Will he come back?

[coolchick]

HI guys,

Ive posted quite a few of these so you probably know the story

My ex ended things with me after being together for nearly 4 years. Each time i ask him why he ended things with me he never gives me a straight answer, just always tells me to leave it. Ive been making the mistake of contacting him when ive been at my lowest, trying to get him to remember happy things that we did together but they always ended up with us having an argument over text and me being angry again

Ive decided to be strong now and any time atall that i have an urge to text him i just simply turn my phone off and go and do something. Recently on my msn, i was getting a lot of emails from strange people asking me to add them to their messenger. So that i would stop getting these emails, i put a pic of me and a guy and changed my status from single to undisclosed. I didnt think anything of it. The next day tho, i got a number of texts from my ex asking me who the guy was and that i was to enjoy my new boyfriend and that he was going to get on with his life. I asked him what he was talking about and he said "dont treat me like im stupid, why did you change your status to undisclosed and put a pic of you and some guy"

That was the last time we spoke. I dont understand. Its been 2 months since he finished with me and for the past few weeks he didnt even bother returning my texts and told me that he didnt want to be associated with me. Why is he saying now after he sees a pic of me, that he's moving on with his life? Do you think he'll want me back if i stop texting him and making him feel as though he's on a pedistool?

[Pips Estella]

Here's my opinion. I think your boyfriend did have a reason for breaking up with you, but he was reluctant to go into it, perhaps because he's cowardly or perhaps 'cos he genuinely wanted to protect you. Of course, that doesn't satisfy your curiosity - I don't think it's cool that, having asked him a second time for an explanation, he didn't give one. It's a clear case of someone deliberately not responding to your needs, and that's not cool or kind. As for getting jealous about a potential new boyfriend...ha! He must still have residual feelings for you, which should be an indication of how wonderful, sexy and attractive you must be. Be empowered by this, and don't be tempted to get back with him. The guy's not up-front and honest. And surely one of the most important things in a healthy relationship is good, clean honest communication. Just have a good laugh about the whole thing - he probably really does have feelings for you, but is not mature enough to show them without hurting you. I feel sorry for him.

[Hope75]

Hi Cool chick.

 

I don't think changing your status on IM is going to change anything. Your boyfriend had a reason for ending the relationship, but that does not mean he didn't still have feelings for you. Whatever his reasons, he is standing by his choice not to be with you, and I think you should accept that and move on with your life.

 

He probably contacted you when he saw the change in status because he is still feeling hurt about things, but still he is choosing not to be with you.

 

If I were you I'd want a guy who really wanted to be with me, and he clearly doesn't. I think you are smart to stay strong and turn off your phone when you feel like texting, and don't respond to his emails or calls.

[chai714]

Coolchick,

It's best to stay away from your ex for now and heal up. Ex's don't always give you any reason why they break up with you, or a reason that we necessarily agree with. It's best to stay away from him for the time being though, because you're still emotional and still want to talk about the relationship with him.

 

Regardless of whether or not you want him back, do not play the jealousy card. Your instinct is to hurt someone who hurt you, but it's not healthy for either you or him. Don't make him think you're with another man if you're not - that is deception done out of anger, rather than love. If you ever want him to respect you, just be honest. Being honest doesn't mean telling him everything, but being deceptive will make him not trust you, and everyone wants to be trusted.