Ex Boyfriend Messaged me; what now?! (Screenshot)

[sullensloth]

Sullen,

 

I think Figure hit a sore spot, or you would not be so defensive. Instead of getting upset with her, you should be focusing it on yourself. Your anger is misdirected. Once you own some of this, you will start the healing process. Victimizing ourselves is never good.

 

yes, the sore spot was the invalidation.

 

i sat and contemplated much before replying. my anger is as someone who felt the need to ask me if i had really been abused. I feel ridiculous now, having to almost ‘fight’ for the right to say I was abused. How gross, I don’t want want. I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to be right in saying I was abused, but I was. Did I allow it? Sure yes I allowed it into my life but it was still not my fault. His mistreatment of me, whether or not I accepted the phone call, was not my fault. I just did not want to be invalidated in my time of need.

 

and by the way- I acknowledged (I think) everything you just said in a post of mine. look back at the pertinent details lol

[figureitout23]

yes, the sore spot was the invalidation.

 

i sat and contemplated much before replying. my anger is as someone who felt the need to ask me if i had really been abused. I feel ridiculous now, having to almost ‘fight’ for the right to say I was abused. How gross, I don’t want want. I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to be right in saying I was abused, but I was. Did I allow it? Sure yes I allowed it into my life but it was still not my fault. His mistreatment of me, whether or not I accepted the phone call, was not my fault. I just did not want to be invalidated in my time of need.

 

and by the way- I acknowledged (I think) everything you just said in a post of mine. look back at the pertinent details lol

 

Understood.

 

I apologize.

 

You are strategic, which is what has me questioning to begin with, you know when to and when not to wield the abuse word, “ I cheated on my abusive boyfriend” vs “ my on again off again boyfriend is messaging me, what should I do” also... girl, you got some bark behind your bite, which is why I can see, you are not a passenger here, you are an active participant in this toxicity, does it take away anything he’s done? Absolutely not, but it does show YOU need to walk away and heal YOU, because it takes two to tango and you can’t have toxicity if one of the players taps out. He’s got a hold on you, that’s clear, you have to find the strength to block and walk away.

 

I have been abused, I have worked with raped and abused women, I don’t get distracted by the word, so sometimes it’s used as a smoke screen to avoid looking within, but if you don’t, you’ll just end up in another toxic abusive situation. Statistically an abused woman is more likely to enter into another abusive situation. Isn’t that awful? We go with what we’re familiar with, you have to stop the cycle, YOU.