crying during sex?

[Leela]

Hi

 

I'm 24 and have never had an orgasm. I have been sexually active since I was 19 and enjoy sex a lot, but I can never reach orgasm. I have tried masturbation, vibrators...

 

The thing is, I know I have gotten very close, but everytime I feel like I am really close, whether I am with a partner or not, I burst into tears and it kills the mood.

 

Is this normal? I don't understand why this happens, and I would really like to be able to experience an orgasm.

 

does this happen to anyone else? is there something wrong with me?

 

any input would be greatly appreciated!

thanks,

L

[cleverme123]

What is the reason your crying is there some reason why. Like your thinking about something.

[Leela]

I don't know the reason. that's why I posted the question...

[andyrosebringer]

Hi Leela.. I'm not a psychologist but I've heard that most female sexual problems are related to the mind. Since you are unable to orgasm with/without another person I'd say it would possibly be related to some past experience or even the general taboos that society has against female sexual pleasure.

 

Try relaxing as much as possible before the act of auto-arousal, and remember that there is nothing wrong with it. Maybe even meditation would be helpful. Past that, you'd benefit from talking to a psychologist. (It doesn't mean you are crazy!).

[Guarana Galrok]

Are you a trauma survivor? Have you had any problems with sexual abuse or anything like that in the past?

[playfull06]

Dear Leela,

 

I have been in your spot before. Many many times. I don't know how I was able to not cry this last time I came close. This was the first time i ever didn't cry. I just relaxed and went with it. I trust my girlfriend to be there and to help me.

[Leela]

hi,

I'm not a trauma survivor, and was not sexually abused. I've never been raped or even physically abused. That is why I don't understand why sex makes me cry. I don't feel sad either when it happens, it's almost like a form of relief...

 

I think it really started after going through a bad break up over a year ago, could that be causing it? if so, what can i do to fix this?

 

thanks,

leela

[Mun]

Hi leela, I've cried too-- Usually when the sex is really bad. Im jk...No offense.

 

Actually what might be happening is that sex is very intense for you, even without the orgasm...and the way you release that is through crying. ( I almost fainted once. )

 

You mention your break up, that could be it too. You may have some very deep emotional scars that you have not worked out yet.

 

Have you thought about counseling?

[SPark]

I have never been abused etc., either, but I went through a period of time when orgasms made me really sad...so sad that I would just cry. Sounds the same as what is happening to you. I think I figured out that since I was "running on empty" in my real life, there was no excess energy to release, so what happened was that I was tapping into the little energy I *did* have at the time...fear and pain and sadness was about it...so I took a break and made some changes to the point where my daily life beyond sex felt better to me, then problem solved...it took a little while, but I think it`s important to remember that our emotions and bodies and minds all work together and you can`t compartmentalize or separate them...or rather, you sure as heck can, but things just don`t work smoothly that way, and you`ll feel like you are living your life like a salmon swimming upstream.

 

Hope this helps.

Jenifer

[SPark]

ps I would recommend the Lowen bioenergetics exercises that I posted in another thread...they are non-sexual, take less than 10 minutes, and will really help to bring everything into better balance so that you can free yourself to have great sex...not good, not ok, not better...great.

[Ursomeone]

Hi Leela,

 

It looks like u have a religious kind of family back ground where sex specially for female is veiwed very weird......well something scary.....

 

Once my ex gf had such an experience though she was just 15 at that time. After going on picnic with her and some of her family members we returned home at dark and then sat near to the fire to rest and chit-chat. we were talking for almost hours and even didnt relaize when we got so closed to each other that she started to sexually stimulate me (by rubbing, touching etc) and i was fingering her quite well...I could notice her reactions were great and it seemed she liked it very much....but then without notifiying me to stop the action I saw tears in her eyes and like she was kinda crying to beg me which really took me off the mood. To be honest i was feeling embarrassed and thinking that i hav don some thing wrong and then she went to the bathroom and we didnt have any more sex that night. After lot of efforts and taking her into complete confidence we figured out that the possible reason of her reaction was that her parents were very strict and that she had never done such kinda sex before (forepaly etc..) and that now relaizing that she was doing such sex she had always dreamed of in her own house living room she got an emotional condition that she couldnt stop her tears....

 

Do u think there could be such small points behind urs action too.

 

hope that helps.. Good luck

[Leela]

hi,

no, I don't come from a strict religious background where sex is considered weird. my parents were always open with me about it and answered any questions I had without making it seem bad or wrong.

 

I think the problem is closer to what muneca suggested. Do you have any advice as to how to change this response?

 

thanks,

leela

[SPark]

Well, counseling would be a good second step, I think...but I think you should try the bioenergetics exercises first since you can do those alone and they don`t cost anything. Nothing to lose, right? If there is no change after a week or so, then it might be good to seek out a skilled counselor, someone you really feel comfortable with.

[PAdreamer]

I think it's a tension thing. Reaching an orgasm is a lot like getting your back realigned- tension is released so fast and so fully that many people have emotional outbursts. It is very possible that sexual activity relaxes you so well that your body reacts by quickly releasing whatever tension you have built up. You might try doing stretching exercises and some relaxation or meditation if you think you might kove into a sexual experience.

[chaching15]

When u r having sex does it hurt you so that u cry?