who believe they are starring in the movie of their life and everybody else is a minor character.