She got jealous/upset over something said to me by who she thought was a girl and won't talk to me

[Mrgreenjeans]

Hello, all

So there's this girl I've known for 9 years, we've always been strictly friends up until late 2020 where things began to get more intimate/romatic/sexual and since then, we've been casually dating, not official, and going on and off because life, not because we had problems. Recently she's been pretty consistent with me and I can tell that she really likes me and I like her too. She facetimes me almost everyday, sometimes even 2-3 times a day, if this means anything, she does 80% of the calling.. To get to the problem, my close guy friend of mine, sent me a sexually funny message that was hilarious, so I screenshot it and posted it onto my close friends list (Only people I put on the list can see it) on Instagram, and she's on the list of course because we've been close for so long. On the screenshot, I covered my friends name because he didn't want people to know it was him. Anyways, she saw the post.. The next day, I saw she unfollowed me on twitter which was odd, but didn't think much of it.. Later that day, I decided to facetime her, no answer, I called again, no answer. Again, didn't think much of it. Later that night, she deletes me on Snapchat so then I knew something was wrong so I called her, she answered and by her tone I could tell she was bothered, I asked her whats wrong and she said that the screenshot I had posted made her pissed off, jealous and hurt. Stupidly,I asked her why, and the reason I asked why is because I've posted stuff like this months before and it didn't bother her then, and she threw at me, "its sad that I have to explain why" I tried telling her I didn't mean to make her feel that way, and she was saying stuff like "you have the right to post what I want, but idk, just give me a night" not much was said after that, so we hung up, I then sent her a text after basically saying that I understand how she's feeling and I had no intention to make her feel that way and that I wanted to talk about it, and that she can call me whenever she's ready to do so. No response.. Next day I really thought she would've called me by then, but I got impatient, and so I called her again, I know, stupid, and she answered and I tried to understand more on how she's feeling and trying to explain how it was a guy friend of mine because she thinks it's a girl.. During the call she basically was telling me "I have no right to be upset or jealous, but idk, it made me feel some type of way, and you haven't really given me enough time to gather my feelings, and how do I know you're not lying" I sent her a screenshot of the chat without my friends name being covered and she said "You could've changed the name" So it's like she wants to be mad at me? Make me chase her more? I don't know.. But later in the conversation, I lightened up the mood and it worked, she seemed back to normal at the time and she added me back on twitter and snapchat, so I ended the conversation on what I thought was a good note but it wasn't..

 

Next day, I facetimed her and she answered, but she seemed disengaged and uninterested and even eventually asked me, "So why'd you call?" Which she has never asked me that before, and I told her because I just wanted to talk to you, she said oh okay, shortly after that, she said she had to go, and I knew then that she's still upset.. At that point I was frustrated at how she's handling this, especially since we are not officially dating and the fact that I'm trying to talk to her about it and fix it.. We didn't talk the rest of the day but late that night, she sent me 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to it. Next morning she does it again with another 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to that either because I want her to talk to me, not send snapchats, she also likes memes I post on Facebook, but won't talk to me.. So I felt I called her enough and tried talking to her, but she doesn't seem like she wants to at all, so I stopped calling her and she doesn't call me at all now, today is our 4th day without talking, but the fact she won't talk to me but she'll like my facebook memes and Instagram post kinda bugs me, it's like she's playing a game. 

 

Should I just leave her alone and give her space?? At this point, I don't know if she wants to see more effort, or if she wants me to leave her alone? I don't want to give her space then have her think I don't care, but I also don't want to smother her and push her away further, but again, I don't know what she wants. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Mrgreenjeans said:

Should I just leave her alone and give her space??

Yes , because what else can you do at this point?

It was rather silly of you to post something like that and not predict that it could be misinterpreted. Of course it was going to ruffle her feathers at first, since you weren't clear it was a guy friend joking around. Were you trying to get her attention, or..? I have a hard time buying that you didn't see this coming, although you might not have bargained that she would remain this upset. 

But since you've already tried to explain yourself and she's having none of it, you can't really do anything else. 

At some point, she needs to be willing to meet you halfway if she wants this to continue. And if she doesn't, you will have to assume this is her dealbreaker and it's over. 

[Wiseman2]

Is this the same woman?:

 

[SooSad33]

On 3/16/2022 at 12:26 AM, Mrgreenjeans said:

eventually asked me, "So why'd you call?" Which she has never asked me that before, and I told her because I just wanted to talk to you, she said oh okay, shortly after that, she said she had to go, and I knew then that she's still upset.. At that point I was frustrated at how she's handling this, especially since we are not officially dating and the fact that I'm trying to talk to her about it and fix it.. We didn't talk the rest of the day but late that night, she sent me 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to it. Next morning she does it again with another 'a year ago today' snapchat, I didn't respond to that either because I want her to talk to me, not send snapchats,

First off, IF you rather her truly talk to you, you need to say this.  She can't read your mind.  Communication is very important in a relationship.

Second, Is she aware of this 'Not officially dating' thing?  May be an idea to discuss this fact with her.  Instead, she could be assuming you two are for real, an item. I know I would... And if you don't have this true interest in only her, admit it. don't lead her on!

As it seems, yeah, she's got some feeling for you now. So you two should maybe figure this stuff out?  Are you a real item now.. or not? ( as for this meme thing she reacted to, yeah, in ways it's silly to be so offended.. and throw at you that you maybe just put a name on it, etc- is like a reaction of jealousy- not sure).