Invisible in Seattle- need advice, please

[GrottoNymph]

Well, here's my story....

It's kind of long, but I really need to get it off my chest, so here goes.

I came from a family where my parents didn't believe in helping with college, and also didn't allow us kids to work while we were in school, so when I graduated from High School, there was no $$, and all I wanted to do was get out of my parents house.

At 22 years old I moved from Montana to Seattle to start a new life on my own. I spent my 20's pretty much working 2-3 jobs at a time to be able to support myself. I was angry at not having been able to go to college. I even tried to go to Cosmetology school but after I already went through half of it I could not afford to finish, and was working 2 jobs just to pay the rent. I had to choose between rent and tuition, so I left school.

I worked various jobs and quite a lot of it was as temp in offices, where I built up my skills in office work. I also held part time jobs, staying with the same job for years at a time. Never had trouble keeping a job. I was finally hired permanently at a large bank in their corporate offices and worked very hard for two years, and was finally -for the first time in my life- making good money. I was also very good at what I did there & got excellent reviews & raises. Things were finally stabilizing up for me. I started college at age 33 and was very proud of that- paying for it myself. But soon there were management changes and the new bosses completely ignored all of the accomplishments that we had before they arrived, and after a year we were all laid off in my department. It really stung, and I was angry that the new management had not even given us a chance.

I was SO depressed. I did not work for 5 months, and was having a really hard time due to frustration and boredom. I could not find a job AT ALL! I used my savings to continue in college, because all the jobs I saw wanted people with degrees. Plus, the job market was really poor and there was a lot of competition out there from layoffs. I was also on some medication which I needed, and had to quit taking it, to the detriment of my health, except for one, which I can barely afford. But if I go off it I will be so sick I could not work. No health insurance due to no job = more depression, etc.

At present, I am taking temp jobs here and there, but nothing stable- and the temp jobs are ending earlier than I had been told. I will get hired for 6 months and after 2 I am told I am no longer needed. This has happened 2 out of 3 times! So I have been taking it very personally that they did not want to keep me on for the full length of my assignment. I am told that my job performance is good, but there is not enough work to justify keeping me- yet I tend to beat myself up and think I was not good enough to keep the job and they're lying to "be nice" about letting me go. I took a part time minumum wage job last summer, just to help pay the rent, and was fired after 3 months- and they would not give me a reason, so I have NO IDEA what I did. I felt SOOOOO terrible and worthless about that. I used to be a professional making over $40k year, and now I cannot even keep a minimum wage job!!!!

I am single and have pets to take care of. I am so embarrassed by my situation. I have isolated myself. My friends could not help as many of them have their own problems to deal with.

So now I am hanging on by a thread, trying to keep a roof over my head. I used all my savings, 401k, pension and credit cards just to pay rent and live the past year! I am more depressed now and I have gained weight which makes it all worse.

I know the depression does not help the job hunt, but it's just a vicious circle. I try for scholarships, as my grades are excellent but I never get one. I don't want to have to quit school AGAIN, but if I can't find a job soon, I am not going to have many options left.

I am frustrated, confused and feel worthless and unlikeable.

Any words of advice out there?

[GrottoNymph]

Wow. 37 views, ZERO responses. They should call this website eYouAreCompletelyAlone.

 

Thanks a LOT.

[smallworld]

Welcome GrottoNymph!!! (lovely name btw!)

 

I lived in Seattle four years so I'm very familiar with what you're talking about. I apologize for taking so long to respond to your post, but I've been mulling over what to say to you. Your feelings sound so raw and I didn't want to say the wrong thing or seem to make light of your situation. I'm sure the 36 other people that have read your post feel the same way. So please don't take it personally. None of us are experts and we can only give advice on things we're familiar with.

 

I really admire and feel for you. Life keeps throwing you all kinds of challenges, and yet you've fought back every step of the way and now you're in college making good grades. That's quite an admirable accomplishment! Kudos!!! 8)

 

I know it's hard to think this way when you're down, but being let go from the temp jobs and the minimum wage job doesn't necessarily mean that there's something wrong with you. It may very well be that you're too good of a worker and as a result the work dried up, or the employers misled you about about how much of your employment they really needed, or your work ethic was making the "regulars" look bad and they poisoned the management against you. (I've actually had to leave a retail job where I was falsely accused of stealing by co-workers who were passed up for my position.) The point is if you did the best that you can do, there's no point in tearing yourself to pieces.

 

Depression is nothing more than dwelling upon ("rehearsing") things we can't change. Naturally the more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more hopeless and suicidal you feel. Conversely, the more you focus on your accomplishments and acknowledge what personal qualities (intelligence, tenacity, hard work ethic, independence, self-reliance, etc.) and talents got you here, the stronger and more capable you'll feel. Write everything down and post the lists on your bathroom mirror, because it's important that you deliberately remind yourself on a frequent basis what an amazing person you truly are and how far you've come.

 

It's also important to be kind to yourself. If temping is killing your spirit, get a retail job around books, animals, children, art (whatever you love but never have time for.) The pay is low, but so is the stress of having to jump from situation to situation trying to fit in, and then being let go. Working at a university is also a wonderful option, because full-time employees are allowed the privilege of taking courses at greatly reduced cost.

 

I know money's tight, but the library (i.e. self-help books, Kurt Vonnegut novels, funny videos) is always free and on campus you have access to free or low cost career counseling, job placement, and mental health services.

 

Taking care of your health is vitally important to your sense of well-being. If you have the chance, I highly recommend that you hunt down: Feeling Good by David Burns, When Your Body Gets the Blues by Marie Annette Brown. The former will help you challenge and dismantle negative thinking as it happens. The latter is a quick read based on a research study of Seattle women and how a consistent regiment of exercise (walking), vitamin intake, and increased exposure to sunlight reduced their depression in 8 weeks or less. Both books have really changed my life.

 

You may also find it helpful to join a job search group and/or any group on campus or in the community that involves something you enjoy or believe in. Life has thrown you a lot of curve balls lately and I think the emotional support of being around people facing similar problems would be comforting and inspiring. I've also found it personally rewarding to volunteer for organizations where your skills are needed and appreciated. Volunteering would give you a sense of purpose, lots of positive strokes, nurture your talents, build your resume, and allow you to network and make friends with people that could help you transition to the next big thing. You'd be surprised at the kind of amazing people you meet in these organizations who give freely of their time and money.

 

In closing like anyplace else, Seattle isn't immune to the law of supply and demand. You live in a place where the cost of living is high, but so is the unemployment. If all else fails, you may have to be a pragmatist and relocate to a place where financial survival isn't such a struggle. In the meanwhile, you may have to get a few roommates to make rent. You may have to take a few semesters off and/or consider taking several general studies courses at a local community college to rack up your credits but at a much lower cost. Is Seattle really the best place to realize your dreams at this point in time? Only you can decide.

 

If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me. Good luck!

[GrottoNymph]

Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply. I really appreciate it.

I am going to think about what you wrote...lots to digest.

[smallworld]

You're most welcome! Hope I didn't come off as a know it all. I write what I write, because I need to hear it too. Take care!!!