Should I ask him if we can be friends?

[Cupcakexox]

This guy and I were seeing each other for a while we had sex. Then he said he didn't want to date because he's too preoccupied with work and that he doesn't have time for anything. I asked him if he was interested in someone else and he said no. I got upset with him and called him a liar but then I apologized. I was in a car accident and I called him after it happened and we talked and I told him about the accident and what happened. I'm supposed to go pick up stuff I left at his house on Sunday I haven't seen him in about a month. I want to talk to him (apologize for going off on him and also about the accident) but I don't know if he'll talk to me.

He didn't have to talk to me when I called but I really appreciated it. I'm going through a rough time right now and talking to him really helps. And I just wish we could be friends and I could tell him about how I'm feeling in general now about the situation with us.

[Madlike]

So you want to be friends with him! Why? He doesn’t want anything to do with you. He’s just being nice. 

[MissCanuck]

Unless you could handle hearing about him meeting another woman or dating, don't try to be friends. 

You will get hurt. 

[Cupcakexox]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Unless you could handle hearing about him meeting another woman or dating, don't try to be friends. 

You will get hurt. 

He said he didn't want to date right now and that he's preoccupied with work and doesn't have time for anything.

[Madlike]

And y

1 minute ago, Cupcakexox said:

He said he didn't want to date right now and that he's preoccupied with work and doesn't have time for anything.

You believe that? This is some BS he told you because he doesn’t like you. He probably didn’t like the sex.

[Cupcakexox]

3 minutes ago, Madlike said:

And y

You believe that? This is some BS he told you because he doesn’t like you. He probably didn’t like the sex.

Didn't like the sex? The way he was having sex with me it didn't seem like that was the case and he asked me if I liked it also he loves my blowjobs. Why not just say he doesn't like me then? 

[JoyfulCompany]

I'm really sorry about the car accident and the rough times. Hope you're healing.

2 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

He said he didn't want to date right now and that he's preoccupied with work and doesn't have time for anything.

This means he didn't want to date you, not that he'll eventually have more time to date you. Did you really fall for that?

Do you have any other friends? Why did you reach out to him after the accident?
Any person with a drop of human empathy would have talked to you in this situation, so this doesn't mean he wants to be your friend. He never suggested it himself. He didn't want to make any time/space for you previously and was not much interested in you as a person.

But the most important thing is why would you want him to be your friend? Do you still have hopes that he'll reconsider a relationship with you? That's very unlikely to happen.

I think it's best for you to seek support elsewhere, not from him. Good luck.

[Madlike]

2 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

Didn't like the sex? The way he was having sex with me it didn't seem like that was the case and he asked me if I liked it also he loves my blowjobs. Why not just say he doesn't like me then? 

Why are you in denial?

No one is ever too busy to move forward with you or date you. They will see you as a good catch and not want to let you go. 
 

Him saying he is too busy with work is an excuse. He doesn’t want to take it further. 

[Cupcakexox]

4 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said:

I'm really sorry about the car accident and the rough times. Hope you're healing.

This means he didn't want to date you, not that he'll eventually have more time to date you. Did you really fall for that?

Do you have any other friends? Why did you reach out to him after the accident?
Any person with a drop of human empathy would have talked to you in this situation, so this doesn't mean he wants to be your friend. He never suggested it himself. He didn't want to make any time/space for you previously and was not much interested in you as a person.

But the most important thing is why would you want him to be your friend? Do you still have hopes that he'll reconsider a relationship with you? That's very unlikely to happen.

I think it's best for you to seek support elsewhere, not from him. Good luck.

That wasn't the first time he told me he was too busy. He had told me this once before and he still let me come over. I'm not sure why him saying this has to be a lie. Why is it not possible that he just doesn't have the time or energy to date right now? 

Before we dated he hadn't been on  a date in a long time. But I'm not saying that it means he'll want to date me later. 

[MissCanuck]

12 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

He said he didn't want to date right now and that he's preoccupied with work and doesn't have time for anything.

Please don't take that as gospel truth. 

If he wanted to date you, he would find the time. I promise. 

[Madlike]

2 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

That wasn't the first time he told me he was too busy. He had told me this once before and he still let me come over. I'm not sure why him saying this has to be a lie. Why is it not possible that he just doesn't have the time or energy to date right now? 

Before we dated he hadn't been on  a date in a long time. But I'm not saying that it means he'll want to date me later. 

He might not have the energy but he had enough energy to hit it and quit it lol.

[JoyfulCompany]

So you do hope he'll change his mind...

