Review after 9months

[eva1218]

goodby ppl

[eva1218]

i'm stupid, but free now.

[eva1218]

he set me free!!

[Foz]

hi there,

 

i'm glad you felt somewhat inspired by my story but remember i was a complete mess at one stage too and thought i would never get over my ex. To be honest i dont know how i did get over him but i think it was a mixture of refusing to let him hurt me anymore and that really meant NC. Every time i spoke to him or met him i was right back where i started feeling rejuected all over again and i just got tired of being hurt and devastated and i guess i chose not to allow him hurt me anymore than he already had. NC has most definitely helped me get over the intense pain but i do still think of him but i try to switch off and not let him take over my thoughts.

That is the best advice i can give. It is not easy and it is a grieving process and you just have to go through it. It will take as long as it takes. Eventually days will pass and you wont have thought of him and then you will know you are getting there.

I wont ever get over the hurt but i am getting over my ex and you will too!!

 

Lots of love,

 

Foz

[Meowy]

I'm sorry Eva that you had to find out that your ex was really cheating on you and being unfaithful while you were waiting and being faithful. If it gives you some measure of closure than I am glad for you. At least now you can heal and not wait any longer for him when you know he isn't waiting around for you.

 

I know you are hurting now but don't go out and do what you suggested and just find a man for sex and an empty relationship. There are men out there who deserve your trust and who will remain faithful. Its just a matter of trying to love again. I know, I'm there too. I put everything I had into being faithful and loving my ex. I built my whole life around her and even with the distance I never thought about another woman. My ex was the center of all of my fantasies both sexual and non. She was the one I wanted to spend my whole life with and well some people say that but yet their eyes roam. Our exes are alot alike in that matter. At least your ex seems to talk to you about things whereas when I talk to mine she tries to be as curt and rude and cruel as possible.

 

Good luck and don't sell yourself short in future relationships. You aren't stupid, you are just a strong lover.

[auburnslp]

I agree-you are not stupid, you are passionate.

 

I relate to that last post. Never been with anyone where after 3 years, each time was as good as the first time. My eyes never roamed-to me there were no other women on the planet other than my ex. She was my entire world. That's why it is so hard for us to let go-it is nearly impossible to imagine that we could give so much of ourselves and have someone end up not wanting it??? Just doesn't make sense, but unfortunately, that is how it is...

 

I know spite may not be healthy, but I can't help just a touch, and maybe it can make someone else feel better, if only for a moment-we can rest assured that chances are, our exes will never find another who loves them as we did. Never find another who adores them as much, who dotes on them, who worships the ground they walk on. Personally, I think they are all unbelievably foolish to give that up, and chances are, one day, maybe many many years from now, they will think back, and realize it, and realize that they made a huge mistake. And realize it when we are all happy, healthy and loving and adoring another. I feel confident that one day we will all find someone to whom we can give that kind of love and passion to again. Just got to give ourselves time to completely heal, and then be patient, and not just settle for the first decent guy/girl that glances our way...

 

Ah well, I am sorry we all feel a little rough here...but you know, life goes on. Just have to plod through each day. And one day will start looking brighter again...

 

God Bless-Michael

[eva1218]

Thks guy..

 

I just deleted that conversation (i had with my ex) from this Forum.

Cause I found out it was just stupid, but u three have read.

 

The phone call at the same day right before that online conversation, I was still asking "u find someone else?" and he answered "NOPE".

 

I guess because of he knew i was out town...instead of going to where he is(he rejected me to go). That made him feel something...

And I believe he finally cannot deal with the guilt he has...

He kept me for all these time...gave me hope...and telling me he has no one....telling me "we will see...but don't know when".

 

All these 9months, I blamed myself I didn't try my best when I was with him. Because of he said this to me the day he dumped me "I tried my best in these 5years, I done everything for u, and I realized that u just don't worth it...what u ever done for me? And of course u will be sad, the way I treated u, it's ur loss".

Now I know, if he really loves me, although I wasn't a perfect gf, he would wanted me to work on it but not dumped me. I am so stupid that I thought it was all my fault. Thought that I just try my best, he will be back finally.

It turns out? Very typically.........he wanted to explore the world......

well, explore the girls.

And answered me "no" every single time while I asked if he has someone? Said much hurtful things to me most of the time, and while I was really down......he started to be nice, care..again. And gave me hope so that I was keep waiting for him.

