break up exscuses or the truth?

[buckley]

I was wondering....you know how we all hear he same break up lies ie: its not me its you, i love you but not in love, im not ready for serious rship, i just need a break to think etc etc do u think its mere coincidence we all hear it? or do u think that their so common because they are actually what people usualy feel???

 

i mean sure of course SOME say it just to get out of it but im talking the main majporities here........

 

i knwo every time ive broke up with someone ive said these: i need a break to think ( i was goin overses n scared doin ld) , another guy i said not ready 4 serious rship, both were exactly true......

 

im wondering maybe we hear all the same things cos they r what we mostly feel in rships.........

 

or do u guys just think their bull crud?

[OceanEyes]

I doubt that anyone gives the real reasons for them wanting to break up. There may be an element of truth, but if someone says, "I need a break", it probably means something like, "I'm bored and want to screw around".

 

Saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is probably one of those statements that holds more validity than most of the other excuses I've read on here. I've felt a very deep love for a past partner, but I knew that there was absolutely no desire or passion left for them.

 

To tell someone exactly what you think, why you want to break up, etc. would probably result in some very hurt feelings, and a big drop in that person's self esteem. Unless you're with a really cold-hearted person, I think that hearing a watered-down version will suffice. No matter how you say it, it means the same thing: I do not want to be with you anymore. If I would have told my ex-boyfriend when we split that I started to find him mildly repulsive, that I was tired of his bad breath and laziness, that I found him incredibly boring and without character after a while, I probably would have hurt his feelings a lot more than what was necessary.

 

What's wrong with letting someone down easily so they can get on with their life a bit faster, with less scars?

[buckley]

hmm,

 

i think your examples make sense but maybe only cos ur goi form one extreme to the other, of course u wouldnt say to ur ex that ' you find him repulsive hated his bad breath ec' but u COULDhave still told the truth in a way like ' i need someone who wants to do more things like ( whatevr u find not boring) and im feelin less attracted to u' of course it will hurt his feelings but i think when u r honest brualy u move on quicker, the ego may not but they do, and i think its best cos if they wanna learn form it better themselves they knwo what areas to work on.

[Rainz]

I believe it's possible to break up with someone and at the same time remain truthful and honest about your reasons for doing so. I'd rather someone tell me the truth instead fobbing me off with cliches like "it's not me it you". Just comes doen to treating people with respect I think.

[kskm]

I think that the reason that we all hear and say those things is because it's the truth to a point.

 

When I broke up with my ex it was "I love you but am not In Love with you". A completely true statement. I will always love him for the person that he is, but I had no passion, no wants for him. I was not in love.

 

So no, I don't believe those lines are crap.

[lgirl]

i ask this because i'm confused. when someone says they love you but are not in love with you, does it mean something different to the person saying it? my ldr bf has just split with me (the reasons are becoming more and more hazy), but one of the things he said was that he really loves me, loves me for the person i am, but isn't in love with me. asked me how he can get those feelings back (can you believe that?) because we'd got bogged down in petty arguments. however, his sexual desire remains as strong for me as it ever did (and he even joked when we spoke last wkend that the way he was going to put our situation right – he dumped me out of the blue, then immediately cheated on me; beginning to suspect he got with her 2 days before he announced the split rather than after it + i should mention he told me he's not in to her at all, that it's a mistake; "It should never have happened" were his exact words and he regrets it). so what does he mean when he says he's not 'in love' with me? what does that mean? i thought you lost all desire when you're not 'in love', that you're not into yr mate sexually, ie you just don't fancy them. but that's not the case with him.

 

so what am i supposed to make of that?

[lgirl]

i ask this because i'm confused. when someone says they love you but are not in love with you, does it mean something different to the person saying it? my ldr bf has just split with me (the reasons are becoming more and more hazy), but one of the things he said was that he really loves me, loves me for the person i am, but isn't in love with me. asked me how he can get those feelings back (can you believe that?) because we'd got bogged down in petty arguments. however, his sexual desire remains as strong for me as it ever did (and he even joked when we spoke last wkend that the way he was going to put our situation right (he dumped me out of the blue, then immediately cheated on me; beginning to suspect he got with her 2 days before he announced the split rather than after it + i should mention he told me he's not in to her at all, that it's a mistake; "It should never have happened" were his exact words and he regrets it) was to get me pregnant. so what does he mean when he says he's not 'in love' with me? what does that mean? i thought you lost all desire when you're not 'in love', that you're not into yr mate sexually, ie you just don't fancy them. but that's not the case with him.

 

so what am i supposed to make of that?

[lgirl]

i ask this because i'm confused. when someone says they love you but are not in love with you, does it mean something different to the person saying it? my ldr bf has just split with me (the reasons are becoming more and more hazy), but one of the things he said was that he really loves me, loves me for the person i am, but isn't in love with me. asked me how he can get those feelings back (can you believe that?) because we'd got bogged down in petty arguments. however, his sexual desire remains as strong for me as it ever did (and he even joked when we spoke last wkend that the way he was going to put our situation right (he dumped me out of the blue, then immediately cheated on me; beginning to suspect he got with her 2 days before he announced the split rather than after it + i should mention he told me he's not in to her at all, that it's a mistake; "It should never have happened" were his exact words and he regrets it) was to get me pregnant. so what does he mean when he says he's not 'in love' with me? what does that mean? i thought you lost all desire when you're not 'in love', that you're not into yr mate sexually, ie you just don't fancy them. but that's not the case with him.

 

so what am i supposed to make of that?

[Nebular]

My ex was pretty honest. He said "You're not on my intellectual level. You're childish." I can only thank god that the guy I am with now can appreciate that my IQ is not 168, and I have a soft spot for the geekier things in life.