I don't know what I want.

[badburnz]

Life has been a little frustrating recently. In the last year I've entered and messily exited the first meaningful relationship I've ever had, started and equally messily bailed out of tertiary education, lived in a non English speaking country for six months, shifted house three times, split from and then rejoined my old band and lost most of my old friends.

I've had a pretty full-on year. Unfortunately, I've found myself stranded in my boring hometown with an awful job which I can't stand, no qualifications and few social connections. I have managed to rack up eleven thousand dollars of debt and I pull in maybe two hundred bucks a week.

I was arrested two weeks ago for breaking into someone elses house to escape the cold while drunk(!)

Due to years of doing shift hours that were all over the place, my body clock is completely screwed. Sometimes I go for a few days without sleep, sometimes I don't see daylight at all for days on end.

I'm a pretty resiliant person, and I'm fairly sure I'm going to work out a way to pull myself out of the various situations I've managed to get myself into in the last little while.

The thing is, I realised that If I stay in my current job much longer (I am currently working in a department store after hours putting stuff on shelves), I would have racked up 6 years with the same employer.

In high school I was in an accelerated stream class, you know, the guys who take all their classes a year ahead of the rest. It was an underfunded single sex school in a bad area, and I just got fed up with it and one day just stopped turning up. I went and landed the job I've come back to now. I turned into a party animal, developed some bad habits and basically spent my late teens drunk.

I am 24 years old, and most of my peers from highschool are earning at least twice what I do. Many of them are even running their own businesses and the like, and are very successful people. Most are in really good relationships and have lots of friends and good relations with their families. Whenever I catch up with someone I know I get the impression they can't understand why I'm not doing better for myself.

A while ago a friend admitted to me that alot of folk kind of view me as some sort of reject burnout. Other peoples opinions don't bother me usually, but when I stop and take stock of my life I'm actually inclined to agree with them.

I don't have any clear notion of where I'm going, what I'm doing or why I'm here. It seems like anything I start is destined to wind up going down in flames. I have some vague ideas about what I want to do with my time, but they often seem really unattainable. I really feel like I should have sorted myself out long ago. I feel like an old worn out failure, like I missed the boat. Is this normal at 24?

[DN]

You may have missed that boat but you can catch the next one. Night school, open university, apprenticeships, different job, career counselling. Why, the jetty is crowded with boats all waiting for you to get on board.

[nickb]

remember...it's not about where you've been, its how you use it do decide where you want to go. you can look back on your past as a failure, and make more bad choices, or you can use it to help you in the future make sound, good choices. let this be a fork in the road.

[badburnz]

hmmm...

Thanks for the advice DN.

It's funny though. I don't actually know anybody who's done the whole returning student thing and been successful. Most of those I know who have done this either haven't completed their courses, or have completed them and been unable to gain any meaningful employment.

Perhaps I just don't know enough people in general!

[DN]

Just because you don't know anyone who has done it doesn't mean there aren't any, or that it can't be done.

 

But, even if there aren't so what? You can be the first. Don't look for excuses not to change your life.

 

I read a little while ago of an old lady of 83 who got a degree - don't tell me you can't do as well as an 83 year old great-grandma.

[UGH1607307217]

Hey Burnz,

 

Im sorry youve had a bad year, but its only a year...

 

I read your previous post, and it seems to me that the "loopy girlfriend" was a big part of that year. What happened to getting your teaching degree? Why not persue that again? It almost seems to me that she brought you down a bit, you had to sell your possesions to support yourselves, she didnt get out of bed for days, complaining about her "stressful" life. That certainly had to affect you. Is there any way you can get on a more regular schedule at work? It sounds like you could use some rest for both your mind and body. I think that would be the first step in moving forward with your life and goals. Maybe if you could get on a regular schedule with work and rest you can think about what it is that you want to do with yourself...and then knowing what kind of hours you are working every week you can better schedule a life.

 

You certainly shouldnt think of yourself as a "reject burnout", you just got a little off track and you need a little guidance to find your way back.

 

If you need to talk, send me a message

 

Hang in there and have a good night!

[badburnz]

Thanks man.

Yeah you're right. It is only a year. I'm mostly bummed that I'm so strapped that I can't afford to keep studying. The loopy one was indeed a big part of my year, and the thing was I found that as soon as I got her out of my life I kind of hit the skids. Soon as she was gone I lost all motivation to do anything. I've been moping round the house, living off Pizza, beer and cigarettes for the last few weeks. Still, I guess it happens eh? I know I just gotta get movin again.

You have a good night too yeah?

Much appreciated

[nickb]

thanks for the advice you gave me. another thing you should realize...and people always say it to me, but when you're in a valley, the only way you can go is UP.

 

No matter where your life has been, no matter how bad things are, you and you alone can change every last bit of it. Not saying it'd be easy, but definitely doable. Just devote your time and effort into change. Don't look at the past as failures, look at it as a an opportunity to learn from mistakes.

 

Look at the good side, you've got your health. A friend of my family just got a divorce from her husband, because he wanted out, didn't give a reason why, just up and left. now, she just found out soon after that she has colon cancer, with very little survival rate. she has 2 young boys she's raising. she had to make the decision whether to get chemotherapy and live a year longer, but be sick from the treatment, or to only live 6 months without treatment and get to spend the summer with her boys. point being, no matter how bad your situation is, you have to look at the bright side. you've got your health.

 

best of luck.

[badburnz]

Yeah...I'll stop whining now... That sucks!

 

Hey I hope you feel better in the morning yeah?

 

Often times a good cry makes you feel fantastic.

[UGH1607307217]

Is there not any form of financial aid (grants, etc.) In New Zealand? Just curious, I don't know how the educational system works there.

 

Remember, get your mind and body right and the rest will follow...slow down on the beer and eat your veggies! ;o)

[badburnz]

The reason I'm in debt is in part because of the student loans scheme we have here. I've got to wait a year or so before I'm eligible for financial assistance that I don't have to pay back. They consider you to be a youth for the purposes of financial assistance till you're 25 here, thereforeeee theoretically your parents are responsible for paying for that sort of thing unless they earn below a certain threshold (Which is actually pretty low). Most people who get a degree here skip the country to work off the debt somewhere where the currency is stronger and/or the wages are better, usually either Australia or the United Kingdom. I'm finding it difficult keeping on top of the repayments so I'm thinking of discontinuing my studies and finding some work and biding my time till I can get the allowances. How does it work in the states?