Feel so low after breakup and really don't know what to do? So many mixed messages

[No1]

Im thinking there is a whole other side to this story and if she came on, she would tell a very different side. So with that being said, you two just dont belong with one another. You two dated, learned from one another, grew, had some good times, good memories, bad times and bad memories and the relationship ended and it just no longer worked out. 

Was it your fault? Nope, was it her fault? Nope. It just wasnt going to go any further. In the 4 years you two grew and the paths you two were on were no longer compatible. Once you understand that it is over then you can accept that it is over. You cant correct the past, you cant go back and do things differently, you cant go back and show her that you have 'changed' and you cant take back words or actions. What you do is try not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship with another person. How you show you changed is thru time and thru actions. Maybe she will keep tabs on you, maybe she wont, but you cant care either way what she does. As much as this hurts you, she will find another guy to fall in love with. She will hold him, kiss him and have sex with him and maybe even marry him. If that happens.. good for her. But at the same time, the next one you meet you will hold, kiss, have sex with and who knows where it will go. 

Now, I understand you are mad because you did all these things for you and still lost the girl. So whats the lesson to be learned? And change in a positive direction is because you want it and not because there were conditions attached to it. If you did it to get the girl back and she doesnt come back as you understood it, then you will be mad. So any change is because YOU wanted it. 

Do you need to be her friend? No, she will be fine without you and do you really want to pretend to be her friend and hear how she met someone else? You dont need that so just let her go. If she is offering to be your friend its probably because she has already emotionally detached from you. But the reasons for her wanting to be your friend doesnt matter honestly. Just dont be her friend because it will only hurt you. 

In short it doesnt matter anymore. The promises you two once made no longer matters, the talks about the future, promises, the wouldnt be nice conversations all have to be tossed out. She is on her own path, you are your own. Let her go on her own journey..