6 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

he still let me come over

13 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

he loves my blowjobs

He's okay with sex but not with more than that. Friendship requires more commitment.

Did you call him after the accident to seek out sympathy on his side? That won't take you too far, if so. Reach out to your actual friends, seek therapy or vent here.

[Cupcakexox]

1 minute ago, JoyfulCompany said:

So you do hope he'll change his mind...

He's okay with sex but not with more than that. Friendship requires more commitment.

Did you call him after the accident to seek out sympathy on his side? That won't take you too far, if so. Reach out to your actual friends, seek therapy or vent here.

Seek out sympathy on his side? I was upset and I needed someone to talk to. What's wrong with calling someone after being in an accident? I'm honestly surprised he even answered after I called him a liar and all kinds of things. How does friendship require a commitment? 

[Madlike]

Just now, Cupcakexox said:

Seek out sympathy on his side? I was upset and I needed someone to talk to. What's wrong with calling someone after being in an accident? I'm honestly surprised he even answered after I called him a liar and all kinds of things. How does friendship require a commitment? 

He answered just to be nice and not look like a bad guy. It’s called being “fake”. He could’ve also answered because he was bored.

[Madlike]

43 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

And I just wish we could be friends and I could tell him about how I'm feeling in general now about the situation with us

What would you want to talk about in terms of you two anyway?

[JoyfulCompany]

6 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

Seek out sympathy on his side? I was upset and I needed someone to talk to. What's wrong with calling someone after being in an accident?

Why not talk to your actual friends or family, that was my original question. Why call him of all people?

[Cupcakexox]

3 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said:

Why not talk to your actual friends or family, that was my original question. Why call him of all people?

Who said I didn't tell my family? You're just assuming that I didn't because I called him. I did actually tell my family. I called him because I wanted to talk to him about it. Why is wanting to talk to him a bad thing?

[JoyfulCompany]

30 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

Why is wanting to talk to him a bad thing?

Because he's not your friend. He's someone you want to date that doesn't want to date you.
It's not bad on its own, it's bad for you. You're trying to maintain an illusion. You can do better.

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:Why is wanting to talk to him a bad thing?

Because he’s already made it clear he doesn’t want to be in your life in any significant way. Trying to call him in a time of need makes you look a bit desperate and like you’re not really taking the hint. 

[Cupcakexox]

8 minutes ago, Madlike said:

What would you want to talk about in terms of you two anyway?

I just want to apologize to him in person for going off on him. And I want to tell him that I appreciate him for listening to me even though I was rude to him. And that I would like for us to talk from time to time not everyday. But maybe once a week just see how each of us is doing. I talk to other men but I would like for us to continue talking. I like talking to him and once he told me he enjoyed my company. So I don't see why we can't talk on the phone once a week. 

[Cupcakexox]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Because he’s already made it clear he doesn’t want to be in your life in any significant way. Trying to call him in a time of need makes you look a bit desperate and like you’re not really taking the hint. 

You can call me desperate if you want that's your opinion that doesn't make it true. I told him thanks for talking to me and he said no problem. If he thought I was desperate he wouldn't have answered the phone.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, it is my opinion that you’re making yourself look a little desperate. 

I would save your dignity and self-respect and not try to be his friend. You’re setting yourself up to get hurt when he eventually dates or has sex with someone else. 

When a man tells you he has no time to date you, it’s not smart to try to arrange weekly calls. Just let go and move on, girl. 

[Cupcakexox]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, it is my opinion that you’re making yourself look a little desperate. 

I would save your dignity and self-respect and not try to be his friend. You’re setting yourself up to get hurt when he eventually dates or has sex with someone else. 

Who says he wouldn't have sex with me again? He let me leave my sex stuff at his place. Which is what I'm going to go pick up.

[Kwothe28]

14 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

And I want to tell him that I appreciate him for listening to me even though I was rude to him. And that I would like for us to talk from time to time not everyday.

Because you are hoping he wants more. He was clear that he doesnt, it was just sex for him. 

And you secretly wanting to be friends(probably with benefits) wont change the fact that he just doesnt want what you are offering. Sorry, but I dont think its beneficial for you to pursue him again. Even as a friend. Find somebody else to talk, that guy just doesnt care enough aside of sex and you would be stuck there as a sex friend.

[MissCanuck]

12 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

Who says he wouldn't have sex with me again? 

I don’t know, who’s saying that?

Look, you were obviously upset that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Having casual sex with him is therefore a bad idea. 

You need better boundaries for yourself, so you can regulate your emotions more effectively and make better choices for yourself.