He knows me so well that used my trust, my love.....

 

Every single time, when I felt so hopeless by him, I said I just send him the present, and he ended up saying "I will pick them up later, no need to send". I bought him the present after he dumped me...to me, it is the excuse to see him again, an excuse for us to meet again. He told me not to send it all these time. One week ago, I was still saying how much I love him, and how much I miss him. And he just....slient...said "we will see...".

 

We live in different country for ur information.

 

Anyway.......me personally, trust come first..then come to love.

He took away the trust, there's no more love...........

I wouldn't say love just goes away within one night, but he's not the one I know anymore. I still love him only due to he is the same person as the one I loved.

 

I felt like I'm healed.

I am happy that he's no longer the one I love, I don't need to love him anymore. I don't even care he has 1,2,3.....or 10 girlfriends outthere.

 

I feel so relief.........never been better in these...oh..10months already..

No longer "review after 9 months".

 

Dear Paula,

 

U've been very cared about me, if u want to know what happened...I will send u the online conversation i had with my ex 2nights ago.

When u were saying he seemed keep trying to hurt me, I remember I repiled u he is a wonderful man, and still thought it was my fault that we broke up.........laugh my axx off.............

How stupid???????????? Can I be anymore stupid? Guess........not.....

 

Thank u.

 

I wish u happy everyday.

 

Eva

[UGH1607307217]

Hi sweetie, I read through the conversation, it was very long lol, its ok, you felt the need to share that and its ok

 

Im glad youve finally gotten the truth from him, now maybe you can heal your heart a little more everyday. Dont give up on love and Im not saying go out and find it today either, but just like I am finding out...ALL MEN ARE NOT LIKE OUR EXES!

 

When you are ready (I hope soon , youve been in pain for too long), you will find that there are some men out there that really do want to talk to us for who we are, we are both beautiful, kind women and we are both going to find someone who deserves us and who will treat us the way we deserve.

 

In a sense we have both been going through our days the same way for pretty much the same exact amount of time, even the length of our relationships that we are trying to get over are the same. I want you to be where I have recently gotten myself...I feel happy most days, yes thoughts of my ex come to mind (a few times a week) but now when I think of him, I no longer want to go die somewhere, I can think of him and really not feel that pain anymore, yes I still feel anger that he is still with the woman that he cheated on me with, but at the same time, I remember all of the reasons that he wanted to break up with her at one point and I kind of laugh to myself and think, "well...if all of these reasons that he kept telling me of why he didnt want to be with her are still things that bother him...then he is stupid for staying in a relationship that doesnt make him happy" who knows, maybe hes learned to live with all of her faults that he couldnt stand two months ago in order to just not be alone.

and in the same sense, maybe thats what he did with me (of course he told me he hadnt been happy for a while (he told me AFTER he cheated) but we were at a point in our relationship that things could have started to be really good, yes we had our issues too, but I thought we had moved past them) and I know now that he was trying to sabotage our relationship by being with a coworker, because that was the only way he had the balls to end it! Oh well, let him deal with her drinking EVERYDAY!, let him deal with her almost teenage daughter, let him live with the fact that if he ever wanted to have his own children, she cant give them to him (and i dont think she wants to give them to him, nevermind the fact that I dont think she could sober up for nine months to bring a healthy baby into this world)...Shes 42...12 years older than him, do I hope hes happy? well....lol. Cant answer that right now...

 

Alright Ive been going on long enough, but it felt good to vent a little today, Im so glad you have gotten a little closure, now it is time to lock that door from the outside and never go back in!

 

I hope you have a GREAT day Eva, remember I am here anytime

 

Paula

[auburnslp]

Eva-sounds to me your ex was doing what mine did for so very long-and that is to try to keep us hanging on, keep us in their back pocket, "just in case"...

 

What a bunch of crap...we deserve better than being "Plan B"...

 

She still denies to this day leaving me to try to reconcile with her ex-she is using religion as her excuse. I still don't buy it for a second...

