ex and i are sleeping together again...so confused

[highonyou]

my ex and i broke up 4 months ago after i made the mistake of accepting a dare to kiss a female friend for free drinks. He seemed fine about it at the time, i didnt think he would be so offended since he kept a photo of the kiss on his mobile.

 

anyway, the following months were unbearable and i did my best to be his friend but was difficult as it hurt so much to be around him. i handled my grief better as time went by, but i still couldnt let go. we became such close friends since i couldnt bare him not to be in my life at all.

 

then last month the sexual tension between us was unbearable, and we agreed to a one night stand. i then suggested in the following days that we become sex buddies to help with stress over the exam period.

 

he has told me that he feels guilty about sleeping with me as he doesnt want to hurt me, but does it to make me happy. he treats me like i his gf when we are alone together. im so lost without him, he confessed that he wasnt getting on very well when we were apart, im hoping that he still loves me. where do i go from here?

 

bit worried as i think i may be pregnant, i missed a pill at the beginning of a pack, this was a few days before we first slept together. im terrified he might think i planned this to get him back. i dont want to lose his trust or friendship again.

[RayKay]

Two things:

 

1) Don't sleep with an ex in the hopes of getting them back. It is letting him know you will settle for less that you want to have at least PART of him, RARELY works as intended, and often leads to more pain. Also prevents you from healing and moving on.

 

2) Did you take make up pill per pack instructions? In future, always read pack instructions to do as they recommend with missed pill. You are "likely" okay, but not 100%...wait until end of pill cycle when you are to get period and take test (take even if you do have "period" as it is a false period and may not indicate it accurately).

 

AND...if despite #1, you continue to sleep with him anyway...USE CONDOMS. AS you are not longer together you really cannot be guaranteed he is only having sex with you, and because it reduces pregnancy risk even more.

[Hope75]

I unfortunately went the other way when my guy broke up with me we will still sleeping together too. We slowly started dating again and are now back together full swing, but it was really hard for me to sleep with him and give myself to him emotionally when I was not getting back the full commitment from him until later.

 

It's a tough place to be when you don't want to lose them and you use sex as a form of mutual intimacy, which it sometimes is, but more often after a breakup it's more empty for the one who did the dumping and more about desperately holding on for the dumpee (I've been there, so I am not judging by any means...)

 

You have to decide what you are willing to accept in terms of treatment. If he admitted that he is missing you, maybe it's time to have a talk about re- evaluating where the relationship is going before you jump back into bed with him.

 

As Ray Kay has said, USE CONDOMS! Regardless of what the deal is with your bc pills, your ex will see a pregnancy right now as a manipulative manuever to get him back, not good! In addition is it really fair to bring a baby into a situation that is already a mess and very uncertain?

 

And also it is true that after a breakup there is no gaurantee or promise that he is not sleeping with anyone else. Protect yourself first!

[highonyou]

i plan to take a test in the next few days when my period is due.

 

he just left my bedroom a few minutes ago, i didnt have sex with him this time! yay. we just talked, but it confuses me how he cuddles up to me while sitting on my bed. it always ends up as us lying side by side with his arms wrapped around mine and im in his arms. i dont want to lose that.

 

 

i really want to know what is going on between us, i know he sees me as more than a friend, im just not sure what feelings he does have for me and im not sure how to go about asking.

 

things were very awkward between us and for our friends as we all saw each other everyday and i dont want to bring that difficulty back.

 

i would do anything for him, but i dont want to go through the hurt of a break up again

[RayKay]

I think you are going to have just ask - so you can make your decisions. Just ask "what are we?". While its not easy to ask, communication is important and you deserve to know what he sees this as - a friends with benefits situation, something more, or something less so YOU can make a decision that is right for YOU.

 

If this was a new relationship I would tell you to wait it out longer, and just take it casually, but there is history here, feelings and emotions and hanging in there as you fear asking him can cause more hurt and more pain if he does not see it as anything more than what it is.

[highonyou]

i think im going to try minimal contact between us, perhaps even NC. im not sure if there is any point to asking whats going on, he seems comfortable mentioning what girls he likes from his uni course when we talk, perhaps im looking for something that isnt there.

 

it would a hell of a lot easier to get over him if he never said "i love you". perhaps asking will just make things more difficult and complicated.