Should we remain friends?

[kagome_hime2003]

I've been reading this forum for some time and hope that I can get some advice on my madness.

Like quit a few members I have been invlved with a married man with two young children, In the beginning I was unhappy didn't feel attractive and very lonely, We met at work and flirted a lot. He knew of my situation horrible break up with my estranged husband and dealing with him having a new relationship, I'll admit I was jealous and wanted someone. I guess more than anything I wanted sex. In november we began flirting more heavily and I finally gave him my number. Thus the beginning of the affair. At first I never asked him of his wife or cared that she existed he never spoke of her and I never aked. The relationship was exciting and in January he told me he loved me and to my surprise I had fallen in love with him as well. We talk everyday over the phone (we have both transferred to different sites) when we used to see each other everday.

Basically I have told him that I am tired of sneaking around and that I want and deserve a full time committed relationship. He agrees completely and has said that eventhough he wants to leave his wife he feels he would be leaving his kids as well. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and wants us to remain friends. I guess what I want to know is, is that ok? Here we are in love with each other had this intense love affair and now just friends? I know we could do it we hardly see each other now anyway and since his oldest is the same age as my son they could play together. But is it right.

He's a great guy but I realize even if he left his wife I could never trust him. We have a lot in common and I value our friendship, i guess I am just confused. Do I never look back or do I take this as "if we cant be love, why not friends" kind of thing?

[Miranona]

I think that you SHOULD NOT remain as friends because i dont think that one can ever be friends esp from an intense love affair. The affair happened, its done, i dont think there really is a need to remain in contact.,

[metallicachica247]

you did the right thing, but try to remain friends. divorce is not always the answer, but friendship usually is

[Hope75]

It really depends on whether or not you think you can actually be friends without falling back into the sex without commitment trap.

 

You have already stated that you weren't getting what you wanted and needed from this relationship (and how could you with a married man who also has a family with his wife), and he chose to stay with his wife.

 

Do you think you can be firm and not crumble the next time you feel lonely and want to have sex again?

 

Personally I don't see the value in keeping this "great guy" who cheated on his wife, strung you along, and jeapordized his family for his own sexual gratification, and then when pressed, dumped you to stay with his wife, around.

 

But that's just me.

[Mun]

Hello there,

I don't think it's a good idea to stay friends. I think it will keep you from moving on in your life. Staying friends with an ex is not a good idea if we hope to find a new man. At least I feel this way.

 

Not to sound cruel, but you want to replace him with someone who will be all yours. Give yourself the best possible chance to have a healthy, committed relationship. Let him go.

 

Good luck !

[Cecelius]

No, for all the other reasons plus this: most dudes in your future would have a skewed view on you if the guy is still a pal. Its one thing if a mistake is in the past, but this one would continue to be around.

[Mun]

That's a very good point Cecelius.

[Cecelius]

I've seen this one in action. A friend of mine (girl) got dumped because she was still pals with a guy she'd cheated on a past b/f with. The new guy said it was skanky.