 

But she would say things like your ex..."maybe one day"...well, I'm tired of being Plan B-surely there will be another girl just as good who wants me for her only Plan. Hopefully we will all find that...Michael

[eva1218]

I can wait for him such a long time, only because of I thought he was the same person who have stayed with me for 5years, I thought he was not sure if he still wants to make effort on this relationship due to i was not a perfect gf. I thought that was the reason he was back and forth all these time. That's why I tried everything..I could, without any self-esteem.....just to show him how much I love him, how much I willing to give.

 

Maybe we met too young(when we both were 20), stayed together for too long, he has been faith too long.......

And he wants to explore other girls......which is fine I think...u pick the way you want.

I couldn't help but wonder, how selfish is he, kept me all these time...while I was going through all that pain, hurt, hreatbreaking.....and he was trying everything he wanted.

And he knew that I was 100% trust him.

 

Guys, I am really happy at some point......beside knowing this hurtful truth. I finally feel free, never felt better than now in these 10months. I can leave everything behind me...I no longer live under my shadow of regret...

 

Dear Puala,

 

I'm so touched by you were saying I have been in pain for so long......I really think u know me the best. Cause u can tell it with one simple sentance...and I don't even know how to describe it myself.

 

Dear Michael,

 

No matter how confuse they are, if they are seeing someone else, they don't have the right to fool us......and keep us waiting like a complete idiot.

 

They made bunch of crap to us.........and we love them with all our hearts.

I really don't know how they feel...and how can they even face us.

 

 

I feel like I'm ready to fly again(I used to feel like I'm a bird with my wings broken, nomatter how hard I tried...I couldn't fly....)

I won't jump into anything yet, of course i am not ready...i'm not a superwoman, I don't know when....but it comes when it comes.

 

Eva

[eva1218]

Dear all,

 

I know I can forget about him, and I will forget about him.

 

All the things we had, our pics, the stuffs he bought me....etc...I've been holding them crying over and over all these time.

I don't want to keep any of them....

But I don't want to make contact to him....even by sending it.

 

Should I just throw it all away.......

but if i do, i feel like i denied myself.....my own past.

 

Eva

[auburnslp]

I threw away everything, just about everything-and it is liberating though very sad at first...

[eva1218]

Dear Michael,

 

May I ask that did u regret?

 

Eva

[Meowy]

Eva,

 

I wouldn't throw everything away just yet. If possible box it up and store it in a closet or where ever. When you are fully healed and can think of your ex with no emotions then go through it and see if you still want to keep any of it or throw it away.

 

To me its like a game. I have boxed everything my ex has given me because to me throwing it away would be like admitting defeat. It would be like saying "you hurt me so much that I can't stand any of the memories you have given me". Hope that helps.

[auburnslp]

I think the last post is better advice than throwing it all away now. I was angry at the time so it was kind of therapeutic for me to throw it all away right then, but I think the last post is a better idea overall...Michael

[eva1218]

Dear Meowy,

 

I think you are right. No matter how much I don't want it...

It was still part of my past...and I can never throw away the past...

 

But I really so much don't want to have them....I am terrified even get close to it and knowing that they are right there...even I have hide it all inside the box already.

I also thought about to sell the diamond as well..(at least can get some money which I think is a good idea...)I've been wearing for years...but it all meant nothing to me.

 

These two days, when I was on my way home after work, I realized I didn't think about him the whole day...except the morning on my way to work. And while I was thinking about him, thinking about that conversation (the whole truth)...I don't feel pain...

I just couldn't feel it.......I can't feel my heart anymore...

I asked my little heart "how do u feel? are u alright?", but there was no reply...very quiet......I guess it is finally dead.(poor little heart...killed by whom...)

 

I don't know if somewhere deep in my heart is bleeding for the truth of him or not.....

Just can't feel......much.

Anyway it is good.......at peace finally.

 

Two nights ago, I was on the phone with a guy for 2hours (i met him due to work recently). He asked why I always look sad, and not smile...and he asked..if I have a bf or not, I said no....then he asked how long time i've been single.............then I kept quiet for so long......he noticed that he has asked something wrong. I was already started crying.......

then he was keep saying sorry.....so on..I told him my story(the whole one)..well, of course he said many things to make me feel better which I did appreciate.

The next day, he sent me an ecard. And saying that be happy, and he thinks i'm lovely when i smile, and many chances & good things are waiting for me.

Good enough, I had such a great day afterwards.

 

I'm not going to do anything, or jump into anything.

