confused....please help!

[disenchanted 1]

I started dating a guy from my graduate school the beginning of the year. It has been 7 months and I thought things were going well but back in Feb. he mentioned he needed space. I didn't want to have him in control of the situation so I came back telling him if you want space then let's just break it off. Well he wanted to continue so we did. His request for space made me scared and afterwards evert time we would get in arguments I would say I dont wanna be with you or why are we continuing this...etc. And I feel terrible about that but that was my defense mechanism even though clearly I didn't want that. So anyway, he broke up with me after we got into an argument and I mentioned that if he is going to be distant then maybe we should just be friends. He said that he is not ready for a relationship and he wants some time alone. Regardless, before our summer break began I saw him and his last words were "if I dont see you have a good summer" which I took it that he would never call me until the new year began. But then he called the next day to say that "i have your coat" which has been there for a long time (he said I should come and get it..I didn't...just told him to keep it till after our class resumes) and also to tell me to "call him when I get my grade..he wants to know how I did"...well this was all monday and I haven't called him yet. I am not sure what to do and I need yall's advice. Even though we said we obviously will be friends (we are in the same class...it is impossible not to see each other) but why does he call me a day afterwards and then say call me with your grades cause he wants to know how I did...I dont get it. And I am not sure if I should call him at all. Any advice is much appreciated. I am confused about the whole situation. Why would he call me the next day and then want me to call him back? Clearly he broke it off and to me this calling and keeping in contact is contradictory to what he wants. I am utterly confused. I would appreciate any help and advice.

[DN]

Whatdo you want? To get back together? Or what?

[disenchanted 1]

Well I really care for him....we started medical school together and we went through hard times with each other and I grew close to him. I feel like most of all I am losing a close confidant, friend, and companion. So I guess yes.

[MetallicAguy]

Well he made a mistake, he probably needed time to think about doing something specific in the relationship or something. Now, since all of his confusions gone he wants you back. Obviously, he wants you to come get your coat so he can have an excuse to hang out.

[DN]

You didn't say if you love him.

[DN]

Assuming you do love him, then I think you should ask to talk to him and tell him that. Ask him what he wants because both of you have done a good job of confusing each other up to now.

 

If you both want the same thing then all will be well. If not, decide how to proceed.

[guy40az]

Well I have a really good idea why he called you. He wanted you to come and get your coat so he could talk to you. He may have wanted to take a break to try to think about things but he obviously didn't really want to breakup with you. I think in the heat of the moment he broke up with you and then when he got home and thought about it he realized what the had done. So he called you to come and get your coat and you told him to keep it till later. Then he thought maybe you would be ready to talk when you got your grades.

 

I guess the important thing here is how you feel about him.

 

Do you love him ???

 

 

You are part right in what you said at the very end.

 

"Why would he call me the next day and then want me to call him back? Clearly he broke it off and to me this calling and keeping in contact is contradictory to what he wants. I am utterly confused. I would appreciate any help and advice."

 

 

Keeping in contact with you is contradictory to what happened but not contradictory to what he really wants.

 

 

If you love him call him.

[disenchanted 1]

Thanks for yall's reply. It really helps to see you guys' point of view and I greatly appreciate any advice. Well just to update yall....I called him tonight because he asked me to update him on how I did on the exams...well I just made the conversation quick and I actually ended it first but at the end I just said have a good summer ...so basically I made it sound as if I dont expect or want him to call me back but then his response was "talk to you later" in a sorta "is it ok" way.....and I just said yes and we said bye...I made it clear that I was ok not talking to him so I did not quite understand his whole deal with talk to you later. Am I just looking too into this? But then again would a guy break up with you and then want you back....I just dont get the whole situation.

[guy40az]

Well I will be the first to admit men can be hard to understand some times. I think you did the right thing calling him and letting him know your grades and then leaving it like you did. I really don't think he is going to wait very long before he calls you.

 

I really hope every thing goes well for you I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.