confused about ex behavior

[pickdaisies]

one month ago , my boyfriend broke up with me. i was devastated. we have a daughter together. he treated me bad. he was dating somebody and it has apparently ended and he is spending a lot of time with his family. i never call him. i try to avoid him if at alll possible. well, our daughter got sick. i had to call him. he blew me off. well, she got pretty sick. he then starts calling me this past week. he wants to know what i am doing and where i am at all the time. he starts telling me what he is doing and where he is at. i don't even ask. before i got my head chopped off if ik dared. we were together 3 years. well, last week. he called me and wanted to know if i wanted to drop her off at his house friday. he yelled at me if i was at his house before. i said no. iwould take her to his mom's sat am . i have to be at work at 6;45. well, then he calls back and says can he come get her at my house before, i go to work. i said no. because he has a meeting at 10 and he will drop her off there anyway. he is confusing me. why the interest in my life now? is he trying to make excuses to see us? i am not sure how to handle this, he treated me pretty bad and now he is being nice to me. what is with the change?

[Hope75]

This guy doesn't sound he has any interest in getting back together with you. He sounds pretty selfish, and like he only wants to see his daughter when it's convenient for him. He was no where to be found when she was ill, and now the sudden interest in seeing her?

 

How was he as a father when you were together? He didn't sound like a very good boyfriend to you, but what's important now is what kind of a father he was, since that's where the focus needs to be now, on your daughter.

 

If he was/is a good father. I wouldn't be too concerned and would let him come and get your daughter and spend some time with her. She deserves to have her dad in her life if at all possible.

 

If you question his motives and he was not a good father in the past, you may want to contact a lawyer or family services to arrange for visitation on terms that will be safe for your child but also allow her to see him.

[marriedmom]

PD

#1---Document, document, document! Keep all that goes on between your ex and your daughter well documented in the event that you will need to retain an attorney. His all-of-a-sudden behavior is indeed curious.

#2---He does sound selfish, and utterly immature. Does he see is daughter often, or is it truly on his terms? Does he give you and financial support? (PS, you do not need the courts to have an amiable support agreement)

Pickdaisies, he was probably seeing the person whom he just broke it off with while he was with you. That is probably why he bit your head off if you asked his whereabouts! Now that that girl is out of the picture, he will go back to what is comfortable and a sure thing---you. Until someone else comes algon to fill his vapid need.

NOW--this may sound harsh, but he may be just using your and his daughter to possibly get back on good terms with you---you know, appeal to you through his sudden attention to your daughter.

How old is your daughter? AND was he a good dad when he was around???

[pickdaisies]

he is a good father. i just do not understand why he constantly wants to know what i am doing and where i am at all the time? he tells me about his life now and did not do that before. he tells me where he is going and what he is doing. i do not understand the change. why now? i do not care.

i tell him i do not have to tell him about my life anymore. yet, he still wants to know about me. if he is not interested in me, does his interest lie in my little girl and taking her from me?

[pickdaisies]

you are probably right. he is a good dad. and he pays me child support on his own. he has an interest in her. as the old saying goes, "sometimes you don't know what you had until it is gone"

and i feel like he is afraid i am doing other stuff and seeing other people

-----not that sure thing---

and it is freaking him out. because he does not have anybody now.

[marriedmom]

PD---

You never know what has been said to him while he has been living with his parents. Does his parents see their granddaughter? How is Your relationship with them?

You had mentioned that he treated you badly. You do not want to reunite with a man that treated you badly. He may be the greatest father in the world, but that doesnt have to make him a good partner.

Question---why didn't the two of you ever marry? You lived together, had a child together...what's the deal?

[Hope75]

If he is a good dad and he is paying his child support that he has a right to see his daughter and I think that needs to be where the focus lies.

 

Regardless of what his intentions are with you at this point, your only interest with him should be the best interests of your daughter.

 

Hopefully the two of you can work out some sort of arrangement so she will benefit from both of your influences, together or apart.

