Weak moment - help!

[tarheelfan]

Okay here's the quick rundown. She left me by EMAILING me. I had no idea why. I just found out it's because of a BIG misunderstanding over a phone call with a friend of mine. She had asked me if I had ever dated "Lisa". I said Nope. She has a REAL problem with me being friends with my ex's. Lisa told her on the phone call that we had in fact gone out. In actuality Lisa and I went to dinner twice and that was IT. No sex... nothing. I said I had never dated her to avoid a fight and because TRUTHFULLY Lisa is nothing but a good friend.

 

So... It's a month with no contact. Should I call and try to make amends? Or should I let it go. She didn't respect me enough to even call and ask me about it so I shouldn't call her.

 

My fear is that as time goes on I will lose my opportunity. I do NOT want to lose this girl... but... I just don't know what to do.

[simon_uk]

My problem too, dont want to lose her but think i should call. The thing is when I have been given what I think is an opening to call it gets thrown in my face so I wont be doing it again in a hurry. If your ex made the wrong assumption it is up to her to get in touch with you if she doesnt come back in time she never wanted to anyway. I would advise against ringing her from recen t experience of course it is entirely up to you.

 

Hope that helped a little?

[tarheelfan]

It helps a LOT. Thank you.

 

I have written her a long letter... but am holding off on sending that too.

 

Thank you.

[sadCara]

It seems like you said she did ask you if you had a date with her. You told her no. In my opinion that is a lie, since you went out with her twice, to you yes she is nothing more than a good friend. But to your gf, she represents a threat, she obviously has feelings for you, which is why she didn't want anyone else getting in the way.

 

You went out with her, technically that is a date. The fact that you didn't tell her that you did go out with her, shows that you wanted to hide it.

Now she is wondering why would you want to hide it!

 

Please make amends if this relationship means something to you. Yes it is a major miscommunication. You both need to be open with one another. Be truthful.

 

I hope everything works out.

[tarheelfan]

Wow sadcara... thanks. Now I'm confused. But YES you are right. I DID lie... but just did it to avoid a fight. I am CONFUSED NOW! Maybe I'll send that letter.

[Hope75]

I agree you should have just been honest and told her that you went on 2 dates in the first place, not a big deal if you ask me,

 

but I think her reaction is over reacting and the fact that she dumped you via email over something so small, to me, is enough to wonder why you want to get back with her in the first place.

 

If this is how she handles such a menial thing, how will she act when you have bigger disagreeements?

 

Not very maturely, is my guess.

 

Anyway, it's up to you what you ultimately do, but if I were you I'd leave her be.

[sadCara]

Hope75 you do have a point that she didn't handle the situation maturely. I think that she was really upset that's why she did rash things. I mean to find out that your bf just told you he didn't go out with his ex, when you know he did, hurts.

 

Please send out the e-mail, explain to her everything. She also needs to work on a better way of dealing with conflicts in the relationship, but you two can work on that together.

[tarheelfan]

Well here is the update.

 

I had that "weak moment" and sent an email saying basically, "Look, Life is too short. I love you and I KNOW I will for the rest of my life".

 

She wrote back and thanked me... said things were rough and offered to talk it out.

 

We were on the phone 3 hours last night. She told me about the phone call that started it all... and in all honesty... I would have left me too. There were some HORRID stories told. Difference is... I would have confronted her with the charges.

 

After the breakup I mailed her key back to her and she said that really angered her.

 

Long story short... the 3 hour talk was INCREDIBLE. We had more fun just talking. She told me she loved me and we are going to dinner (that's it!) on Friday.

 

We have a LONG road ahead of us. Not sure where we are right now but I am NOT getting my hopes up. Number one... even IF she wanted me back... it could never be what it WAS because it clearly wasn't working if a phone call broke us up. We have a lot to discuss and decide and I will let you know.

 

I have decided that I am going to try and remain quiet and let HER talk. I want to know what she is thinking without asking "So, are we back together again?" I am hoping she will make it clear... we are together or we are not. I just don't know yet. But I will say that I found some peace knowing that she missed me and still loves me.

 

MAN this crap is HARD!

[sadCara]

I'm happy you'll worked things out, or atleast you'll took the first step to doing so. Your approaching the situation with a good open attitude. That's great.

I wish you the best of luck. Yours and hers happiness is the important part whether it works out or not.

[tarheelfan]

Thanks so much.

 

I am trying to go into this with a COMPLETELY open mind. I don't want to have ANY expectations in an effort not to have my hopes dashed. Whew.