AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 hiiii things are over now... we talked yestarday abt 2 hours on msn about that topic... that i like her and stuff..... Things became a little bit clearer now.... First she said she feels flattered that i like her and she really likes me but that she dont get a boy friend... ok this part needs explanation becasue it differs from society to another.. Some girls dont get a boy friend in eastern society and this is a normal thing ok so dont take is she just is saying that to me... Its about relegion and traditions... guess what i dont even like to have a girl friend thats why i told u guys my main aim is marriage not bf and gf... ok then she said that she knows that this kind of bf & gf mostly ends with a fight or not in a good end... and that she dont think about guys in that way bec she dont wanna lose anyone... so can we just be like we were ? I said ok and tried to tell her that i wasnt looking for a girl friend but something bigger.. she didnt really understand at the beggining but at the end she said .. iam not sure i got u but i iwll rply abt what i understood.. so can we leave things as it is now till it turns out more clear... (something like let time shows us what will happen ) she said ok ? are we finished from this topic for now ?... i said ok Then she said really i dont want u to hate me or feel bad towards me so say something so i can know that u r ok ? ..... then she started to act friendly like did u c my pic where i was so funny in it .... i just answered in short sentence .... like yes i did.... yeah it was nice.... thats all ... thats really the first time for me to do something like this so iam glad i did.. When i was trying to tell her that i really want something more than just a bf and she wasnt really getting it... i told her several time that since we will be friends there is no point from telling u what i want... but she wanted to know... i told her alot that it wont make a difference but she insisted to know.. she said ok i read the lines above again and iam kindda got what u meant.. and she said what i wrote above ( iam not sure but i will rply......... ) that was too long but i had so say eveything so u can c the picture right .... what do u think guys ? Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 like what do u think guys ? should i forget her ? or just wait ? or what ? Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 hey guys i hope u like the story but can someone answer me ? Link to comment
Reilly2856 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 She may be exhibiting this uncertainty due to the cultural barriers, so I think you should give her space to figure it out. In the meantime, if you really like this girl, it's okay to wait. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 ok now that she said she likes me... does she mean likes me as a friend... Or maybe she likes me but she is not ready now.. or that she cant have a boy friend for any reason... or she likes me but she is a little bit afraid bec she dont know me well... Well i think she dont know very good.. we dont talk at college except like 4 sentences maybe and thats all... also i didnt c her outside college except one time with bunch of friends and didnt really talked to her... Could this be a reason ? does she want to know me better ? The only place we kind of talked is in a private lesson outside college in a friend's house... we kind make jokes and stuff thats all ! Link to comment
manr Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Well her gettingto know u would help. She cant just jump into a bf gf thing if she didnt know u. I say talk to her but dont say i like u part cause that might scare her away. just act cool and say hey wanna go get some food. get a drink. or whatever. just play it cool and take tihngs from there. but remember dont play i love u game and whatever right off the bat. that will do more harm then good,. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 hey.. i already told her that i like her... or u mean from now i should not tell her that love thing and try to be her friend more Link to comment
angel200488 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Try to be her friend first allow her to adjust and see where that may lead to later. Good Luck! Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 hey.. i will try to be her friend but dont u think i screwed things up or i could be late ? does what she said means that she is not interested at all ? Link to comment
DropToZero Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I'm sorry AlwaysNeedsHelp...man I told you so tho....should have listened to me about telling her all that...read my posts again in your last one...tell me what just happened between you and her was not what I predicted? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 What's coming between you is the cultural barrier, not the fact that you said something to her about how you feel. You were right in taking a chance and should feel proud of yourself for doing that. DropToZero, your confusing me. Your quote says "nothing adventured, nothing gained" and yet you advise him to not say how he feels? He needed to venture forth and say what he was feeling or else he wouldn't have gained anything. At least now he has the confidence to know he can say something to a girl he likes and gets things in the open. AlwaysNeedHelp, I'm not really getting this thing about not having boyfriends. What exactly is the reason behind it? What exactly is the religious significance or the meaning of the tradition? I'm curious about this, want to learn something about another culture. From my point of view it seems strange to be thinking of marriage from the start, especially when you are so young. I mean, I also don't like the idea of relationships just for the sake of relationships but at 16 I can't imagine very many people knowing they want to marry someone, particularly someone they barely know. Be her friend, get to know her. Anything is possible in the future, but don't put all your hope in it. And you can also let her know that being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean it ends in a fight and that you don't have to lose someone if you take that chance. Seems like she is afraid of being in a relationship, you need to help her see its nothing to be afraid of. And you do that by being a friend and being there for her. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 ok i need to say somethings... First the reason she dont get boyfriends is not mysterious as u think.... First according to releigion the girl must not have this kind of relation with a boy except if they are married but this is not the main thing... There is other reason that it is considered not ta very good thing to do.. like most of teenages in my country have girl friends but most of them too are not that good in manners... Dont u worry about this thing bec it is normal in our society... I called her on the phone today ... i told her iam sorry about what i said yestarday... she said .. no ofcourse its me iam really sorry i didnt understand...sorry... then i asked her about studying and stuff and asked her to get me a year book where we were young so i can c it.... i talked as a friend bec i dont want to make her feel uncomfortable.. i guess i will be just a friend with her for the moment i dont know could she be just sooo friendlyy ? Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 sorry i have to say something else... Iam really not sad at all... at least i feel better now that i told her... she didnt really say no.. i know it kind of a nooo for me, but like i wont give up for now.. still i did nothing it is just the beggining.. but can someone answer this question plz: what is going in her head when she says that she likes me too and that she is sorry and didnt understand and in the same time she says i dont get friends ? Like i wanna ask her ok u didnt understand, then now u got it so what ? anyways as i said i wont screw it up .. i will just try to let her to know me better bec we really mostly dont know eachother that well and this could be a main problem.. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 DropToZero, your confusing me. Your quote says "nothing adventured, nothing gained" and yet you advise him to not say how he feels? He needed to venture forth and say what he was feeling or else he wouldn't have gained anything. At least now he has the confidence to know he can say something to a girl he likes and gets things in the open. That quote can be interpreted so many ways lol....has nothin to do with revealing feelings in hopes of like feelings from her. He just doesnt get it...that's not how girls think....they don't want to hear the words "i really like you" or 'have strong feelings for you' when you barely know her..it scared her off...just like I said it would. I called her on the phone today ... i told her iam sorry about what i said yestarday... she said .. no ofcourse its me iam really sorry i didnt understand...sorry... then i asked her about studying and stuff and asked her to get me a year book where we were young so i can c it.... i talked as a friend bec i dont want to make her feel uncomfortable.. i guess i will be just a friend with her for the moment i dont know could she be just sooo friendlyy ? Shouldn't have said you were sorry....and talking as a friend is all you're going to get...she's just being friendly, yes. Iam really not sad at all... at least i feel better now that i told her... she didnt really say no.. i know it kind of a nooo for me, but like i wont give up for now.. still i did nothing it is just the beggining.. but can someone answer this question plz: what is going in her head when she says that she likes me too and that she is sorry and didnt understand and in the same time she says i dont get friends ? You told her...fine...now she knows, even with this girl TELLING you she liked you...she still doesn't want anything more than friends...do I have to say again that I was right...god no one listens... You need to give up..only by pursuing her will you push her away even further. You can stay in contact..learn to flirt...possibly get something later on, but for now..you're a friend and you're not gonna get any further. If you dont want to read my advice or take it..just say so....I don't really care, I'm only tryin to help...and out of all the people I've helped out one on one thru prvt message...anything...they've all gotten better with girls and are dating now...or flirting now...trying new things. Your society may be different...but that doesn't mean some of the same things dont apply... Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 why do u always see the empty portion of the cup ? Why did u say she only wants us to be friends... this could be true for the moment.. bec she said she dont get a boy friend ?.. as i said this is not the point... she could need more time to know me.. also she could have feelings but dont wanna go into relation now bec like wha i said abt society things... sometimes i put myself in her position.. i know she could be just friendly.. well actually she is so friendly, but like i also dont like to hurt someone's feelings.. but if someone i dont like told me i like u... i wont say i like u too for any reason...also i wont be that friendly u know... I dont know, mayebe she is different but i return with my memory and i find things which tells me she likes u... i could be wrong.. to tell the truth if she said ok i want to be ur gf.. i was going to get so scared... yeah really i didnt want that too but i had to do it this way.. when i called her and said iam sorry... dont u think she could have said only like: no no problem at all its ok and stuff like that... However she said to me no are u stupid no ofcourse iam the one who is sorry... again this could be friendly.. iam not sure... Drop to zero, i know it not a good answer she said, but i had to say my feelings.. i could play a game once but not all the time.. i didnt want to play the game i did to make her fall in love with me but to know her feelings.. I try to get close to her as a friend, to let her know me better... i dont know maybe she has something to say we will c Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 hey pleaaaaaaaaaase something important.... Should i tell her : hey i want to know u better ? or it is just overrr ? bec i think the main problem we didnt know eachother that well... shoud i say that or forget about it ?? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Hey, I'm not worried or anything, I was just curious. I like learning about different cultures and I'm not really clear on the whole no bf thing. I just wanted clarification for my own personal knowledge and so I could understand things better and maybe use it to give you or other people in your situation better advice. I get that it's tradition and religious, but why did people decide to make this a tradition? And whether someone is in a relationship doesn't really relate to there manners. You can have people with bad manners in a relationship or being single, and the same applies to those with good manners. Don't mean to get into a cultural debate, but I like learning about things and was just interested in this. You did the right thing in telling her, otherwise your feelings were going to eat you up inside. Things didn't go the best possible way, but they didn't go the worst either. I think you should focus on being her friend and getting to know her. If you didn't really know her before, you couldn't really expect her to jump into a big commitment like you were looking for. Anything could happen in the future. Maybe you'll end up together, maybe you'll be really good friends, maybe you won't get along. But unless you talk to her and try to get to know her, you'll never know. I also think you should stop worrying about things like this so much. You have the tendency to look at every little thing and make it into a big deal. Don't be so nervous, learn to step back and look at the larger picture. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 for the tradition thing... sorry that i said tradition it is not... it just meant it is something normal in my country... No relation between a man and a woman except in marriage.. u could find this strange but its ok.... Anyways, yes i look at every fine thing which is making me more crazy... i try to analyze what she is saying.. sometimes it works bec i try to do this thing from a long time.. anyways, here is what is making me confused.. Now imagine with me that she dont like me, only as a friend, and that she dont have this kind of feelings for me... Here is what she do if she dont like me: sure she would say no in a nice way, but would she say i like u too ?.... She would try to finish the conv as fast as possible, but she instead wanted to talk alot.. we talked 2 hours on msn, sent to each other abt 20 msg in a row !! I just got her number and i really didnt contact her instead for this topic, so she sent me a msg asking me abt something in the exam tomm.??? if she dont like me she would try to get away not finding things to say... like she could have asked many other people... specially that i liked her and things could be nervous between us but she asked me ?? or she just said, he wont ask me again iam sure so let me be his friend only ?? CONFUSED Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now