[marriedmom]

Great reply Hope75! You are right on target with that reply!

[pickdaisies]

i have a great relationship with his parents. his mom helps me with my kids and she told me that we are all hurting because of this. she spends a great deal of time with my daughter. we did not live together. he has his own place. althought, he spent a great deal of time with me. as far as the marriage thing, we both felt it wasn't time. he has been married twice and is very skeptical of it. i have been married once. four years ago. i do not understand. our daughter was planned. when we first met, we talked about a life together but something changed over the years. his second marriage left him financially very hurt. he has had no children with either marriage. sometimes i think he doesn't know what he wants. he likes his space but he also likes family. i am going to be honest here. i did not always treat him the best. alot of it stemmed from not knowing where the relationship was going and he wasn't an excellent communicator.

i think he fears me moving home. i am from georgia. i live in kansas and moved here for him. i am okay here. one month ago, he told me to leave when he was being nasty. last week, he comes over to see her and steps into my place without asking and asks me where all my stuff is? i told him i have been putting things away that i do not need. i am moving when my lease expires. he told me to leave. i can't be here with him being mean to me. if he is capable of being civil, i would stay here. he is a good dad and she loves him very much. she is only 2. he was about to cry when i told him this, but he has a lot of issues to work on. i admit my faults and take full responsiblity for what i did that was wrong. i am not perfect. i come from a family whose parents have been married 30 years. and believe on working on things. he came from a broken home. and i see a pattern in his relationships and his mom even said he needs counseling. this man is 41. but i also decided that i can't have people coming in and out of my life. i have a seven year old boy and i don't want him to think that this is how problems are dealt with by walking away. we actually got a long great. i spoke to him every day of my life i was with him. but he pulled away. he still can't go without talking to me. he is calling me. ...i think married woman is right. he got bored and started seeing someone. for what reasons i do not know. it ended. he knows now what he lost. i have been here for him no matter what. it's my nature. i am not a fair weather friend. he was my best friend. he just wasn't my boyfriend. i am hurt deeply.

[pickdaisies]

i have a great relationship with his parents. his mom helps me with my kids and she told me that we are all hurting because of this. she spends a great deal of time with my daughter. we did not live together. he has his own place. althought, he spent a great deal of time with me. as far as the marriage thing, we both felt it wasn't time. he has been married twice and is very skeptical of it. i have been married once. four years ago. i do not understand. our daughter was planned. when we first met, we talked about a life together but something changed over the years. his second marriage left him financially very hurt. he has had no children with either marriage. sometimes i think he doesn't know what he wants. he likes his space but he also likes family. i am going to be honest here. i did not always treat him the best. alot of it stemmed from not knowing where the relationship was going and he wasn't an excellent communicator.

i think he fears me moving home. i am from georgia. i live in kansas and moved here for him. i am okay here. one month ago, he told me to leave when he was being nasty. last week, he comes over to see her and steps into my place without asking and asks me where all my stuff is? i told him i have been putting things away that i do not need. i am moving when my lease expires. he told me to leave. i can't be here with him being mean to me. if he is capable of being civil, i would stay here. he is a good dad and she loves him very much. she is only 2. he was about to cry when i told him this, but he has a lot of issues to work on. i admit my faults and take full responsiblity for what i did that was wrong. i am not perfect. i come from a family whose parents have been married 30 years. and believe on working on things. he came from a broken home. and i see a pattern in his relationships and his mom even said he needs counseling. this man is 41. but i also decided that i can't have people coming in and out of my life. i have a seven year old boy and i don't want him to think that this is how problems are dealt with by walking away. we actually got a long great. i spoke to him every day of my life i was with him. but he pulled away. he still can't go without talking to me. he is calling me. ...i think married woman is right. he got bored and started seeing someone. for what reasons i do not know. it ended. he knows now what he lost. i have been here for him no matter what. it's my nature. i am not a fair weather friend. he was my best friend. he just wasn't my boyfriend. i am hurt deeply.