Just if I didn't have that conversation with my ex that night, by knowing the truth. Then I would not give chance to this new guy for letting him explore me. I would not give myself or others any chances to make anything happen.

 

But I'm free now...

I just take my time to heal...

I know I'm moving on...

 

Thank u guys.

 

Eva

[eva1218]

Dear guys,

 

Things are finally getting much better.....I didn't think about my ex as I used to....which I can never believe it before.

 

I guess, sometimes, we can only move on when there's no hope at all.

He took everthing away from me, trust, love, faith.

 

I know that i am moving on.

 

Paula, I am so happy that I am no longer waiting for him........

I just wish that he never come back, and bother me again.

 

Guys, i hope all of u can finally be happy.....and move on with your life..and leave ur ex in the past.

It will happen, it just take times...to wait until that day come.

 

Eva

[eva1218]

Paula,

 

He's coming on 28th of May.

I already said that I wouldn't see him via the online conversation.

 

I hope all how I feel now can be last forever...

I hope I wouldn't change my mind since he's coming soon(last time I saw him was Sep04).

 

But...I'm scared if there's even 1% I want to go and see him...

I know I wouldn't go, and shouldn't go...

but still scared.......

 

Eva

[UGH1607307217]

Hi Eva,

 

Just stay strong and find something to keep yourself busy that day, you seem to be doing a little better and we want you to stay headed in that direction. Just remember that seeing him is going to bring up all of the old feelings that you had, and its going to rip open the the wounds again. Dont put yourself through that.

 

 

Im not much good at giving advice today, I was stood up last night. The guy who was supposed to meet me is from Belgium, I had always heard that European men are so much different than Americans...He ended up just being another JERK! and since he lives here in the states now, he is just another American Jerk!

 

 

Have a great day Eva!

 

Paula

[auburnslp]

OK Paula-I can fix that...meet me for dinner...I'll show up, promise

 

Of course, you would have to live in Georgia for my little plan to work

 

Cheer up-it happens. Happened to me last year-for the first time ever, and it stunk. But clearly, it is also a gift-anyone who would do that to another, well, that just saved us a wasted night out with them...

 

It's tough when that happens when we are low already, but really, separate from all that, and see it as a gift...there is much better coming to you sweet...Michael

[UGH1607307217]

Im in Florida, we can meet halfway

 

Im ok with it, it just sucks.

 

Hope you have a great day!

 

Paula

[eva1218]

Dear Paula,

 

I'm sorry about u got stood up.

Anyway, we don't give a shix on that kind of person(jerk)!!!!

We are very busy on taking care ourselves instead of paying attentions on others due to we have paid too much on our exs.

 

Thks for ur advise.

I will not go to see him.

Unfortunately, the new guy I met...he's gone to Beijing(for work) today. And his project will be finished 6months later(he has to stay there for 6months). Otherwise I will definitely stay with him that day(my ex comes).

 

Paula, I am so happy now.......I have been thinking about my ex less and less. I think about the new guy more than him these couple days. You know how happy I am just because of my ex is fading out...I can feel it...gets further and further. Remember no matter how hard I tried all these time, I couldn't think about him one sec less.

I don't mean that I forget or get over my ex coz the new guy.

It was because of the awful truth, the real truth set me free, also the new guy just showed up on time(perfect time).

Everything happen for a reason, the awful truth which ppl think that it will bring me further down (especially my family) but it sets my free.

The new guy approached to me right two days after the truth, perfect timing...I need to feel cared by someone, I want someone to make me laugh. He did both.

 

So, I guess I'm completely finished...and walking out from the dark tunnel.

God listened to me, he finally took away the feelings I have for him(ex), and stopped my pain.

I feel like it's been 10years, not 10months. Hopefully not 10years...

 

Love you guys all!!!!

 

Perhaps............Michael and Paula should meet up!!!! And I will join too!!!

Michael, hang in there!!!!

Soon will be ur turn!! Don't give up!!!

 

Eva

[auburnslp]

I am very happy for you-I hope I an say the same things soon...

 

Me and Paula and you meet up? OK, maybe that's the answer to easing my pain

 

My best to all of you-and thanks again for such kind words and concern...Michael

[UGH1607307217]

Maybe thats what all three of us need!

[auburnslp]

ok Eva, hop on a plane, Paula, get in your car-we'll meet in Destin...I'm all in