Boyfriend is unemployed and “finding himself”

[MaddeeSin]

Hi everyone. 
 

My boyfriend has been unemployed for 2 years. He has collected unemployment and during that time he says he’s been trying to “find himself.” He’s been doing this by taking walks outside, painting, video gaming, going to the gym, cooking, watching tv, meeting up with friends, meditating, smoking weed, etc. 

He tells me he sees nothing wrong with this because they are positive and healthy hobbies. I’m getting upset because he’s 29 years old (I’m 29 as well) and doesn’t find an urgent need to work or be independent. I keep telling him those hobbies are fine but I can’t date someone who only partakes in hobbies - I need someone who is independent and has an income rather than living off money saved from unemployment (he lives with his mom and dad). He is starting to become “hippie-like” and gets defensive whenever I tell him he needs to snap back into reality.
 

I work my butt off. I’m really starting to resent him for waking up every day whenever he feels, taking walks, smoking weed, etc while I’m over here stressed and thinking about adult things. He’s a really good person but I’m starting to realize we will never work out. How can I tell him this without being condescending? I feel like whenever I try to explain that I need someone who works, he gets really upset and says I put him down. 
 

any thoughts? 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, MaddeeSin said:

He’s been doing this by taking walks outside, painting, video gaming, going to the gym, cooking, watching tv, meeting up with friends, meditating, smoking weed, etc. 

he lives with his mom and dad.

How long have t you been dating?

His parents apparently support this lifestyle and since you are not living together or supporting him or feeding him or giving him money it's not your job to fix, change or mother him.

Your values and goals are incompatible. End it. Find someone who shares your goals, lifestyle level of ambition and values. Stop nagging . Just be done with this loafer.

[DancingFool]

Easy - stop trying to tell him what you need and just tell him one thing "This isn't working out for me anymore so it's best we part ways. Wish you well and hope you do find yourself eventually."

Don't try to explain to him for the umpteenth time how his choices are flawed in your eyes because that is condescending and patronizing as well. Sometimes ending things is best done with less talk and less explanations. He's heard you plenty and knows what you think already. No need to keep beating a dead horse.

[HeartGoesOn]

Multiple accounts are not allowed...Thread closed.